Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Florida Uncovered

Since the fatal shooting and subsequent cover up of the face eating zombie in Florida OBB has gone in search of Florida's hidden zombie subculture.

How long can the US government pass the people of Florida and even Arizona off as normal ? Containing news stories with spin about a new form of LSD .......... A government drug released on the public via America's already tainted water supply?

Levon Washington is a mild mannered petrol station employee blending into the Floridian population with his large brow and rotten over bite . His thirst for brains and his blood dripping lunchbox are the only things that give him away as being a zombie.

"Its hard out there for a walker" says levon as he admires my flat cap. "All those hot chicks think I want to fuck them and not call them again but its their brains I'm interested in not their bodies. "

Some days Levon's condition is so bad that all he can say is "braiiinnnsss" but on most days he is the model employee and manages his condition by picking off the odd stray straggler stretching a normal sized adult brain into two weeks worth of meals. "You have to be quite creative in the kitchen."  

"Don't judge me man, its not my fault its an illness"  yes Levon an illness not covered by yer health insurance, if you were a junkie you'd get more help.


Other people who would rather remain nameless tell about their married life with a zombie. "the house never gets cleaned and she ate the children but I'd just be lost without her blank expression and shuffling about" says John Doe of nowhere toon Florida.

"We got the zombie mouth spreader which stops her from biting me and happily enough it also stops her from talking. Our sex life is only getting better as her body starts to rot, so many new holes to explore."

Obama we need you to becum a hero to this oppressed minority, let them exist in a state of undeadness  but free, not looking over their shoulders in fear of decapitation. As George Clooney once said," I have a dream that my fourteen little illegitimate children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the pallor of their skin but by the amount of celebrities they can get to support their cause."

"Fcuk the people in Africa we need to be doing stem cell research to help us grow brains to feed the people who are sick with the zombie virus. Yes I have the zombie virus and so the need is more urgent than genocide in the Sudan, I've gone through 7 personal assistants and 37 new girlfriends."

Quick ladies its yer last chance to fcuk George Clooney before his cock becums limp and mushy.