The Poonisher

Today is national 'I'm going to kill those you hold dear and then slowly torture you to death for not picking up yer dog's shit' day. Enough is enough I'm sick of walking the streets checking for booby traps like it was Nam all over again.

Recently while walking the streets at night (fighting crime an stuff) I not only stood in a turd but my foot slid 6 inches forward like it was ice. Even with street lights that part of the pavement was dark so I stood no chance. Only Old Knudsen's cat like reflexives saved him from totally going for his tea.

I shall now hunt down any dog owners I suspect of not poo lifting, break their legs with hammers and force feed them dog poo (I have a collection) before slitting their throats .... over kill? How dare you judge me you cunt!
If Old Knudsen can't do his gravy train around the aisles in Tesco then dogs should not be allowed to poop where they please either. 

 
Eye posters over bicycle stands have reduced bike thefts. Like Mountain lions a bike thief will not strike if they think there are eyes looking at them. Mountain lions always attack you from behind, aye the great outdoors can be just like a prison shower at times.

Old Knudsen can not be everywhere .... unless you count those Soviet clones of Old Knudsen but technically they are different people and some of them are right arseholes, I can't stand them, I'd still do them but I wouldn't be friends with them.

So by putting eyes onto trees I shall let the poo offenders know that they are being watched. These eyes will strike fear into their hearts and they WILL lift their dog do.

I can only cover up some crimes ya know before I'm forgetting who I killed and where, one time I was putting a hooker into a shallow grave under some roses when I realised the bloke that tried to get me to switch me electricity provider was buried there ... awkward! ... lovely blooms on those flowers though.

I'm only kidding and you can't prove anything ha ha, I joke sooo much. Ach they were all filthy hoors anyways otherwise the archangel Michael wouldn't have told me to kill them.

So I'm off today putting me guardian eyes onto trees. I hope people read this blog post so they know what I'm doing, I don't want folk to think I'm a nutter or something.  



 

Does Not Contain Corn Or Nuts

Hey there baby, I want to kiss your body all over then use your shite for toothpaste.  Who hasn't used that chat up line huh. You probably recognize Ken Shimizu a Japanese porn star from the picture ... yeah me neither since they all tend to look alike, is that racist? .... good.

Shimizu has set up a restaurant to let customers find out what shit tastes like. If people wanted to know that then surely they would pinch off a loaf onto a plate and get stuck in or maybe go along a popular dog walking route and find some ground chocolate as I call it. Old Knudsen may be full of shit but he does not eat it .... often. Check out my new video: One man, one cup and a Dalmatian named Drippy. 

     This curry tastes like shit .... thank you.

Yeah the Japanese are fucken weird I think we can all agree on that. Shimizu makes a curry with the taste and texture of shit and serves in in a urinal shaped dish, what no pineapple cubes? 

It's made with onion, carrot, minced chicken, bitter gourd, cocoa powder, bitter Japanese green gentian tea and curry powder. There is also a sun-dried salted horse mackerel called kusaya which smells like dog shit. Getting hungry yet? 

All those Weeaboos out there can become Weeapoos. 

I don't know if this is Shimizu but look at yer berd ..... dang! is the expression I believe. 

I don't know why people would go to a restaurant and eat food that would make you gag on purpose, like I said Japs are weird. Shimizu strangely enough won't get rich at this, he says it's just for fun. He's a bit of an expert at the old poopery eating, he's sampled 250 people's shite, not sure if this was a part of his porn werk or if he just likes it. 

How would you ask someone you just met if you could eat their poo? ... like Old Knudsen doesn't know. 

Go to the Curry Shop Shimizu in Tokyo for some really shit curry or you can just get a shite take away in yer home town. 

If you go, don't forget to leave a tip like 'don't give up yer day job'  well especially if it's porn. Porn actor by day, shit curry chief by nite, living the dream my slitty eyed little friend.      

As Said By Old Knudsen

After getting together seven people who were friends/acquaintances one minute and then enemies the next Old Knudsen gazed upon their lifeless bodies at the bottom of the large pit way out in the desert and sadly shook his head.

"People can be so fecal sometimes."