Douche Bags Of History

Historical douche bag ... er legend. Thomas Edison, The Wizard of Menlo Park and creator of the phonograph, movie camera, pocket pussy and the long lasting practical light bulb. He won the War of the Currents against Nicola Tesla.
As a poor filthy immigrant Tesla was employed by Edison but left in a huff when he redesigned Edison's generators but Edison didn't pay him his worth ..... $50,000? I was just kidding about that, you can have a $10 a week pay rise if you want .... lol!


Tesla came back with his AC induction motor. To prove that AC (alternating current) was more dangerous than  DC (direct current) Edison decided to pass AC through various stray animals such as dogs, cats and horses.

Like any right thinking person would. 

1,000 volts of DC was put through a dog and it lived. Then 300 volts of AC was put through it and they had a BBQ.

Topsy the elephant was given 6,000 volts of AC while 1,500 people watched at Coney Island. What a nice day out for the family.
In 1890 Edison designed an electric chair with AC ... also to demonstrate how dangerous it was. Murderer William Kemmler had his internal organs cooked for 17 seconds and while still gasping for breath they put more through him for 4 minutes until he burst into flames.

'I told you it was dangerous ... especially when strapped to a chair with electrodes put on you.' 

  Wanna see my coils? .. lose a few pounds and we can date.

Nikola Tesla may have received immortality in FB memes, he's thought of as a do gooder Bernie Sanders type who wanted free electricity for all. He had little interest in electricity utilities and fucked up a lot of business partnerships by wasting their funding. He wanted to invent crazy shit like death rays. 

The skinny 6 foot 2 Serb with poor personal hygiene had an Eidetic memory and spoke 8 languages. 

People always mention what a great dude he was. He believed in gender equality ... he did? Well I suppose he fired his secretary for being fat, not for being female. 

He had Nazi leanings and believed that poor, disabled or other undesirables such as criminals should not be allowed to breed.  

Edison became a national hero and long remembered throughout history because he was a better businessman. He had staying power. Spencer Tracy played Edison in a 1940 movie called Edison, the man. 

Tesla died in 1943, I wonder if he went to see the film. 'they called that fucker 'the man' I'm the man.'   

  

Luckily social media wasn't about then as historical figures would get a roasting for what they did.

People forget that historical figures were real people, not some noble idea of a person. Charles Dickens left his wife and 10 kids for a younger woman, he only contacted her 3 times via letters after the split and not even when one of their sons died. 

Benjamin Franklin was described as being "slippery and opportunistic" a petty man who would go out of his way to win an argument. 

Thomas Jefferson and Gandhi didn't like black people (though Jefferson raped/had sex with a black servant) He said how they smelled bad, I hope he held his nose when he was giving it to Sally.

Napoleon only opened schools just to have educated military officers and took away rights from women. 

Woodrow Wilson was a fan of the KKK screening Klan movies at the White House. 

Only 7% of donations given to Saint Mother Theresa actually went to the causes. She withheld medicine from the sick and dying because she was all into suffering being good for the soul ... just not her suffering.   

 

Henry Ford and Charles Lindbergh were Nazis. Lindbergh got the Hollywood treatment with lovable James Stewart playing him.

People may have floated around until Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity but Christopher Wren, Robert Hooke, and Edmond Halley all did work on gravity before him. Newton did the math and got the credit though he had worked with Hooke who he didn't acknowledge. 

John Lennon, Marvin Gaye, James Brown were all woman beaters. 

People don't stop having issues and being dicks because history decides that were were legends. Hollywood showed General Custer as being a hero instead of a war criminal who attacks women and children. Yay here comes the 7th cavalry to save the day .... as long as you are white. Don't fall for the historical rewrites. 

 

Whitewashed History Goes Black

 

 Of the sail ship Enterprise. 

The University of New South Wales .... in Australia not Wales has been accused of  "rewriting history" because they prefer to use the term invaded when it comes to Captain Cook rather than how he discovered Australia or settled it.
Cook claimed Australia for Britain in 1770 but like America there were already people there. In fact there were 250 tribes of Aboriginal people living there so it wasn't exactly discovered.

A term for this has been called Columbusing obviously after Christopher Columbus who didn't really discover Jack or shit, go ask the Vikings who didn't discover it long before him.

 Cook making friends in Hawaii just before they killed him.

A forced colonization is an invasion if you have to rid yerself of the indigenous population first but back then people of colour weren't classed as being human so fuck em right? Things only mattered to the civilized white man, it was a man's werld, a white man's werld.
In the 1780's 50% of Aborigines died of illness, was this like the small pox blankets given out to Native Americans? Some suspect that natives were exposed on purpose but there isn't any proof. What happens on the far side of the werld stays there.

From the first discovery of Australia right up to the late 1920's there have been many slaughters of indigenous people carried out by soldiers, settlers and local police. Isolated areas have held the story of murder and rape for decades.

Aborigines were classed as flora and fauna and only got the status of being human in 1967. It's a similar story to the Native Americans though they got their rights sooner but rights for ethnic people still have to be fought for a lot of the time. 

All these "native" savages had laws and arts but were seen as primitive to western eyes. The Aboriginal culture was 60,000 years old by the time the white man arrived. When they were going walk about in the bush the Neanderthals were dominant in Europe. 

The Australian Aboriginal people have the longest continuing religion in the world with rock art that is 7,000 years old but depicts plants from 20 - 40,000 years ago. I don't think they needed or wanted to be discovered. 

Sure they were isolated and had stone tools, they also didn't farm because they lived symbiotically with the land and didn't have cities to feed. 

Then there are the Stolen Generations. One such story was from the 1950's, a woman who was taken aged 2 with her sister aged 4. They were playing outside while her mother was inside talking and social services took the children.
The other children were told to not say a thing or they'd be taken too so the mother thought the kids had been killed in the bush. 

The sisters were taken to Marella Mission Farm, a Church of England run home for children run by a white married couple that insisted the children call them mum and dad. While the couple lived in a house the children were housed in a chicken coop. The children mostly ate sandwiches and even baby food.

Older kids looked after the young ones and they worked on the farm and during Christmas holidays they were sent to other families for a couple of weeks. Anything they had been given by those families was taken off them upon return and sold. 
They were told lies such as coming to the farm with sores and covered in lice with abusive parents and many were too young to know better but the older kids that were more like parents to them told them the truth.  

For years the mother had thought that her children were dead but eventually got them back but the trauma prevented them from being a close and happy family. 

Thanks a lot Captain Cook ... dick! 

The history rewriting is more of a revision not told from a conqueror's point of view but from the point of view that everyone involved are human, they are all people. Not the white civilized European and the dirty dark skinned primitive. 

Yeah we invaded and we killed and didn't think anything of it. History needs to be true for all of those involved.