Saturday, 14 July 2012

Tom Cruise Uses The Toilet

Earlier reports from the Icelandic set of the latest Tom Cruise movie 'Oblivion' saying that the Hollywood star demanded to have his own closets to hide in and to step out of as he is a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy are untrue.

OBB with the use of eye witness reports and hidden cameras have revealed that Tom Cruise urinates and defecates almost the same as humans do.

His life is on the skids and heading doon the pan.

Tom enjoys peeing in the centre of the bowl to make as much noise as possible and sometimes never shakes his little circumcised penis before he puts it away. He also never washes his hands ... well done sir!
The wardrobe department on Oblivion have complained twice now about urine stains on his costumes. Katie having to treat all his gunties before washing them was said to be the last straw for her.

While indulging in one of his three daily bowel movements Mr Cruise enjoys a good informative and motivational read.
Always the perfectionist he has a strap on dookie standardizer which regulates the length and shape of each Hollywood superstar turd, left over ends are left in the standardizer until next time.
Cruise insists on all his staff using these claiming its better for the environment and disciplines the sphincter to achieve perfection. He does spot checks on staffers to make sure they do use them . Funny how he always checks the men and never the weemen.

Thanks to his special macrobiotic diet in which he only eats fresh hand picked macrobiots his poo always smells like almonds. 

The truth in handy turd sized parcels brought to you by OBB.