A Heads Up

So yer a good looking young guy who used to work as a Disney character at Disneyland and you find yerself at a friend's house celebrating the 4th July up in Maine.

For a joke Devon Staples aged 22, put a mortar tube firework on his head and pretended to light it. His friends advised against it but in a freak accident he lit the fuse while it was on his head, good bye good looks and a party finishing at 10pm. Yep he was killed instantly and so was the party mood.

Experts have stated that 96% of drunk males are likely to put something on top of their heads to get a laugh.  

Not a very pleasant outcome but of all the stupid ways in which to die this one is kinda awesome because it had fireworks. It killed him straight away but the ooohs and aaahs lasted for a minute.

In  Montana a 32 year-old man died from a fireworks a mortar tube too and in New Jersey a 52 year-old man blew off a part of his lower leg, guess he wasn't trying hard enough.
 
The moral of the story is not to drink while handling explosives, not something you'd think twice about doing huh .... Being free to blow yerself up is what makes America great though suicide is still against the law as is selling yer body for sex.   
  

America Is The Greatest Nation In The World!

Happy Independence day to the greatest nation in the world! Aye it used to be Great Britain but since the UK tries to copy the US that says it all. All the other nations are pussies or evil.

If it wasn't for America we'd all be speaking German .... not even the Germans want to speak German.

Wrap an average American woman up in a flag and she looks hot!

This is what we have ...

Americans know customer service and the art of fine dining.

 Americans know funny, we have Father Ted and Benny fucking Hill.... both are dead. 

Presentation .... thats what it's all about. Old Knudsen would love to bust her lone star.

Go round the shops in the UK and you'll see t-shirts for Ventura and San Diego , go round the shops in the US and you won't be seeing t-shirts with Ballycarry or Croydon on them.

Loads of kids wear Hollister clothes, seriously children no one in Callyfornia wears that shite it's a midwestern company owned by those cuntbags at Abercrombie & Fitch that lies about it's history  and you buy it up  LOL!!! 

This is an ugly American woman!

This is an old age pensioner in America.... 66 and still leaping onto yer Ma.

Even in comics America leads and the UK follows, "I say, where do you want us to invade next old chap?"

Yanks can kill you by pushing a button. At 10,000 feet a US drone can pick out an innocent child from amongst a group of Islamists and kill them with death from above using a kid seeker missile.

 The CIA rock! and their rates of pay for foreign contractors such as myself is quite competitive.

Ach if it wasn't for that mix up in the courts Old Knudsen would be there right now spying on citizens rather than in the UK spying on citizens.

Old Knudsen getting ready for yet another mix up in the courts.

We salute you America for yer contribution to world culture and the arts. Happy 4th July and well done on being mature enough not to use this celebration to rub British noses in shit for getting their arse kicked.

If only we were that cool ... or even cool at all but if we win anything you'll never hear the end of it.

Fuck yeah!


  

So How Is That Independence Thing Workin Out For Ya?

Blah blah fucking blah so what you defeated the British. Yank peasants about to be crushed got saved by the French navy you must be so proud, I remember when the French saved us from the Rainbow Warrior.

Twenty years previous to yer rebellion the French almost aided Bonnie prince Charlie but wanted to see how well he would do. The lad did invade England but lost his nerve when the frogs didn't turn up and then lost his nerve at the battle of Culloden in 1746 when he ran away like the bloody pretend Scottish eye-tie he was.

Yeah ya got lucky and it seems it was the worse mistake you ever made. Just look at the state of the place, no state religion no socialised health care and no foreskins. The blacks get to shit on the white gheys in ghey marriage elections what the fuck? The white gheys should be the ones in power, social order gone mad.

No lords to doff yer cap to as they pass you by and spit on you and half yer leaders are actors and comedians, yeah here is an idea we'll elect yer man with OCD who solves all those crimes every week as president cos he must have the smarts and we'll have that chick who was the terminator from that canceled TV show as Vice president. Old Knudsen would like to perform some of his vices on her.


My Umbi, um um um.......... "Look I pished a puddle"


Old Knudsen has decided that the only thing great about America is it's weemen everything else can fuck off.

If Old Knudsen wasn't a gentleman he'd make a star busting comment about that young lady.





No wonder ya beat us look at the motivation we had.

The real celebration will be on the 11th night and 12th day of July so save some rejoicing for then as you can toast the 1690 victory over the Fenians by the Dutch midget King William III of Lavender.

No not that King Billy.


Old Knudsen was there around 1690 which is 24 hour clock talk, military time for you civvies, we had just beat the Sioux at the river Boyne and Billy said, " Lookin ze there I seez und dyke" and charged off to stick his finger in her as the bloody Dutch are prone to do.

He died later that day with a rope around his neck and his genitals alone in his tent but we gave him a fake death for the history books befitting a Dutchman who only wanted the throne as a source of revenue. We planned to have him go out in a hail of musket and grape shot, no idea why they shot grapes at us.

We tied him to his horse and rode him out to scare the Catholics, maybe it was the rope cutting off the circulation to his dead old bitter balls that had turned purple that really scared the taigs but then the horse 'Old Trippy' stumbled into a mole hole, the mole screamed an unearthly cry as anyone would with a horse's hoof up yer arse and Billy hit the dirt.

The 4th of July? :::::::::: spits on the traitor Denzil Washington::::::::::::: Its the 12th you want, fireworks are for fingerless plebs what you want is the beauty of a petrol bomb spreading over a Land Rover while the Spide who threw it pats out his burning fingers. Bottle rockets? Half bricks tumbling through the air bouncing off a riot shield pure poetry .

I will represent on yer Yank day! With me red hand, crown and star of David ...................

I shall also end this post on the greatness that is America. Can you no smell the freedom?

I Say Can You See?

Welcome to my celebration of the American way, blah words and odd pictures but very American.


Its been a funny old week and I've been all over the place. I went to Mongolia to stir up some anti-communist feelings as the Mongs have had it too easy for too long, Genghis Khan, Genghis Khan, Ghenghis Khan let me rock you let me rock you Genghis Khan wouldn't have put up with the commies oh no, he was a right cunt who killed anyone taller than a wagon wheel axle so he wouldn't have enemies in the future, now that's the way how to do war.

All the men go to war leaving fat arseholes doing gang signs to get the hot weemen.

Then I went to Columbia and freed some hostages from the FARC, I just did that for the comedy value of saying FARC a lot, I'd say, "FARC! two boiled eggs" and yes I would laugh every time I said it because I'm a simple soul as I said to old Harold Truman, "better out than in" and then I told him what Genghis Khan would do to the Japs if he had his way.

The land of good taste.

Its the 4th of July and you know what happened on the 4th of July 1776? Congress approved the wording of the Declaration on Independence and sent it off to the printers, it never got printed because me being an agent of the British and thoroughly pissed off that the Yanks only won because of the French helping them mis-placed it sort of.
Well I really wiped me arse on it in support of the niggers and the wee weemen who in no had their independence, I was a sort of human rights activist back then before deciding that people are cunts.

You don't look at the clock on the mantle when yer stoking the fire.

The Highland Catholics tried to use the French to defeat the British in fact those French bastards have always been trying to thwart our plans for world domination all the while trying it on themselves, just look at the yappy frogs in Quebec, suck it up Frenchies yer now Canadian and British bitch by default.

If I was married to Posh spice I'd be checking out what real weemen looked like too.

To any French readers of my blog fuck off you cheese eating surrender monkeys the only French thing I like is the fries and maybe some of the less hairy and washed weemen.

Still Americans just keep breeding.

I learned some conversational French when I worked there as a back bone inserter just after the war but I was fucked if I was going to do that ghey accent, if you don't want to say a 'T' at the end of a word then why the fuck do you spell it like that?
I can't remember half of that crap now, Spanish is another ghey sounding language and when someone says something to me in that dirty lingo I have to get through my automatic French response first so now I just don't talk to brown people unless they are hot.

Remember when America was cool?

Happy 4th of July you Yanks and I hope you are happy with yer taxation with representation, how did that work out for you? what a fine state the place is in with 45 million people without healthcare complaining about the government thinking yer vote counts as the schools get dumber and the petrol and food gets more expensive.

Americans want to see this ugly fucker shagging weemen, how ghey is that?

Good for you lot, spend money on fireworks because its unpatriotic not too and its not like Al Gore has said they are bad for the environment. No hard feelings about beating us either we British love you even if the rest of the world hates you, yer like a big retarded cousin to us similar but just not right in the head.


The only cuntry in which you can get season tickets for rehab and group discounts.

Ah children are our future. Miley Virus or Hannah Lantana the perfect example of American youth. I foresee pregnancy, rehab and more slutty pictures, you know the usual.

I just had to end it with Springsteen doing his sex face. He'll never make it big unless he starts to sound more like Pearl Jam like all the other groups.

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Happy 4th July.

Here is a flag I could swear allegiance to.

To all our American cousins who celebrate their Independence or worse mistake they ever made today. Now I'm not going to call George Washington a traitor as he was an officer in the militia under the British, nor shall I mention how he forced alcohol taxes out the poor Scots/Irish in the Appellations even though they used alcohol as currency because they had no money and had just bravely fought and beat the English.
Nor shall I say you only won because you got the French to help you, how embarrassing.

Enjoy yerselves and raise a toast to the French and thank them for yer freedom, and keep pets inside if you set off fireworks.