Friday, 12 February 2010

My Almost Rape Terror!!

Arghh avast with ye RPG.

Mr and Mrs Chandler were kidnapped last October by pirates while tooling around on their yacht 'Lynn Rival' from the Seychelles heading towards Tanzania.

To show how 'savvy' pirates have becum they now have a pirate spokesman to give interviews and allow journalists to talk to their captives.

56-year-old Rachel Chandler told of how a pirate was intent on raping her in her tent but another pirate stopped him. Beating her was fine but sex ............ they found (and rightly so) objectionable.

How sick of Roger the cabin boy would you have to be to have a go at this ?

Old Knudsen does not want to make light of their plight but maybe they should have stayed in Tunbridge Wells, Kent as it is not a nice world out their for two geezers on a yacht. "Oh look black fellas I wonder what they want, maybe they have beads to sell."

The spokesman said the Chandlers could be freed if everyone in Britain contributed 'just one dollar' towards a ransom , their demands have varied between £ 1.9million and £4.4million since the kidnap.

But this would never happen, the pirate said, because the British had no compassion for 'old' people and did not really want them back.

That sir is a lie! the UK is a compassionate socialist society that would gladly hand out money to kidnappers . The only problem is we don't do dollars, we'd have to go to the bank which is a pain, we don't like those ghey Euro thingys either but if you want to convert a pound to a dollar it should be around 61p ach me head is spinning with all this talk about giving money away. Do pirates now have a Seychelles bank account?

The pirate mouth piece also attacked the UK government for abandoning the couple and warned that the pirates would stop feeding them if the money was not paid soon.

The UK government have a wee expense account fraud thing going on right now so Chandlers don't be discouraged, its not that the government doesn't care but they are very busy people. We value yer plight we really really do, please hold.

The guilting went on "Why don't you help them? If each one person in the UK pays just one dollar that would be enough money.

These two people are old and poor, and that is why you don't care if they come home. You don't want old, poor people in your country.

They will die here until they pay the money, that's for sure."

Such harsh mocking make it stop. Like everyone in the cuntry gives a shit, if the pirates were so compassionate then they um wouldn't be pirates......... What else can they be they made really crap slaves?

The couple I'm guessing were able to retire early, they have a yacht and do you know how much it costs to sail around the world these days?

Away and fuck you Johnny Depp wanna be they sound like very upper middle class to me, not that wealthy people aren't worth saving but Old Knudsen wishes he had a yacht he could be kidnapped from.

The Chandlers could do with a starve look at those fat fuckers, she already has her pirates sunken chest.

Somali pirates need to stop learning from the likes of Bono and Geldoff maybe the bloodthirsty cut-throats are drumming up money for Haiti, thats nice and trendy and totally worth saving as it was such a thriving hub of business with no corruption at all.

Old Knudsen knows how the people of Haiti feel because after 20 aftershocks I cannae find my hoose either.


Reggie said...

There is a big part of me that is amazed that there are actually pirates in the 21st century; and yet, I'm reminded of something a bank robber once said. We only rob banks because that's where the money is. With so many impoverished people out there, should I really be surprised?!? Sure they should get off their asses and find some way to gainfully support themselves, but there has always been shit in the world. It's been like that for thousands of years. People like the Chandlers have been being kidnapped and raped and molested for thousands of years. Maybe it's a good thing that I don't have unlimited money to get bored and end up getting in trouble is some back water third world nation?

These oil companies that are being preyed upon by these pirates ought to buy helicopter gunships and staff those ships with marines and blow those pirates to hell. I'd feel sorry for the oil companies; but they're well....oil companies. They've got the money to resolve their problems. All it will take is a few well placed bullets and missiles.

I'm with you, the Chandlers should have stayed their asses at home; but in my mind the British government would be justified in going in there and blowing those pirates and would be rapists to hell. Then again, I have a hard time imagining any horny pirate wanting a piece of Mrs. Chandler, she looks like the anti-viagra. But perhaps that story was told to bring attention to their plight?!? Good Christian woman threatened with rape so please send money....or maybe I'm just cynical? Either way, who'd want a piece of that?!?

MJ said...

She needs to get herself to the nearest chippy.

Momentary Madness said...

who wants to see the world, it's shite. Stay at home watch a vedeo, and have a nice cup of tea.

Old Knudsen said...

Reggie: I would love for the empire to re-start the floggings but before you know it you have cuntries shouting war crime! Ask the Isrealis, ok then don't ask them they killed jesus.

MJ: there are lots of fine chip shops in Somalia so I think she should.

MM: Watch a Youtube I really don't know what they were expecting.

Fat Sparrow said...

Dear god, how long have they been holding that woman hostage?! Get some meat down her neck, stat. Charge it to her account.

Donnw/2nz said...

I don't think that Governments should pay for citizens who climb avalanche prone mountains either...once you have decided to do something dangerous and foolish buy some insurance from Lloyds and f*ck off. Why should taxpayers bail out someone with no common sense?
"maybe they have beads to sell" HAHAHA I'm still laughing..I geddit.
If you are doint something that insane then you need to pay for your own ransom.