My Fist Is Mightier Than The Penn

 Ok whatever, Hey America just get this cunt a ball gag and don't let him near camera, its for yer own good. Have you heard what he is going on about as he visits his South American buddies?


Some of his words:

"My oh my, aren't people sensitive to the world colonialism, particularly those who implement colonialism. It's unthinkable that the United Kingdom can make a conscious decision to deploy a prince within the military to the Malvinas, knowing the great emotional sensitivity both of mothers and fathers in the United Kingdom and in Argentina who lost sons and daughters in a war of islands with a population of so few."

 

Has Penn gone full retard again? 

Prince William is on the Falkland islands to show the UK what a common touch man of the people he really is and to remind the Falklanders that they have not been forgotten about so fcuk off Penn! 

Its cumming up to the 30th anniversary of the failed Argentinean invasion of the Falkland islands. If ya forgot its those islands in the middle of no where that were in British hands before Argentina was even a nation, yeah those ones. 

Old Knudsen didn't break a finger nail, lose an eye (found it again) and broke wet wind with lumps fighting the Argies in 1982 so some crap actor with a history of domestic abuse and assault upon photographers can yap on about Uruguay being a 'model of development in the world' if you like it so much Mr you don't know what Iraq is like I've been there Penn then go live there. 

Yes it was a silly war and WTF was Argentina thinking? they gave shelter to fleeing Nazis after WWII who trained their army of course they were going to lose.

 Hey Penn! yer friends have dressed you up like a dickhead and they did it on purpose.

 Kiss fer fcuks sake, its as bad as X-files.

You've lost yer way Penn and ended up in the shit. Also yer ugly and smell like pish.... wot no angry cum back?

If ya told Argentina's President Cristina Kirchner that you supported the ousting of 3000 British citizens off the Falklands just to get yer hole off her then you'd have Old Knudsen's support but no ya had to suck up to the other enemies of truth and justice like Hugo the boss Chavez. 

Simon Weston a former Welsh Guardsman and British hero who served during the Falklands conflict said. 
"Sean Penn is living, breathing proof that just because you are famous doesn't mean you know what you are talking about. Penn is an idiot. It's bad for people to think you're a fool. You don't need to open your mouth to prove it. By opening his mouth on this, Sean Penn proves he is a fool."

Indeed Mr Weston.

Old Knudsen is proud not to have any Sean Penn movies in his DVD library and has not even heard of the last three films this dick has made. What Old Knudsen does know that this guy gives free speech a bad name.

Movie Star Time Travellers

You may have heard the rumour that movie star tax dodger Nicholas Cage is a vampire due to this picture of some bloke from the 1800's who bares a striking resemblance to the Season of the witch star.

WRONG! like many others in Hollywood and government jobs he has merely sold his soul to Satan.

Matthew McConaughey war veteran and Failure to launch star is also soulless.

What do these movie stars get for giving away their ticket for eternal choir singing with the heavenly host?
Immortality is the reward, unlike Old Knudsen who just can't be arsed to die in case he misses something these divas get to live forever. Now and again they have to make movies so bad that the Devil can pop up and make deals with many movie goers to have that memory taken away for just the price of a soul.  Enjoy The wicker man did ya? you weren't supposed to.

Why don't you rent out Battlefield Earth or Wild Hogs Old Knudsen reckons you'd be selling yer soul for forget me pills after that. If you haven't seen any of those well maybe you have and you can't remember you soulless pleb.

Or they may just be time traveling demons, who cares as long as they tell us who they are wearing? Matthew Broderick can be seen here with his evil looking hound of Hell. You can tell she loves the taste of man and would suck ya dry in an instant.

It must be a drag for some of them. Famous for failing to blow up some English and then a load of unwashed liberals use yer face for their cause. 

Of course they deny it, that right there is one of the signs of guilt but Old Knudsen knows the smell and the taste of evil, as it says in the Bible, "Better out than in-th".

Gene Pool Improved

A sheep has given birth to a ‘half-sheep half-human’ baby in Sokoto, Nigeria. The kind of head line you'd expect to find in Ballymena.

Spooked locals have demanded to know who the owner of the animal is........ maybe they want to know if he has a name picked out or needs any baby clothes. The same thing happened in Turkey a while back and a mob killed the beast which right there shows you those savages aren't ready for the EU.
Rick Perry was right, Turkey is run by Osama loving terrorists.  

Old Knudsen is surprised more of these births aren't happening as many weemen just aren't making the effort anymore.

Fcuking hot or what? the only thing that could make these gurls hotter would be a fake orange tan .... C'mon gurls make the effort, I'm no asking ya to wash yer lady gardens or anything just slap on some lipstick. 


Remember to have safe sex people, yes make sure the barn door is locked.

 

You Will Never Take Our Scenery!!!!

Donald Trump (America's sweetheart) is as you know building a luxury golf course resort in Aberdeenshire .................... Scotland.

Thank Gog someone has realised the need for this rather than those short sighted idiots that build schools,  hospitals and other places that no one wants to go to and so won't get funding.

There is a blight on Donald's dream and that blight has a name, 'Renewable Energy'.

Plans are being made to build an offshore 11 turbine wind farm. Studies have shown that these turbines kill birds, bats and small lambs and such with the whooshing they do. Also there is concern that they may cause cancer in kittens and insanity in others if looked at for more than 10 seconds because the light of the water reflects in the props as they spin. Statistics show that 93% of military veterans who suffer from PTSD have at some time in their lives looked at a wind turbine for more than 10 seconds. The facts can not be ignored.  

A fire concern has also been raised after a turbine went on fire in December 2011 during 165mph winds.... ah the irony. Dangerous things as you can see.

What if in cold temperatures the turbines froze and ice formed on the props and then flew off when they thawed out? ......... Deadly!

Donald Trump is a man of vision and can see the danger and doesn't want to see it. He is so angry about the peril Scotland is in he wrote to Alex Salmond the first minister of Scotland. A situation much similar to Churchill when he warned about the Nazis and no one listened.


"With the reckless installation of these monsters, you will single-handedly have done more damage to Scotland than virtually any event in Scottish history."

Yes Salmond you cunt, putting these MONSTERS up will make Edward Longshank's genocide against the Scottish look like an episode of Barny....THINK Mr Salmond THINK of all the death and destruction not to mention those poor millionaire golfers that might happen to glimpse them.   

Trump continued:

"As a matter of fact, I have just authorised my staff to allocate a substantial amount of money to launch an international campaign to fight your plan to surround Scotland's coast with many thousands of wind turbines."

Old Knudsen has not received any money but is open to some to help fight this evil (fcuk Syria) and to maybe blot out his life with a few bottles of beat the wife if you are reading this Mr Trump.

He added:

"Please understand that I am doing this to save Scotland."  

Old Knudsen says that to yer ma when he bangs her.

Work has stopped at the resort until Trump gets the answer he wants.

Willie Rennie the Scottish Liberal Democrat leader who likes a bowl of porridge for breakfast most days said "This letter is a rather desperate attempt by a rich man who is used to getting his own way. But his latest tizzy is embarrassing. Instead of the world laughing at Scotland, Scotland is laughing at Mr Trump..........Dickhead."

He may not have said dickhead but I'm sure he was thinking it.

Then he added from the safety of not having to decide.

"I would urge the first minister to listen to Mr Trump but no more and no less than anyone else. We won't be bullied by Mr Trump and his millions."

Speak fer yerself I want his millions.

Its a case of NIMBY or Not In My BackYard and you'll agree that this time its justified.When was golfing about the environment? its about putting a hole in one bitch and about sandy hoes also some playing around with the boys. Golfers like a bit of rough not clean renewable energy just ask Tiger.

Lets hope the savior of Scotland Donald McTrump slays all of those who wish to drag Scotland into the 21st century.

Turbines indeed what is this Holland? 

 

A Harsh Mocking

There was a recent story about a woman born with 2 vaginas. She spoke about it on TV which took her a lot of courage to do. The reaction? ............. offered a million to star in a porno.  Here is a picture of 2 useless cunts. Obama recently said he 'deserves' another term, what is he going to do when he loses cry its not fair?

The UK has always been at least a decade behind the US so you'd think we'd know what was going to happen. Fcuking immigrants getting all the jobs ruining our cuntry. Yeah Hitler said that too. Old Knudsen would rather work with a dirty slav or a smelly beaner anyday than a lazy local.

The UK wants to pretend it isn't in Europe and Scotland wants to pretend it isn't a part of the UK.

A local representative by day and a cross burner by night. Humanity will always find a way to keep itself doon by blaming others.

The Feds decided that in Callyfornia majority does not mean truth and called Prop 8 totally ghey.

Gurly boys are back in style!

Nazis and the Catholic church. Old Knudsen never gets tired of mocking them.

Unicorn Rising

Just having a laff before they drift off into history. 

Socialism For Dummies

Dylan is an alcoholic but its not his fault ........ its an illness. He gets over £200 ($315) on benefits a week from the government and spends most of it drinking in his government funded home..... its not called social housing for nothing.  Jamie is a long term unemployed crack hoor but its not her fault .......... its an illness.  

Watch their hilarious antics as Jamie blows half the town and Dylan blows his weekly benefits then applies for a Crisis loan he'll never pay back............ its not his fault hes enabled. 
  
You'll laugh yer ass off then go get fired from yer job and still make the same money. Its crazy!  

Sheep Pervert To Exploding Convert

Liam Neeson a simple lad from sheep loving Ballymena which is one of the many the bible belts around the troosers of Northern Ireland had an epiphany while staying in Turkey.

Paraphrased from a Greek chorus of eye  witnesses who were also in Turkey:

"Ach my Catholic religion is good an all but diddling little boys is so last week, blowing yerself up and getting 72 virgin sheep now thats what a happening young man from Ballymena wants."
 

 Will he or won't he convert?

Now Old Knudsen knows that many hundreds of people get comfort and love from religion no matter which one it is and to condemn religion as the opium of the masses and a constant excuse for hate murder and destruction and unlike immigrants it is the #1 woe of the world would be wrong ..... Old Knudsen knows this, nah its only good for shite stirring and consider yerself a mongish sheep if you take the bible literally.

Liam me lad accept Old Knudsen as yer personal trainer and give to me yer riches in this world so that ye may be saved in the next to join yon cosmic soup.     

Sex On A Stick

Lisa Woodman  was "shocked and humiliated" to be turned away and given a life ban from three clubs in Worcester in the West Midlands, Engerland of course, the land where men don't like weemen.

Mode, Tramps and Velvet are the clubs in case you want to boycott them in support.

One doorman told her she was "too old" to wear revealing outfits although she is only 28.......... she looks 27 if you ask Old Knudsen.

The poor lass split from her partner last year leaving her with four screaming brats  (is she a 4X4?) a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle and no regular cock to call her own so she got a boob job and went to the gym ................. no not a plastic surgeon for her face or a therapist for her low self esteem but still, there is only so much you can get on the NHS.

Then she hit the clubs in her fuck me now I'm easy clothes and got no satisfaction.

She has complained to the company that owns the clubs but they don't care and she is miffed that gurls in their early 20's wear sluttier clothing and get in.

I think the clubs would say something like, "just because you CAN wear the clothes doesn't mean you should".

Old Knudsen is disgusted! yes add OMG and WTF? to that.  Why are sexy hot weemen not allowed into clubs? Old Knudsen would do a long weekend on this lass. Sure paper bags would be used but still.

So It Is

  

Old Knudsen used to know this bloke who was the dullest shite ever. The most annoying thing about him wasn't the flat tone in which he spoke or the fact that he spoke really slowly or his forced little ha ha ha laugh. The most annoying thing was that he finished every thing he said with a useless phrase at the end. When Old Knudsen couldn't avoid him I'd hear him out and then I'd wait for his useless phrase, for example: "I almost forgot my keys today ha ha ha ................................................... so I did" or "I'm really tired today ha ha ha ............................ so I am". Old Knudsen would wait for it and the more Old Knudsen got annoyed the compulsion to use the same idiotic phrases would pop up in his own head .... so it would.

Lots of people in the northern part of Ireland say this, yes the island is filled with morons. Why the fcuk must you add unimportant shite to the unimportant shite you've just said? Its it to not just make yer point but to really make it?

Bird Flu Away

Scientists who created a more deadly strain of bird flu have temporarily stopped their research amid fears it could be used by bio-terrorists.

Old Knudsen was reading this story on the line about how US scientists developed a more deadly strain of bird flu .......... poor wee birdies as if they don't sneeze enough.

Experts are ascared a mutant form of the virus could spark a pandemic worse than the 1918-1919 Spanish flu outbreak that killed 40 million people.  How did this idea cum about?

So yer a Yank scientist, yer Star Trek alarm clock goes off and you lie there in bed about to start a new day. "what will I do today?" you ask yerself glancing over to yer poster of Hayden Pantyline with yer hand reaching lower to yer morning phwoarr stick.

                                Old Knudsen would shag her but he wouldn't thank her for it.


"I know, I'll cure cancer, no I'd better start off slowly curing cancer might be a tricky one" thinking away as you slap slap slap yer mother's pride. "I'll cure bird flu, cheerleader bent over oh the firm tanned buttocks and wobbling titties .......... Jaj yIra" you moan in klingon. At least you can pee now and expect the majority of it to hit the bog.

"Better yet" you think as you wipe off yer issue using a nearby sock, "I'll make the H5N1 flu virus even more deadly".

What the fcuk? bird flu is deadly to humans but it cannot be passed from human to human ..... why would you make it so that it could be? Also how do you get paid to cum up with this shit?

Old Knudsen isn't very concerned that some raghead terrorist will get his hands on a cup full of new improved bird flu because...

 

If you start any trouble Abdul , Marky Mark will fcuk you up!

Really people wise up and use yer smarts for smart things. Old Knudsen nearly died of man flu around Christmas time so why don't you cure that? whats that? oh curing things isn't cool or edgy enough we gotta soup it up. Guard dogs are alright but wouldn't they be fcuking awesome with laser beam eyes and steel claws? 

Sharks with human arms grafted on so they can pull you by the leg off yer boat......... I see a screen play for a Syfy channel movie formulating in Old Knudsen's head............'Armed to the teeth' starring Stephen Baldwin.

In this crazy world its hard not to have the mantra WTF?

Insurgent Big Cats

Things you don't except to read about in the Belfast Telegraph. A Leopard attack in Eastern India. Is this the first wave of a Lemur world invasion? I wouldn't put it past the wee bug eyed fcukers.

Will Old Knudsen have to defend the world again like he did when the Silver Surfer tried to feed our world to Galacticus ?
Ya know I just can't be aresd right now maybe a lemur invasion will jump start the economy unlike the various middle east wars that do nothing but drain our resources.We need to pick our fights a lot better............ Hey Iran stop it with the crazy eyes or I'll knock you out! guess who wants to be the new North Korea. Just throw some aid at them to shut them up.

A Movie To Get Yer Teeth Into

 

Since Old Knudsen missed out on the Queen's new years honours list yet again he is in need of validation so he is going to win an Oscar instead. 

Touch wood productions is a small film company with big ideas. A re-working of a little known vamp romp called Twilight. When my agent brought me this I thought it was going to be an action/porn movie set in a rest home with the tag line, "In God's waiting room only the brave jump the queue". 

So off to Vancouver which is in America ..... north America.

 

For some reason weemen get the horn when they see a man climbing a tree.

The story starts with some vampire named Edward disappearing up his own arse My character Gorse Burns finds Edward's middle school sweet heart  'Stella'  (its a re-working so changes had to be made) who is obsessed with old geezer cock and there is this really cool scene with her cutting herself in a fit of self pity and Gorse uses that for some 'take advantage sex' real edgy stuff.

Then Caleb a werewolf cums in and says, "mind if I join in?"

Some of my best acting to date, you should go and see it at least twice. The others in the flick are shite but what can you do?

Well Bred And Undead

Old Knudsen is expecting the peelers to knock doon his door any moment ........... yes he is always expecting that but really this time.

It was only yesterday that he made a comment elsewhere on the Interweb stating what he has known for years.

Earlier in the week a body was found on the Queen's Sandringham Estate so Old Knudsen said it was a young runaway that the royals had been feeding off in order to live forever. Like duh! it wouldn't be the first time and since Prince Philip died in hospital recently ya need a body to bring him back but ya all know that.

I mean who would survive over a Christmas weekend in an NHS hospital having heart surgery? 

Well the news has caught up and now the media is trying to figure out which young runaway has been found. Old Knudsen says keep looking he also says that the Queen's henchmen are sure getting slack, I blame the recession.

For The Love Of Art

Start the year the way you mean to continue. Old Knudsen will be mostly appreciating the beautiful things in life like art.

Better art than in!