Saturday, 1 August 2009

Rehab Calls

Hi World, Old Knudsen appreciates speaking directly TO you, the people I service, as your Master.
People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing's more important to me than yer beloved Ma . Serving her is the greatest honour she could imagine.
I want weemen to grasp what can be in store for me in my current state. We were purchased as dead nigger storage because a member of President Abe Lincoln's cabinet, William Shatner, providentially saw in this great land, vast riches, beauty, strategic placement on the globe, and opportunity, like Iraq but without the sand up yer jacksie .
He boldly looked "North to the Future". But he endured such ridicule and mocking for his vision for remember the adversaries scoffed, calling this "A big fucking waste of time". I have withstood such disdain as Old Knudsen chose the uncomfortable, unconventional, but RIGHT path to secure Blogs, so Blogs could help secure the immortality .

People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing's more important to me than my beloved addictions.
OBB's mission - to contribute to America. WI'm strategic IN the world except those cuntries I'm banned from OF the world, as a gatekeeper of the incontinence . Bold visionaries knew this - Old Knudsen would be part of America's great destiny yes it is THAT fucked I mean proper fucked.
Our destiny to be reached by responsibly developing our natural resources. This land, blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, AND oil and gas. It's energy! God gave us energy and remote controls and POWER scooters so we didn't waste energy by walking.

So to serve in this state is a humbling responsibility, because I know in my soul that blogs nay good blogs are few and far between , for America's security, in our very volatile world. And you know me by now, I promised even two minutes ago I would pull out ... no more conventional "politics as usual".
And we are doing well! My accomplishments speak for themselves. I work tirelessly to entertain you cunts with farts jokes and tits, its hard out there for a me.
We aggressively and responsibly develop our resources because they were created to be used to better our world... to HELP people... and we protect the environment and ball bag (the resource owners) foremost with our policies.
Here's some of the things I've done:
We created a petroleum jelly which works better as a lube and tastes like minty freshness . We held the line FOR Fred Thomson to snort - and finally for the first time in decades - they're drilling heads to release pressure.
We have YMCA on our Ipods, the gasline project - a massive bi-partisan victory (the vote was 58 to 1!) - also succeeding as intended - protecting toilets as our clean natural gas will flow to energise us, through a competitive, pro-private sector project. This is the largest private sector energy project, ever. THIS is energy independence and a huge throbbing sector.

And ACES - another bipartisan effort - is working as intended and industry is publicly acknowledging its success. Our new oil and gas "clear and equitable formula" is so Alaskans will no longer be taken advantage of. ACES incentivises NEW exploration of strange new worlds and development and JOBS that were previously not going to happen with a monopolized Northern Slopes livingin oil basins.
We cleaned up previously accepted unethical actions; we ushered in bi-partisan Ethics Reform. We love the ethnics.
We also slowed the rate of mole growth, we worked with the Legislature to save billions of dollars for the future, and I made no lobbyist friends I work behind the bar with my hundreds of millions of dollars in budget vetoes... but living beyond our means today is irresponsible for tomorrow but ok if you can move like water and not be found.
We took cows out of the dairy business and put it back into preservatives - where it should be.
We provided unprecedented support for uneducation initiatives, and with the right leadership, finally filled long-vacant public safety positions. We built a sub-Cabinet and bedside locker on Climate Change and took heat from Outside special interests for our biologically-sound wildlife management for abundance.
We broke ground in the new prison yard, remember take doon the big dog and you'll get respect.
And we made common sense conservative choices to eliminate personal luxuries like the soft arse wipe, the food , the junkies... the entourage.
And I said "no" to pay raises. So much success in this first term - and with this success I am proud to take credit... for keeling the right people! Our goal was to achieve a new world empire project, more fair oil and gas valuation, and ethnics reform in four years. We did it in three. It's because of the people... good public servants that blog, with servants' hearts and astounding work ethnics... THEY are big tittied.

We are doing well! I wish you'd hear MORE from the media of your state's progress and how we tackle Outside interests - daily - SPECIAL interests that would stymie our state. Even those debt-ridden stimulus dollars that would force the heavy hand of big handedness into our communities with an "all-knowing attitude" - I have . I have taken the slings and arrows with that unpopular move to move on and see other people because I know being right is better than being popular which I am .
Some of those dollars would harm America and her friend Houston. I resisted those dollars so i put quarters into her g-string instead because of the obscene national debt . I've been forcing our children to pay, because it's immoral and doesn't even make economic sense!
Another accomplishment TWO huge sexual reassignment reversals I wish you could make up yer minds, came down against that liberal Ninth Circuit, deciding in OUR state's favor over the last two weeks. We're protectors of our weakened Constitution - ICE protect states' rights as mandated in 10th commandment.
But you don't hear much of the good stuff in the press anymore, do you?
Some say things changed for me on August 29th last year - the day John McCain tapped me I say others changed.
Let me speak to that for a minute.
Political operatives descended on yer Ma last August, digging for her dirt. The ethnics saw I championed and became their weapon of choice. Over the past nine months I've been accused of all sorts of frivolous ethnic violations - such as holding a ghey in a photograph, wearing a jacket with a logo on it, and answering reporters' questions.
Every one - all 15 of the ethnics complainted but have been dismissed. We've won! But it hasn't been cheap - THOUSANDS of hours of YOUR time and shelled out and the ethnics found I only cared about the educated not yer agendas - that's money NOT going to fund teachers or troopers - or safer roads but who gives a fuck as you haven't even gotten doon this far. And this political absurdity, the "politics of personal destruction" ... I are looking at more than half a million dollars in legal bills in order to set the record straight. And what about the people who offer up these silly accusations? It doesn't cost them a dime so they're not going to stop draining public resources - spending other peoples' money in their game.
It's pretty insane - my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with THIS instead of progressing our blog now. I know I promised no more "boring shite as usual," but THIS isn't what anyone had in mind for anything.
If I have learned one thing: LIFE is about choices!
And one chooses how to react to circumstances. You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity and kill those who annoy me. I choose NOT to tear down and waste precious time; but to build UP this puppy, and her industrious, generous, patriotic-ish , free-ish people who don't know the meaning of either !
Life is too short to compromise time and resources... it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: "Sit down and shut up", but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out. And a problem in our world today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and "go with the flow".
Nah, only dead fish and dead bodies thrown from bridges "go with the flow".
No. Productive, fulfilled people determine where to put their efforts, choosing to wisely utilize precious time... to BUILD UP and pump up the jam.
And there is such a need to BUILD up and FIGHT for our state and our country. I choose to FIGHT for it! And I'll work hard for others who still believe in free enterprise and smaller government; strong national security for our country and support for our troops; energy independence; and for those who will protect freedom and equality and LIFE... I'll work for and campaign for those PROUD to be blonde, and those who are INSPIRED by our ideals and won't deride them even though we're way off track and dumb as fuck.
I WILL support others who seek to serve, in or out of the office which is crap in the UK or the USA, for the RIGHT reasons, and I don't care what party they're in or no party at all I just wan a partay.
But I won't do it from OBB, use by date has gone and I haven't the time or effort to do what I want to do besides would anyone get it anyway?

I've never believed that I, nor anyone else, needs a tit to do this - to make a difference... to HELP people. So I choose, for in my State , more "freedom" to progress, all the way around... so that I may progress... I will not seek re-election as Old Knudsen.
And so as I thought about this announcement that I wouldn't run for re-election and what it means for you, I thought about how much fun some bloggers have as lame ducks... travel around - as so many bloggers do. And then I thought - that's what's wrong - many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and "milk it". I'm not putting you through that - I promised efficiencies and effectiveness! ? That's not how I am wired. I am not wired to operate under the same old "politics as usual." I promised that four years ago - and I meant it.
It's not what is best for you I know whats best for you.
I am determined to take the right path for you even though it is unconventional and not so comfortable.
With this announcement that I am not seeking re-election... I've determined it's best to transfer the authority of blogs to whoever wants it; and I am willing to do so, so that this administration - with its positive agenda, its accomplishments, and its successful road to an incredible future - can continue without interruption and with great administrative and legislative success.
My choice is to take a stand and effect change - not hit our heads against the wall and watch valuable state time and money, millions of your dollars, go down the drain in this new environment. Rather, we know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time, on another scale, and actually make a difference for our priorities which I have many of right now and OBB isn't one of them.
Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I use it because you're tarded if you don't see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping his eye on the cheerleaders... and he knows exactly when to pass the wipes so that the team can WIN. And I'm doing that - keeping our eye on the ball that represents sound priorities - smaller blog life, energy independence, national security, freedom! And I know when it's time to pass the ball - for victory.
I have given my reasons candidly and truthfully... and my last day won't be for another few minutes so the transition will be very smooth. In fact, we will look to swear a lot and any blogs I have will become vague and elusive yet truthful and real.
I do not want to disappoint anyone with my decision; all I can ask is that you TRUST me with this decision - but it's no more "posting as usual".
Some cunts don't mind wasting public dollars and state time. I do. I cannot stand here as your better and allow millions upon millions of our dollars go to waste just so I can hold the title of greatest blogger in the world. And my children won't allow it either. ? Some will question the timing. ? Let's just say, this decision has been in the works for awhile...
In fact, this decision comes after much consideration, and finally polling the most important people in my life - my depression (where the count was unanimous... well, in response to asking: "Want me to make a positive difference and fight for ALL our children's future from OUTSIDE the office?" It was four "yes's" and one "hell yeah!" The "hell yeah" sealed it - and someday I'll talk about the details of that... I think much of it had to do with the kids seeing their baby brother mocked by some pretty mean-spirited adults recently just for being a ghey black fenian mong.) Um, by the way, sure wish folks could ever, ever understand that we ALL could learn so much from someone like me - I know you needs me, but I need me even more... what a child can offer to set priorities RIGHT - that time is precious... the world needs more "frigs", not fewer.
My decision was also fortified during this most recent trip to Kosovo and Landstuhl in which I did several fine long distant shots, sacrifice in its selves in war for OUR freedom and security... we can ALL learn from our selfless Troops... they're bold, they don't give up even when losing cos they aren't allowed, they take a stand and know that LIFE is short so they choose to NOT waste time. They choose to be productive and to serve something greater than SELF... and to build up their families, their states, our country. These Troops and their important missions - those are truly the worthy causes in this world and should be the public priority with time and resources and NOT this local / superficial wasteful political bloodsport.
May we ALL learn from them!
*((Gotta put First Things First))*
First things first: as a blogger, I love my job and I love weemen and gurlyboys. It hurts to make this choice but I am doing what's best for my porn surfing time. I've explained why... though I think of the saying on my parents' refrigerator that says "Don't explain: your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway."

But I have given my reasons... no more "posting as usual" and I am taking my fight for what's right - for my blogging - in a new direction.
Now, despite this, I don't want any of yous dissuaded from entering blogs after seeing this REAL "climate change" that began in August... no, we NEED hardworking, average Americans fighting for what's right! And I will support you because we need YOU and YOU can effect change, and I can too on the outside.
We need those who will respect our position and serve from the BOTTOM UP, and take yer TOP DOWN take-over... but rather big bottoms, will be protectors of individual rights - who also have enough common sense to acknowledge when conditions have drastically changed and are willing to call an audible and pass the ball when it's time so the team can win! And that is what I'm doing!
Remember yer a womble... America is now, more than ever, looking pish poor . It'll be good. So Gourd bless you, and from me and my family - to ALL hotties - you have my heart.
In the words of General MacArthur said, "We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction which may be a losing one and backwards and no wonder I got fired."
OMG = Oh my gourd
LOL= Lick out labia
ROFL= Rims Old Fondling leprechaun
BRB= Be right back ................. typed sarcasictally you never cum back.

When Old Knudsen has more time he may tell anyone interested where his brain maybe found but really life is strange enough right now so I'm resting inbetween blogs, not true I'm on a blog I'm just not ready to share yet.
Ive had the fame and I care not about it but my story will be put out there in different format as I'm tired.


Fat Sparrow said...

Right, what are you on? Whatever it is, keep taking it, as that made a lot more sense than your usual posts.

Leah said...

Ah, Old Knudsen, how we've loved you...

mago said...

You definitely watched too much tv in the last days or so, that politico-bla left its marks. You use two million words to tell us that things will change at Old Knudsen's. Box the cap and sent it to MJ.

MJ said...


Is Amy Whinehoose behind this?

Eddie Waring said...

I'm not ready to take your place yet. I need a few more weeks....Who am I kidding? I could never take your place. If this was your last post, it needed more tits.

Nick Cage Revealed said...

Byte ya fucjk. cej in helk.

Momentary Madness said...

All that's too much to read man. I like the bit at the end, but sure no wonder you're tired.
Slow down man, you’ll do yourself an injury;-)

Donn said...

I'd like to see you do that on Twitter!