Thursday, 18 June 2009

The End Of The World ........ Again

Ancient Microbes Awoken

Under the Greenland ice sheet an ancient enemy lies in wait. It waits for the time of the awakening as prophesied by Nosferatu, Mystic Meg and Miss Cleo ........ A tiny purple bug that has been buried under nearly two miles of ice for 120,000 years has been revived in a lab.

A team of mad scientists coaxed the dormant, limp frozen microbes, back to life by carefully warming the ice samples over a period of 11-and-a-half months on simmer followed by a rolling boil.

As the bugs, named Herminiimonas glaciei, awoke and began to replicate, colonies of very small purple-brown bacteria started to appear.

Dr Jennifer Loveland-Curtze, who led the US team at Pennsylvania State University, said the cells could provide clues to how life might survive in extreme environments on other planets. They may even be injection into people to enable them to survive in space. To be tested on poor people first.

She stressed that H. glaciei was not harmful to humans even though it can pass straight through safety filters commonly used in laboratories and hospitals.

But she added that if harmful, or pathogenic, super-small bugs existed they would be hard to detect and could be the end of humanity as we know it and was totally not their fault.

After two weeks Loveland-Curtze was pleasantly surprised when the microbes invaded a co-worker and used his body to feed off and grow.

Old Knudsen's thoughts:

At a time when even superheroes find that their jobs have been out- sourced to illegal alien superheroes should mad scientists be creating baby eating monsters from 120,000 year-old germs? The answer is of course they should.

You can only distract the public so long with space exploration , global warming and ghey rights, baby eating monsters will have their 15 minutes of fame and then they will have their own reality show. Some liberals will say they are bad for us but a study funded by Pennsylvania State University will prove them wrong and that they are only bad for babies who as we know like worms don't feel pain.

One thing Old Knudsen noticed about this story. people searching for 120,000 year-old germs can find thick ice so why can't global warming worry warts?

Renown psychic the right honourable Rev. Elation also saw the awaking in a vision, he also saw a great prince of light who wore a cloth crown. He would be the anti-freeze and would fight against the great lie.

Old Knudsen does not know who he means.


Donn Coppens said...

That's just great..another microbial agent of death unleashed to morph and join the others in their search for a combination that will destroy our species.

The deadliest forms of microbial life on the entire planet are safely contained (HA!) in the National Virology Lab here in downtown Whateverpeg.

If anything ever happened to those walls this city would look like a George Ramirez movie in about half an hour and Zombies would be breaking down my door trying to eat my braaaains!

Let sleeping germs lay.

MJ said...

If scientists want to study germs they should ride public transit with me.

Heff said...

That's the first referrence to Miss Cleo I've heard in quite some fucking time.

Boxer said...

or clean the men's bathroom in my shop.

Just Another Faceless Commenter said...

The deadliest forms of microbial life on the entire planet are in my local Wal-Mart bathroom.

You need a haz-mat suit just to go in there. It's fucking dire.