I Saw Hitler's Willy

Giovanni Douchecapo in Hitler's office.

 
There are articles going around the Interwebs about Adolf Hitler having a small penis. These gutter press worthy articles are just for titillation, making fun of someone dead that can no longer stand up for themselves ... pardon the pun.

Hitler is Germany's Austria's Naziland's  most famous son. A thousand years of history and people say, "Adolf Hitler" as the most famous German .... Martin Luther might be the second most famous over Freud and Einstein only because of his iconic I have a dream speech made into a song by Abba. 

"But one hundred years later the Negro is still not free. You can take the future even if you fail . I believe in angels. Something good in everything I see."  

Just wonderful, though Hitler had some wonderful speeches himself. I'd like to apologise to the Nazi people on behalf of those news sources and their cheap laughs. 

Historians Jonathan Mayo and Emma Craigie studied the work of German historian Peter Fleischmann who claimed to had found proof of Hitler's undescended nut, (read about it in his book) and they made up discovered the idea that Hitler suffered from hypospadias or micro penis syndrome. 

Even while wearing short shorts Hitler was able to maintain his dignity. 

Hypospadias is a pretty common aliment in Germany, so much so that in Bavarian culture the longer the horn you blew meant the shorter yer cock was. It is unknown how big Hitler's horn was but Goebbels had a huge one. 

Mayo and Craigie have made the connection that sufferers of hypospadias are often angry domineering individuals out to prove themselves, famous sufferers have been Ronald Reagan, L. Ron Hubbard and Lance Armstrong. Donald Trump has refused to answer me as to how small his dick is on his Facebook page so it's probably very tiny.  

 

On the other hand Margret Thatcher was said to have had a huge cock. She called it the Paddy whacker. 

Giovanni Douchecapo was a young Italian liaison officer working in Nazi Head Quarters in Berlin. He noted that whenever Hitler used the swimming pool he'd always shower with his speedos still on afterwards, he just thought that he was shy.  

Hitler was just a normal bloke that drank tea and killed 6 million Jews. 

Sometimes when Dr Morell gave the Fuhrer his injection of bull hormones and cocaine for Hitler's date night with Eva Braun his hands would shake and he'd spill his tea. 

Once when Giovanni was in Hitler's office to put translated correspondence from Mussolini onto his desk, the Fuhrer walked out of his bathroom without any pants on, he had spilled his tea over them and was trying to rub out the stain. That was when Giovanni saw his willy or in German his wiener.     

"Hitler walked out rubbing his trousers, his tea stained tighty whities lay crumpled on the bathroom floor behind him. I looked right at his crotch, he was small like a baby, clean shaven too."

As is always when you look at someones crotch or at their tits they look up and make eye contact with you. 

"He knew I saw and said, 'I may have a small penis but I have big dreams' which was true, he then made a comment about getting the heating fixed as it was very cold in the bathroom ... there was nothing wrong with the heating." 

The next day Giovanni found that he had been transferred to North Africa and was taken prisoner in 1941. The Italians are very fast runners, during Operation Compass the Allies captured 130,000 by dressing soldiers as young gurls to lure the Eyeties in, some of the bait soldiers discovered the horrors of war before the trap was sprung..... some good men lost their innocence during that operation.    

Looking back Giovanni can see why Hitler would have wanted his body burned after his suicide and why Eva Braun had lots of male friends in the military rank and file.