Sunday, 21 February 2010

Lemurs Are Here!!!!!!

Is it 2012 yet? Old Knudsen can see the pieces falling into place for the end of the world and the end will have big creepy staring judgmental bug eyes and the ability to look cute to fool those with weak minds. A pack of lemurs can tear a man (a big man) to bits in 2 minutes and all that will be left will be his shit stain on his torn trousers.

Lemurs can also open doors use sewing machines and read minds, they have a breeding colony in the Eastern Pyrenees Mountains and breed hybrid humans from the insane Catalans. They are already among us!

From the BBC:

A man has been released on bail after being arrested in connection with the illegal trading of lemur monkeys.Four lemurs were seized on Friday from a shopping centre carpark in Banbridge, and another from a shop in Ballymena.

They are protected under the UN Convention on the International Trade in Endangered Species.

The five seized animals are a mix of ring tailed and white fronted brown lemurs. Lemurs are native to the island of Madagascar.

The USPCA said rare animals are being sold illegally to purchasers "whose knowledge about their specific requirements is at best nominal, at worst non-existent".

They laughed at Old Knudsen but now the lemurs are being smuggled over the Madagascar border by ruthless illegal alien lemur helpers. If lemurs infiltrate the Ballymena bible/drug belt the future of Northern Ireland will be one of misery and violence ................... I mean worse than it is as lemurs will be calling the shots to the knee caps. No one gives a flying fuck about Banbridge but Ballymena is the centre of the world, that is where the great Ian Paisley fought the evil Liam Neeson thus making him flee never to be heard of again.

Is it a coincidence that Old Knudsen's ancient enemy has turned up in the land he is soon to go to? You'd be a fool if you thought it was. Old Knudsen can smell a trap, of course it smells like piss or is that me?


Reggie said...

People are forever selling exotic animals. If there wasn't a market for it, it wouldn't happen. Should they sell exotic or endangered animals?!? Probably not. But will they continue to?!? Yeah, until it's just not profitable anymore.

If you're pissy, I can't smell you from here.

Fat Sparrow said...

Fuck me, lemurs in Ballymena?

I had no idea they were so cosmopolitan now.

Do you think they were importing them to drive the tractors?

Old Knudsen said...

Don't let them fool you its the lemurs who are in charge.

Fat Sparrow said...

Well, that's an improvement over the locals, isn't it?

Donnw/2nz said...

This sort of news item saddens my inner child and reinforces my natural fear of reading the news.

I don't know what happened betwixt you and the Lemurs..I suspect something horrible in your developing years...
but since most Lemurs are all in one spot, a swift tactical nuclear strike would go a long way towards resolving your issue.

MJ said...

it smells like piss or is that me?

Do you REALLY have to ask?

BEAST said...

Go kick some lemur Ass Old K , th futur of western civilisation rests upon your shoulders
***Liberally sprays Old Knudsens cap with febreze***

Anonymous said...

Lemurs are great.