Everbody Spies

Old Knudsen cannae tell you about everything hes done in his past, the only person hes ever told EVERYTHING to was a young psychiatrist who ended up going insane and to this day remains a slobbering wretch of a man .... it didn't affect his career any and I hear he practices medicine in London.

Keep practicing lad, someday you'll get it right.

Old Knudsen AKA The Storm Bringer AKA The Grim Raper AKA Death From Kilamory serial number 57- 84C security rating at time of retirement TGA - 17 with a level 4 rating in Extra Terrestrial negotiation and human enslavement processor grade 3 used to be a super secret spy working for the good guys, MI5, MI6, MFI, ASIS, R&AW, MOSSAD, KFC, CSIS, NSA, CIA to name but a few and loads of private contract work, gotta pay me rent, and me dealer etc. 

If I told anybody that, their lives would be over. Just a matter of when and how violent. I let it slip in a conversation with a prostitution I was trying to hire for a job but was short on the amount of funds she requested which I thought at the time to be quite high and I know about being high.  She was found a week later chopped up in a suitcase .... strange huh, but because of my past I can't go to police stations and tell them this, besides I was having some serious varnish related blackouts around that time I wasn't in a good place in me life and peelers are idiots, they would probably blame Old Knudsen or something just as dumb.
The reason why I was in such a bad way was because my wife left me for another man .... and took the dog, fuck I loved that doggie not just as a pet but in ways mere mortals cannae comprehend.

So here I am blabbering on and

You only read my blog for the chance of seeing naked weemen online cos yer too lazy to go searching for porn and yer wife checks yer Interweb history .... domestic spying.

The whole spying thing going on at the moment with Eddy Snowden is giving Old Knudsen flashbacks to the cold war .... fuck it was cold.

 

Nipples popping up like corks. 

The US spying on it's allies ..... terrible so it is.

Even Brazil came out and harshly condemned the US for spying ..... then it turned out that they themselves had been spying on those same allies.

    Carlos from Rio wants to know what you are wearing.

So Brazil came out with a very good reason as why it would be spying on the likes of Germany. 'To see if they were spying on Brazil'  as Dr House says, "Everbody spies" well he might have said it, I stopped watching him after a while, like Monk like Desperate hoosewives like psyched like Dexter ..... they start getting old after the joke/novelty has been played out.  America has so many TV shows they throw out without a clue on how to get to season 2 and so get cancelled, some shows like Lost get lucky and stick it out till the end.

Ryan Fogle of the US embassy in Russia with his Shaggy wig after the FSB somehow figured out he was a spy. Could it have been the shaggy wig?

Anyway everybody spies and anything goes that you can get away with, you do know that Germany is no doubt spying on everyone too right? if you don't believe that then you live in a cushy middle class sheltered life bubble of inexperience and denial, and you know it otherwise why do you get so worked up when someone accuses you of being middle class? 

Oh but Germany is the victim ..... Germany was asking for it, the way it dresses .  

Old Knudsen has long since retired, the game has gotten way too high tech for him, now they have robots following and assassinating robots, no one needs disinformation jockeys anymore, but what if we do spy-ception a lie built on a lie but based on the truth that actually didn't happen the way people think it did, and then just deny everything? 
You can fool some of the people some of the time but you can't fool all of the people all of the time but those who aren't fooled can have their credibility destroyed and maybe have a nasty accident or happen to be in the same place that some teen goes nuts with his assault rifle.

No one asks the right questions anymore but when they do stumble upon the right question to ask the Interweb is waiting to give them the "proper" answer.

The sky is more grey than blue these days, too many cloud-based applications no doubt.
 
    

The Spying Game

So fuck if I haven't been posting as much as usual, I have a life you know. So anyway I was sitting watching Yo Gabba Gabba, Dj Lance Rock (who is not a flaming homo) was grooving to a song about washing yer hands, a revolutionary idea if you ask me, they did the same brain washing techniques in China during the Great leap forward.

Then the phone rang, for fucks sake I didn't know I had one of those things. I tucked me cock back in and found the phone under a pile of dirty gunties. there was a label on it saying 'Spy phone' well that explains the broken door lock and the missing jar of change.

I answered it to find it was Sir Jock Stirrup the chief of defense for the UK. We've had our ups and doons but respect is there - ish.

"Knudsen" he said "We are keeping our MI6 operatives on the payroll even after the age of 65 when we would usually retire them. I know you retired in the early 1900's due to that whole silly Russian affair but we need you back, we need your expertise and dashing good looks."

Just as long as he didn't think I could be fooled by flattery .

"Your strong forearms that glisten with manly sweat as you defeat your opponents in hand to hand combat as you protect the people of the world need to be brought back into action as no body does it better and it makes me feel sad for the rest."

He had me at manly sweat.

"We have a 'special' relationship with America, as you know special means we trust them as far as we can throw them so we need you to spy no rather observe them. Tell us of any troop build ups, the latest fashions and any updates you have on American Idol and Lost."

I drew the line at American Idol I mean I'm no ghey.

"Our PM Gordon Brown (texture like sun) gave the Obamas a pen holder carved out of a 100 year-old anti-slaving ship, very tasteful. What did the Obamas give him? A selection of DVD's which included Psycho. Our top experts are trying to decide if this is an insult or not as Americans don't really think too much on the deeper abstract levels."

If it was the Psycho remake with Vince Vaughn I'd be phoning in the nuke co-ordinates right away.

We ended our conversation with pay details and was his wife ok about the misunderstanding we had in the jacuzzi in 1986. I swear it was a Snickers bar floating on the water, it had peanuts in it.

Then I got back to Yo Gabba Gabba and missed a cool song about Robot monster sex and how you should always use a keyboard protector.


I'm no recruiting touts (tell tales, rats, snitches, informers) but there is money to be made (literally in my garage) for those with any information on Lost and or naked pictures of yerselves.

Remember George Washington was a traitor until he won a couple of times with the help of the French.

Then he was charged with fraud and it all went doon hill.

Speaking of which. Educated people investing with Donald Trump giving him hundreds of thousands in deposits to build hotels only to have the job go sour and the deposits non-refundable.
These people trusted in Trump's money making reputation. WTF? just google the fucker, do they know how many times hes gone bankrupt ? the ugly bad haired cunt does reality shows, do you really thing if he had enough money he'd bother to do those?

Yet another example of Yanks believing what they see and hear on the telly and ignoring the truth and history of the situation, yes Ted Kennedy, Ghandi , Andrew Jackson, General Custer etc etc you have them all fooled.

It looks like the woman across from me is going out, I'd better log this into my note book once I go up to Wal-Mart and steal one.

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