God Is On Our Side

Matthew the patron saint of tax collectors and accountants wrote in the sequel to the Bible, The New Testament,  "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven."

With our 21st century technology we can now make needles larger than camels so now rich people can get into Heaven. A billionaire that speaks for the people like Donald J Trump deserves to be in Heaven ... NOW!

In fact if Mattis could try to look awake for 5 minutes and dust off his service revolver in the name of national security that would be great.

Donald Trump is probably the best Christian in the history of Christianity. He is so good that he has only had to go to church like 3 times in his life and two of those times was because people on Twitter were slagging him off for not going like presidents are supposed to.

It's Easter, fuck separation of church and state, the President should be in church damn it!

Robert Jeffress, an evangelical megachurch pastor has his back and is often in the White House doing cleansing rituals to get the Kenyan Muslim evil out of the place ... yes ethnic cleansing rituals. 

Trump does his part by overturning every single Obama law. Obama passed a law saying that lead and broken glass should not be put into baby formula ... drain the swamp! Too much regulation.

Trump now insists that glass and lead goes into it. You can't make America great again unless you undo everything Obama did in his 8 years ... bring us back to the white good old days of Bush and an economy in recession, a Christian recession. 

It's not racist, Trump knows some black people and has recently stopped referring to them as coloreds. 

Of course he didn't just meet with black pastors in 2016 to get votes, ach you are so jaded and cynical. "Come to Trump Tower, just the lobby and you can say you met me, terrific!" 

  Oh yeah, check out the 2 Corinthians on that ... such a gentleman.   

Robert Jeffress and Paula Alt White, two regulars at the White House just happen to be white people. Hey Jesus was white, we just do Christianity better than um ... those people. Black evangelicals tend to start singing and dancing every 5 mins too. Well according to the movies.

Have you seen white people dancing? We're far to uptight for that malarkey.  Pastor White says that Trump will get into Heaven, she says, "Anyone who tells you to deny yourself is from Satan."  Wealth = good and the wealthy are obviously the favorites of God.

The Prosperity Gospel or Word of Faith believes you'll be blessed by donating to them too. That mansion and crappy mid-life crisis plastic surgery isn't going to pay for itself. 

Jeffress now says that God thinks it is ok for Trump to kill Kim jong un. Not personally of course, that would require courage. Being President he can and has put thousands of Americans in harm's way in Japan, South Korea and Guam. God demands sacrifice. Whoever risks their lives to do God's/Trump's bidding will probably get into Heaven when violently killed in action ... not the nice affluent part of Heaven though.

Pussy grabbing is terrible but not as bad as HER E-MAILS!!!

Using war, assassination or capital punishment on evil doers is all good with God ... Don't get Jeffress started on the Jews or the gheys for fucks sake, he's a mean wee shite.

The widows, widowers and children from Trump's fire and fury tantrum war will be invited up on stage at ego validation rallies as God also demands good ratings and grieving Gold Star families gets the ratings.  

Old Knudsen isn't going to say how the Nazis thought that God was on their side too. In fact most armies did. Welcome to the new Crusades.