Putin Has Man-flu

I cannot invade Ukraine today, I am dying.

Vladimir Putin has not been seen since 5th March, rumours of him having a sex change, plastic surgery or having slipped in the shower and died have been all over .... um this blog.

Putin has Man flu, probably given to him by the CIA in one of the health shakes he has instead of food. Putin hasn't eaten solid food in over 3 years, he says his blend of vegetables, peasant's blood, chicken and stem cells keeps him young and virile, just ask his partner Alina Kabayeva who has just given birth to his 4th love child.

Man flu is ranked more deadly and more contagious than Measles and Ebola and in 1953 killed just over one quarter of the male population of Holland. Not many people know that, because it's Holland and who really gives a fuck about Holland? Even the Hollandish don't give a fuck about themselves.

Symptoms of Man-flu are: Total paralysis, snot coming out of every orifice of the body, crying and calling for yer mammy, hallucinating that yer wife or loved one is yer mammy  ..... then death.

Experts believe that the shock that finding out that yer wife isn't going to wait on you hand and foot or the realizing that she doesn't care cos she has "female sniffles" and got out of bed so why can't you may kill a Man flu sufferer. Weemen can be so selfish and cruel.

Lets hope Ms Kabayeva doesn't put a new born baby ahead of one of the world's most powerful men and that she makes his last few hours comfortable.

RIP Vlad, we'll miss you mate.