Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Around The World In 80 Layover Flights

I always fly Ebola class.   
 So this week I took a trip around the world to see if the various nations still stood by the stereotype image everyone has of them for example fat Americans and polite British etc, this is what I found.
 A young man getting a rifle to hunt coons with. 

United States of America is the number one, best cuntry in the world, or so they keep telling us. In America you have the right to free speech, you can say any old stupid hateful thing and they love it, you may even get yer own reality TV show if yer offensive enough. Everyone has a gun except black people as that would just be asking for trouble. 
The US government spends most of it's time messing with the minds of the public by staging moon landings and blowing up skyscrapers and blaming terrorists, the cuntry is actually run by a space computer that crashed at Roswell in 1947. Americans used to not have an opinion about anything outside of the US but now they think that whatever is out there needs some kinetic action which is Obama admin speak for bombing. 

Americans hate immigrants or anyone that was on the land before white people got there. They also hate clean drinking water and being told what to do, such as dieting. 

 The Prime Minister of Canada meeting a young cuntry gurl. 
Canada used to be known as an uber polite place which was really dull and boring, not much has changed except they are all on the crack too. Now you may get, "Nice to meet you eh ... I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU EH!" The Canadians never got over the Americans invading them and burning their towns in the 1800's but are too polite to bring it up, they instead came up with a plan to secretly invade the US with Canadian actors playing Americans and to film everything cheaper so the US TV and movie producers go north and influence the American mind on a subliminal level with Canadian towns and actors ... eh. 

Canadians love their First Nation people, unless they complain and make a nuisance of themselves or claim welfare benefits that white people can't get. 

A Peruvian goat herder. 

South America is cuntry where you may get stabbed at a party or by a jealous lover or by a drug cartel, it's so unpredictable. They eat tacos while listening to polka music and chew on leaves that get them high. If you visit here bring extra money for bribes and ransoms. They used to have gold but the Spaniards took it all so now their main produce is nuts or selling children. 

A hard working people who cut lawns in half the time and for half the price of anyone, this work ethic has made them very much hated in the north of their cuntry.  

A young Australian couple. 

Australia was a hell hole you'd send convicts to, now you have to pay to go there what the fuck? Avid surfers they merely shrug when a shark takes their leg and pain medication is something that whiny Poms (English) use. A cuntry founded on homo eroticism which still plays a valuable part in modern society, Australian weemen usually have whole collections of vibrators and usually get pregnant by mistake or turkey baster.
Australians hate immigrants .... and vaginas.    

New Zealand is identical to Australia except the native people who got their land stolen are lighter skinned and hobbits live there.  New Zealand is like Australia's Canada ... eh.

  Room for one more on top ..... that's what she said. 

India is a cuntry with too many people who like China all look like each other. A growing economy they take all the call center jobs just to annoy you, "I'm having a hard time with my computer and I can't understand a thing you are saying" they eat with their hands and bathe in dirty rivers. When they aren't eating curry and doing strange Bollywood dancing they are raping each other.

They are currently upgrading their Soviet era weapons by spending $250 billion on new shit like Spike fire and forget anti-tank missiles from Israel. Fire and forget means you lock onto a target before firing so you can go make yer dinner or rape someone while the missile is doing it's thing.

    So this cat can have thoughts like a human ... why does it want cheeseburgers?

Pakistan is like India if India was a violent meth addict. They don't shoot their politicians like America would, they blow the fuckers up. Cargo containers used for shipping are regularly seen during political rallies to get in the way and deter this. It is the first Islamic cuntry to have nuclear power and 50% of the world's soccer balls are made here. The world's 6th largest army yet they can't stop Al Qaeda from operating from their lands .... almost as if they didn't want to. 

 Feel my thick fleshy hand of love.

North Korea is a nation of very emotional people, from the deep sadness they feel when the head of the cuntry dies to the sheer happiness they express when their current leader Kim Jong- un walks amongst them. The nation is a very satisfied lot as you never hear any complaints from the people. The cuntry is surrounded by a 10 foot tall electric fence to keep it's people safe and sound.

North Korea does not have an immigration problem, the world should learn from them. 

 Sunday service in full swing.

Ireland is full of drunk child molesters (the clergy) and knackers ( the Irish Traveling community) when the people of Ireland aren't getting drunk they are fighting, stealing or eating potatoes and they are loved all over the world for this. Leprechauns and "The little people" are an Irish invention to cover up child abuse that went on in the woods. If you dig anywhere in Ireland you'll either find a mass grave of children or someone the IRA killed (er disappeared) and hid. 

   The British not only mention the war all the time but also think that they won it on their own.

UK is England along with the inferior slave races the Welsh, Scots and the Irish (according to the English) they see no difference between Ireland and Northern Ireland and think the Welsh and the Scots should be grateful to be a part of the UK. The British people spend their time drinking either tea or alcohol and moaning about everything. Even with nice dry mild winters due climate change they still complain about the weather.

The British hate everyone including themselves and only want to be more like the Americans out of some strange self-loathing spite. British weemen wear too much make up and cleavage showing clothing so you can tell them from the men who are mostly all secretly ghey and have impotent rage issues because of it. 

The British hate immigrants and blame all their problems on them, "can't get an erection, BLOODY IMMIGRANTS!"

They want to penetrate you with their big German cocks. 

Germany is a cuntry that went from being the victim (losing two world wars that they started, poor things) to being the victor as one of the most successful and wealthy cuntries in Europe. They are a strange people with a god awful language which always sounds angry, even saying 'I love you' in German is enough to make a tough guy flinch.
The Germans know they did a lot of bad shit in the past but are trying to walk the line and behave, like a castrated pedo living near a school. You get the impression that the Germans are just going to flip at any moment and become evil again.

All German weemen have a facial hair problem due to the fact that Germans in the 1930's and 40's drank testosterone to become superhuman, only Russian weemen are more manly than German chicks.

Germans hate immigrants .... and everyone else.

 Putin being flirtatious.

Russia, big, cold, angry and drunk but that's enough about yer Ma. Russia is showing the world that it can host Olympics, Grand Prix racing and semi-invade other cuntries and no one can do shit about it. Economic sanctions? Russia laughs at them and imposes tougher ones on itself. Putin hid behind his couch and pretended not to be home when Old Knudsen called round but I get that a lot.
Russians these days are still usually intoxicated but buy their loaves of bread off Amazon rather than queue. They have even started to get in touch with their feelings, sure it's 'I feel hungry' and 'I feel horny' but it's a start and far more emotion than they are used to talking about. 

Russia is a safe haven for whistle blowers and fat aging actors such as Steven Seagal and Gérard Depardieu who dislike the world of lies from evil states such as the US and um France though not wanting to pay taxes may have something to do with Depardieu becoming a Russian citizen. 

Russia hates immigrants and ethnics.

 A beautiful French woman .... you just know those pits are hairy.

France, love it or hate it France will always be a nations of shrugging wankers talking big. French leaders seem to be aging ladies men who will charm the public with their special je ne sais wha ,cos I don't know what the attraction could be. As a cuntry France is getting more and more right wing with every protest breaking out into a riot. A weird people they have banned the burka from being worn for security reasons and because they are afraid of their own shadow, probably national PTSD from WWII. 
The french make wine cigarette butts and cheese from foreskin smegma, by putting a fancy label onto it means that unless yer French you won't like it cos yer an inferior pleb.  

   French police killing Algerian immigrants in Paris in 1961 ... nothing changes.

While the French continue to mime and look doon their noses at everyone, they really really hate immigrants. 

 A quiet Chinese street.

China is the world's biggest economy, they have been buying prime real estate in major cities across the world and quietly buying shares in companies.... it's as if they have a plan to buy the world instead of the usual world domination by force. These yellow skinned slitty eyed chinks are very racist, just ask the Africans who work for them, Africa now almost belongs to China.They eat rice and chicken feet and smoke cigarettes made out of feces. 

Since no one immigrates to China they have to hate their own people.

While on my travels I found Jesus who is now my personal trainer. I didn't go to any other cuntries due to international law and no fly lists that were very inconvenient ... oh and I ran out of money. Maybe next time I'll visit yer cuntry for a harsh judgement.       

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