Old Bitter Balls

Sex On A Stick

2012-01-24T01:40:00.000-08:00

Lisa Woodman was "shocked and humiliated" to be turned away and given a life ban from three clubs in Worcester in the West Midlands, Engerland of course, the land where men don't like weemen.

Mode, Tramps and Velvet are the clubs in case you want to boycott them in support.

One doorman told her she was "too old" to wear revealing outfits although she is only 28.......... she looks 27 if you ask Old Knudsen.

The poor lass split from her partner last year leaving her with four screaming brats (is she a 4X4?) a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle and no regular cock to call her own so she got a boob job and went to the gym ................. no not a plastic surgeon for her face or a therapist for her low self esteem but still, there is only so much you can get on the NHS.

Then she hit the clubs in her fuck me now I'm easy clothes and got no satisfaction.

She has complained to the company that owns the clubs but they don't care and she is miffed that gurls in their early 20's wear sluttier clothing and get in.

I think the clubs would say something like, "just because you CAN wear the clothes doesn't mean you should".

Old Knudsen is disgusted! yes add OMG and WTF? to that. Why are sexy hot weemen not allowed into clubs? Old Knudsen would do a long weekend on this lass. Sure paper bags would be used but still.

So It Is

2012-01-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

Old Knudsen used to know this bloke who was the dullest shite ever. The most annoying thing about him wasn't the flat tone in which he spoke or the fact that he spoke really slowly or his forced little ha ha ha laugh. The most annoying thing was that he finished every thing he said with a useless phrase at the end. When Old Knudsen couldn't avoid him I'd hear him out and then I'd wait for his useless phrase, for example: "I almost forgot my keys today ha ha ha ................................................... so I did" or "I'm really tired today ha ha ha ............................ so I am". Old Knudsen would wait for it and the more Old Knudsen got annoyed the compulsion to use the same idiotic phrases would pop up in his own head .... so it would.

Lots of people in the northern part of Ireland say this, yes the island is filled with morons. Why the fcuk must you add unimportant shite to the unimportant shite you've just said? Its it to not just make yer point but to really make it?

Bird Flu Away

2012-01-20T16:39:00.000-08:00

Scientists who created a more deadly strain of bird flu have temporarily stopped their research amid fears it could be used by bio-terrorists.

Old Knudsen was reading this story on the line about how US scientists developed a more deadly strain of bird flu .......... poor wee birdies as if they don't sneeze enough.

Experts are ascared a mutant form of the virus could spark a pandemic worse than the 1918-1919 Spanish flu outbreak that killed 40 million people. How did this idea cum about?

So yer a Yank scientist, yer Star Trek alarm clock goes off and you lie there in bed about to start a new day. "what will I do today?" you ask yerself glancing over to yer poster of Hayden Pantyline with yer hand reaching lower to yer morning phwoarr stick.

Old Knudsen would shag her but he wouldn't thank her for it.

"I know, I'll cure cancer, no I'd better start off slowly curing cancer might be a tricky one" thinking away as you slap slap slap yer mother's pride. "I'll cure bird flu, cheerleader bent over oh the firm tanned buttocks and wobbling titties .......... Jaj yIra" you moan in klingon. At least you can pee now and expect the majority of it to hit the bog.

"Better yet" you think as you wipe off yer issue using a nearby sock, "I'll make the H5N1 flu virus even more deadly".

What the fcuk? bird flu is deadly to humans but it cannot be passed from human to human ..... why would you make it so that it could be? Also how do you get paid to cum up with this shit?

Old Knudsen isn't very concerned that some raghead terrorist will get his hands on a cup full of new improved bird flu because...

If you start any trouble Abdul , Marky Mark will fcuk you up!

Really people wise up and use yer smarts for smart things. Old Knudsen nearly died of man flu around Christmas time so why don't you cure that? whats that? oh curing things isn't cool or edgy enough we gotta soup it up. Guard dogs are alright but wouldn't they be fcuking awesome with laser beam eyes and steel claws?

Sharks with human arms grafted on so they can pull you by the leg off yer boat......... I see a screen play for a Syfy channel movie formulating in Old Knudsen's head............'Armed to the teeth' starring Stephen Baldwin.

In this crazy world its hard not to have the mantra WTF?

Insurgent Big Cats

2012-01-09T02:18:00.000-08:00

Things you don't except to read about in the Belfast Telegraph. A Leopard attack in Eastern India. Is this the first wave of a Lemur world invasion? I wouldn't put it past the wee bug eyed fcukers.

Will Old Knudsen have to defend the world again like he did when the Silver Surfer tried to feed our world to Galacticus ?
Ya know I just can't be aresd right now maybe a lemur invasion will jump start the economy unlike the various middle east wars that do nothing but drain our resources.We need to pick our fights a lot better............ Hey Iran stop it with the crazy eyes or I'll knock you out! guess who wants to be the new North Korea. Just throw some aid at them to shut them up.

A Movie To Get Yer Teeth Into

2012-01-07T13:29:00.000-08:00

Since Old Knudsen missed out on the Queen's new years honours list yet again he is in need of validation so he is going to win an Oscar instead.

Touch wood productions is a small film company with big ideas. A re-working of a little known vamp romp called Twilight. When my agent brought me this I thought it was going to be an action/porn movie set in a rest home with the tag line, "In God's waiting room only the brave jump the queue".

So off to Vancouver which is in America ..... north America.

For some reason weemen get the horn when they see a man climbing a tree.

The story starts with some vampire named Edward disappearing up his own arse My character Gorse Burns finds Edward's middle school sweet heart 'Stella' (its a re-working so changes had to be made) who is obsessed with old geezer cock and there is this really cool scene with her cutting herself in a fit of self pity and Gorse uses that for some 'take advantage sex' real edgy stuff.

Then Caleb a werewolf cums in and says, "mind if I join in?"

Some of my best acting to date, you should go and see it at least twice. The others in the flick are shite but what can you do?

Well Bred And Undead

2012-01-04T07:24:00.000-08:00

Old Knudsen is expecting the peelers to knock doon his door any moment ........... yes he is always expecting that but really this time.

It was only yesterday that he made a comment elsewhere on the Interweb stating what he has known for years.

Earlier in the week a body was found on the Queen's Sandringham Estate so Old Knudsen said it was a young runaway that the royals had been feeding off in order to live forever. Like duh! it wouldn't be the first time and since Prince Philip died in hospital recently ya need a body to bring him back but ya all know that.

I mean who would survive over a Christmas weekend in an NHS hospital having heart surgery?

Well the news has caught up and now the media is trying to figure out which young runaway has been found. Old Knudsen says keep looking he also says that the Queen's henchmen are sure getting slack, I blame the recession.

For The Love Of Art

2012-01-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

Start the year the way you mean to continue. Old Knudsen will be mostly appreciating the beautiful things in life like art.

Better art than in!

Alien Bases On The Moon

2011-12-28T11:33:00.000-08:00

We're waiting for it to air out. Knudsen thought it was a porta potty again.

Paul Davies and Robert Wagner of Arizona State University are lazy over educated shites! They can't be arsed so they want people to volunteer and go through the NASA pics from the Luna reconnaissance orbiter (LRO) and look fer alien life signs left on the moon.

Never mind that, NASA sends all pics with anything of interest on them straight to the NSA who then sends them to the NA.

If you all remember, the moon landing was on the 11th July 1969 well the one you civvies remember was on the 20th. Old Knudsen has nothing to fear telling you this as he is in the UK, what is the US going to do? snatch and grab him in the middle of the night and take him to a secret torture base? heh heh heh ....... what was that noise? nope just me, better out than in I say.

Coverage of the moon landing was interrupted for a couple of minutes saying that one of their cameras had over heated. Radio hams listening in still heard the banter to the astronauts. Armstrong: "fcuk lad there are other space craft up here" Aldrin: "Aye what he said" ............. Old Knudsen is paraphrasing.

Armstrong: "we must tell the world!" Aldrin " fcuk yeah like dude" NASA: "negative yous say nothing or we'll cut yer family" NASA marketing: "thats affirmative we must send in the Stormbringer to see if we can make money from this, I'm thinking action figures or maybe an X-box game ......... whatever that is".

The space ships flew off when the pair started to play golf ...............so fcuking boring, but they got some lovely film of them, not that you'll ever see it.

Putting a post hypnotic suggestion of alien artifacts out there means that some cunt will see a face on the moon, lets hope its the right face and no looking at me dark backside.

Apart from huge transforming robots there is noting of interest on the moon so don't bother looking.

Ok I tried. There are the space amazons whose only wish is to collect man jizz and lots of it with seduction and rhythmic slapping of their firm shapely body parts.

Those poor unfortunate bastards from Apollo 11-a which as you don't know was the other moon landing at that time.

The thing is that they know we are here and if we go poking about mankind will cum to a sticky end. Old Knudsen with the help of the English who don't really like weemen and the Americans who if they can't make money out of hot chicks then they don't want to know have kept the amazon bases a secret for yer own good.
We even created Amazon.com to flood the search engines. Old Knudsen has bravely volunteered for moon missions to destroy amazon space ships and yes he has been caught all 8 times and trust me laddies you young guns cannae handle what they have. Also shagging Old Knudsen's off- spring is forbidden.

No matter how hot they are.

RIP Prince Philip

2011-12-25T16:33:00.000-08:00

Prince Philip the Queen's stud died in Papworth hospital, Cambridgeshire, after a heart operation to fit a coronary stent, he was 90 years old . The prince's heart was too black and hardened. It is thought that he died around the same time as the Queen's pre-recorded speech about building family ties aired on the telly. A similar speech that had been given by Queen Victoria in 1914.

If only the Prince could have afforded private health care instead of wasting NHS resources.

Philip has always been health conscious giving free advice to those he met through the years. To a British student in China, 1986, “If you stay here much longer, you’ll go home with slitty eyes.”

In 1998 he said to a 13 year-old boy Andrew Adams, 13, “You could do with losing a little bit of weight.”

That was when he was promoting awareness for teenage suicide.

Always keeping up to date with medical science. To Susan Edwards and her guide dog in 2002: “They have eating dogs for the anorexic now.”

The Queen was holding up well until she heard the news that there is going to be a Fast and the Furious #7, that sent her over the edge of grief.

We'll miss you sir, if only the UK had more mouthy gob-shites like you and yer wife (Gog bless her) living off Government hand-outs and getting everything paid for.

Over By Christmas

2011-12-21T01:40:00.000-08:00

The American system is very free yet quite confusing. It seems you can impeach yer president by merely honking yer horn.

US President Barry Obama is to be impeached! A book makers in Nevada has reported that he made the bet that the war against Iraq will be over by Christmas, just before he started to pull US troops out.

Cameron Is No Kim Jong il

2011-12-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

To show what a useless stupid cunt David Cameron is: Kim Jong il dies and he flies to Afghanistan WTF? that war like the war against Iraq will be over by Christmas stop fcuking about Cameron and go show respect for a real world leader who doesn't wave a veto at the frogs and krauts but waved his Taepodong at the world! ......... Kim Jong il 404 not found!

Tribute To The Dear Leader

2011-12-20T07:58:00.000-08:00

Number 2 in the series of 50 days of mourning from Old Knudsen for our beloved general Kim Jong il. Only a genius would name his missiles 'Taepodong'.

Now our leader is drinking Jesus Juice with Micheal Jackson in weirdo heaven. As Jacko used to say, "bottoms up".

The Greatest Lawn Nazi Dies

2011-12-19T11:23:00.000-08:00

Kim Jong il or Dear leader as Old Knudsen likes to call him has been murdered!

No not by Old Knudsen as we were total BFFs. The culprit of this heinous act that took Our father at the oh so young age of 69 was South Korea!

South Korea may be a cuntry full of dog eating hot chicks.

But it is EVIL!

Only recently the South tipped Kim over the edge by using psychological warfare, they put Christmas lights on a tower near the border which could be seen all the way from beautiful Kim's villa. Everyone knows that Kim hates Christmas and he likes a nice tidy border.

Just the latest in shite that the south has pulled. In 2010 the South Korean navy rammed a North Korean torpedo with its warship and then blamed Our Dear Father of sinking the ship. The South also put islands where Kim liked to fire his artillery shells and made him look bad when people died . Earlier this year they also had an old couch lying on their side of the border and did not keep their hedges trimmed.

Kim Jong il from a scene in Fight Club

Kim Jong or the Jongster as Old Knudsen used to call him .................. used to call him, I think I may cry, well he was a fine patron of the arts sometimes kidnapping directors to make his movies and creating beautiful songs such as 'No Motherland Without You' which was sung by Bono of U2 fame on the soundtrack of 'Free Willy 6 The Pirates Booty'.

With his strong courage and will,
Socialism he proudly defends.
He brings all across the world
Our nation's honor and pride.

I'm sure you've all heard it or will when Justin Bieber does his cover of it for the New Year. Now that lad has talent, Bono could learn from him.

They hung Saddam, shot Gaddafi, got Idi Amin with a poisoned milk shake and now they caused sweet Kim Jong il's heart to burst by the pressure of Christmas as they knew he had not yet sent his cards.
He may have seemed like an odd bloke to some and all they go on about is blah blah blah executions and human rights violations whatever those are but Old Knudsen loved him, that crazy wee fcuker in his ma's high heels and 70's jump suit ach what Old Knudsen would give for one more fart competition during one of Kim's famous sleep-overs.

Old Knudsen will just assume that he speaks for the rest of the world when he says, "We'll miss you our general and if killing 1000 political prisoners would bring you back we would in a second".

Upright Postion

2011-12-15T15:24:00.000-08:00

Old Knudsen has been an upholder of chivalry all his life, protecting the weak which is pretty much all of yous, standing up for truth even though it may not be wanted or is not an easy or popular choice, holding doors open for weemen ............... even though many weemen walk through and give Old Knudsen a sneer as if he had just insulted all of weemen kind but fcuk ye cos I'd open it for anyone cos I've got fcuking manners.................. except for blind people as I do laugh as they bounce off a door they think is open, ach ya can take being old fashioned too far and I'm sure the blind folk see the funny side, well not see it but I'm sure they can feel or smell it or something.

Old Knudsen defends minorities too and that includes Chicks with dicks. God made them so I'm no gonna argue with the big lad as he has a right nasty side.

Its good to see Gurlyboys doing well. PC air which is an airline operating out of Bankok's Suvarnabhumi airport hired 4 transsexual flight attendants.

Has the world gone PC? lets hope so. Just think a flight attendant that can offer you the 'full' range and no just tae, coffee and a continental breakfast ................ does anyone actually like those things? now ya can get tae, coffee and a firm throbbing cock attached to a hot woman.

Some blokes may not find that very appealing ............... thats cos yer ghey, you'd have to be to not like this.

Chicks with dicks hardly ever get pregnant and are spared the curse of period pain because it was not them who tempted Adam with yon forbidden apple in the garden of Eden and they are also quite strong....... don't forget the being hot part which makes them a perfect employee.

Ya don't have to be psychic to see that a lot of air travel is in Old Knudsen's future.

Here Cums Santy

2011-12-11T08:07:00.000-08:00

So anyhoo I was just talking to my mate Yuri who is an agent in yon FSB, as you can imagine hes busy in Moscow with all the protests and thing well he took a break from picking out volunteers to work on the Trans- Siberian railway to tell me what he is getting his wife for Christmas.

Lucky missus Yuri is getting an open marriage for Christmas and is having a threesome. What a thoughtful present thought I and the best thing is that its going to be a total surprise for her, those Russians can sure teach us a few things about marriage.

Yuri has his mind set on Gurl gurl boy and maybe boy boy gurl for her birthday. Old Knudsen may very well treat himself this year to some naughty fun but what way to choose?

Boy boy gurl sure looks like fun but seeing another bloke having sex the same time as you and maybe brushing up against him the odd time well seems a bit ghey. Not that there is anything wrong with that but when Old Knudsen makes love to a woman 20 ways from Sunday he does not want to see some hairy guy looking at his willy.

Now gurl gurl boy is like being hungry and shown a table of dishes to choose from, once you start one thing ya see something else you want but yer all full and no longer hungry......... ach well it is for me.

Live is short so why take yer time at sex? once I'm done I say to the ladies "so what do we do now I still have the rest of the hour booked?"

"Do you want to watch us make out?"

Nah the History channel has a show on about Hitler but you two go ahead just as long as ya keep the noise doon.

Ambush!

2011-12-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

The 27 leaders of the Eurozone have walked into an ingenious trap set by Germany as they attended an EU party in Brussels .
David Cameron the Prime minister of Very Great Britain took a head shot at point blank range from an operative of German special forces the KSK. The German chancellor Angela Merkel was seen to punch the air in triumph as Germany a two time loser of world wars hopes to some day become less of a loser by winning a war..... any war.

The last two world wars started during a time of global recession with extremely high gold prices and a strong Germany so why would this time be any different?

The traditional march into Poland has already begun and time to save money France has volunteered to invade itself.

Deputy prime minister Nick Clegg said moments ago from outside of number 10 Downing Street (he isn't allowed inside) "I told him not to go but every time I say something he does the opposite, why will no one listen to me?" then a police officer moved him on.

US President Barry Obama met with top advisers to discuss the situation.

President Obama made the position of America clear and said that it wasn't their war, maybe in a few more years so not his problem as he'll be doing after dinner speeches and writing his memoirs then. The President did say that he had hope and a pocket full of change.

Michelle Obama is said to be under the influence of a sinister frog named 'Rasputin'.

Don't worry folks Old Knudsen has seen wars cum and wars go. It will all be over for Christmas. Now Old Knudsen just has to figure out who the winner will be. Will Germany get third time lucky? Choosing sides this time will be a little tricky and China will probably cum in at the end and kill us all.

What do you get a China man for Christmas who has everything?

Cock-a-leekie soup anyone?

2011-12-04T14:58:00.000-08:00

Me venture into the world of restauranteering came to an end last week when we lost the head chef. We could still cook other parts but when you have a ton of peeps wanting head well I bet you know what that is like.
Ok ok maybe me catchphrase of, "Who gives a fcuk what it looks like on the plate? it all cums out the same" was a bit long winded which is what you would be if you had eaten there.

Smash The Greenhooses Of Death

2011-12-01T03:19:00.000-08:00

Old Knudsen is pissed off on numerous accounts today. I'm sure yer all keeping up to date with the exciting Durban climate conference to talk about the Kyoto Protocol as set you by the Shadow proclamation. Canada is in violation of article 15 citing that if China doesn't play then they won't either.
Ach its a load of old bitter balls and if you notice Old Knudsen wasn't there probably due to the sausage roll incident of 97. All I can say is that it took 2 nukes before the Japs surrendered which says it all and if they don't want to talk about then its up to people like me to remind them so hold a sausage roll grudge if ya like and if ya noticed I did hold 14 up there like I said though walking with them was difficult.

So anyway me invite must have gotten lost yet again, its tough when you get yer mail through dead drops. Oh and anyone in the Los Alamos area, if ya find a hollowed out rock full of stuff about the secret underground Dulce base please let me know. You'd think they would make those rocks easier to find for fcuks sake I mean they look like fcuking rocks what the fcuk? for legals reasons Old Knudsen is forbidden to say fuck, fucking, fucker, fucked or any other combination using the word fuck in that order or he'd be fucked.

If I was at the meeting I'd take a big pull on me fag (Old Knudsen probably means cigarette but you never know with him) I'd blow me smoke towards Norway as they are smug cnuts at the best of times and I'd say. "I'll rid ye of yer greenhoose gases" I mean if that is their biggest problem then wise the fcuk up.

Now Old Knudsen doesn't like to incite folks to riot ......... he doesn't like it but he'll do it if he is bored. I'll tell Kyoto and his bug eyed monkey to bomb Holland as they have thousands of fcuking greenhooses. Like duh!

Do we really need Holland anyway?

Then take it to the streets and brick any greenhoose you see. Its no about riots its about the planet!

I suppose it will be another brilliant yet obvious idea of mine that gets ignored just like the giant ice cube making machines at the mouths of rivers to cool the sea and the planet doon.

How stupid do they think people are? Its a retorical question as people are as thick as pig's shit and anyone in the media knows this.

Ever hear of the city of Londonderry, Derry or as I like to call it "Rape toon Norn Iron"? It won the title of "City of culture" a while back and you know what? when I think about Londonderry the first thing that cums to mind is not culture, its "Why the fcuk would I go there?" If Old Knudsen wanted to be raped he'd go to Zimbabwe as there are gangs of weemen raping men to use their sperm in magic rites ...... how gey do ya have to be to go to the police and complain about weemen wanting yer sperm? any port in a storm says I and don't be so picky who the fcuk are you the Queen of England?

Well Glasgow or "stab city" as it may be known has won the title as the safest city in the UK, this was by the Mercer quality of living survey who probably was too ascared to go to the rough areas to ask people like slasher McGee how safe does he think his victims are.

Baghdad came last by the way just after Bangui in the Central African Republic which s a lovely place. I wonder if they only did a survey on soldiers serving in Iraq or just those living in shelled out ruins after a drone destroyed their party..... that questionnaire must have been awkward. "I know you just buried yer bride but how safe on a 1 - 10 scale do you feel personally?"

Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Ottawa did well all getting ranked the same at a high but very boring and polite level........... god I just got sooo bored reading those names.

Ach who cares about the rest? I wanna see Detroit win the 'Shopping capital of the US' or 'Top city of industry' awards to try to trick people into going there like they are trying with Derry and Glasgow.

Holy Shit!

2011-11-11T15:45:00.000-08:00

The world was supposed to end in 1843,1844,1874, 1878, 1881, 1910, 1914, 1918, 1925, 1975, 1984,1988,1989,1992, 1993,1994,1996,1997,1999, 2000,2001,2004, 2007,2008 and twice in 2011. Old Knudsen doesn't remembering it happening during any of those years. Tokyo, New York, San Francisco, LA and Bombay did not fall into the seas in the 1980's nor did the serpent god of peace appear unless that was some kind of metaphor for Oprah Winfrey .

What about yon Ice age we were promised? What about the earth's axis tilting 30 degrees and getting saved by aliens from the fourth dimension? Sure ya might have believed it was gonna end in the year 2000 because if you take 2000 and divide it by the number of nipples that Jesus had (3) you'll get the Devil's number 666.66666. Go on phone it then, you'll see that he is actually quite a decent bloke if not misunderstood though do not buy any land off him even if he says you can get an aristocratic title by doing so.

We aren't stupid ya know, well ok you are a little bit but you hide it well by frowning a lot and looking thoughtful. The world is going to end in 2012 because the Mayans couldn't be arsed counting any more after 5, 125 year cycles.
Well that is what we are told which I'm sure would surprise the fcuk out of the Mayans.

"Oh shit its the end of the world dude, here cums Mel Gibson."

Well it might just end next year and ya know who you can blame? yep the fcuking Egyptians of course. A Polish numerological group called Dar Swiatowida wanted to do a ceremony around the pyramids of Giza to protect the world from destructive cosmic forces . It had to be done on the 11th November 2011 because 11/11/11 is a funny looking date and remember its all about the numbers, go phone the Devil about the details if ya don't believe me.

Now Old Knudsen does not care if they want to do the hokey fcuking cokey while the head priest 69's his dog as long as they all wear their poppies and show some fcuking respect!

Why does this picture remind me of the Full Monty? Ach sour wankers in grey suits that have only served the Queen by making speeches and bad decisions. Why can't they let people who have actually served or are serving in the armed forces lay the wreaths instead of civvies?

No offense to those civvies whose opinions of appeasement have been paid for in the blood of those more brave than they will ever be.

So anyway this lot of Polish weirdos as I shall refer to them are wanting to do this "ceremony of love" but then some serious minded Egyptians start believing all sorts of rumours such as its a Jewish trick to claim that the pyramids were built by the Jews and that 1200 angry Jews were going to turn up and plant a star of David on top or worse still the Masons would turn up and do those secret hand shakes. I don't know why modern day Egyptians would care since its not like they are descendants of the ancient Egyptians.

In the end the pyramids got closed for the day by the Supreme council of antiquities who said it was for maintenance reasons.

Maybe someone looked up and said, "Fcuk they look bad we should close them immediately and give them a touch of much needed paint".

Will the world end next year? The History channel seems to think so. How many of us have been stocking up on the tins of beans and cans of lager and planning an early retirement ? yon wee fcukers who have been bleedin you dry all those years won't be needing that college money so blow it on some guns or a herb garden ach I don't know.

Old Knudsen has trouble believing most hype that goes on to be made into movies however if ya do cum near my bunker at the end of my garden I will cut ya.

Occupy My Arse!

2011-10-22T04:57:00.000-07:00

Old Knudsen has had enough of this shite! It was bad enough that yon Guy Fawkes bloke was in that magazine Old Knudsen would buy in the 80's. Old Knudsen would flick past that boring shite so he could read about Marvelman and bounty huntin cyborgs .......... like ya do. Then that movie came out "V for Vagisil "and that was as interesting as a blog.

The Guy Fawkes mask protest started out in America of course. Ya know the way Americans are all for freedom of speech and religion? no seriously they are ........ well when it suits them. It was a protest against Scientology.
Poor Tommy Cruise, ya can save the world from aliens by coughing over them but if ya take the NHS approach to anti-depressants (just snap out of it) you'll get condemned.

I guess then Anonymous thought it was a good idea to use these masks that represent a 17th century terrorist who behaved much like the modern day IRA to get the point across that they are sick of rich people and demand that the government pays off their credit card bills and mortgage oh and one of them Prius'would be fcukin awesome! other things like government cuts/spending might be important too.

These were the niave fools who thought that Obama would actually do something when elected as preez but have now fallen out of love with the one term wonder. The system is bigger than him ya idiots!

Oh and "live long and prosper"

A failing that these art students, college professors and the other difficult to employ people should understand is who is making money out of this?
You buy yer mask from anywhere from $5.00 to $70.00 cos you have to look the part right? and yer anti-corporation money goes to Warner Bros.

Yep money that could have gone towards yer personal grooming or some more memory fer yer laptop has gone to the Jews who run the movie business and invest in Wall street to fund their war against the ragheads in Israel. Natalie Portmnan (Jewish) is laughing at yous! a movie that should have died in the land of the Razzie is making money it should not be making.

Not that Old Knudsen is anti-hooked nosed money lender even if they did kill Christ oh no! I'd totally demolish Portman's backdoor.

Ever wonder who the anonymous puppet master is?

IRA supporting wanker!

Quit the movie quotes and start blowing people the fcuk up like the soldier of fortune Guy Fawkes tried to do, like WikiLeaks complained that the army was doing ........... in a war. Nothing about those masks suggest peaceful protest. Lets lay our cards on the table and go for revolution, yeah ya talk a good revolution but this time it isn't the Brits in charge. When Yanks think they have a chance of losing their billions to the poor then shoots will be taken.

Now lets put a stop to this sort of thing!

Old Knudsen is the 110% cos he is fcukin gleaming! terms and conditions may apply.

R.I.P. Daffy

2011-10-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

My handlers never tell me what the next job is or what side Old Knudsen is on. It gets a little confusing because one minute yer eating sausage rolls with Col Gaddafi at some BP function and the next yer teaching National Transitional Council Fighters how to shoot straight and kill said Colonel.

SandSavages don't have it in their DNA to shoot straight just like a fly cannae understand a pane of glass, so ya have yer werk cut out for ya.

Times being tough I was doing a wee under the table job for Muammar as he was running out of friends : Old Knudsen is not a friend to any living or dead dictator he just likes money and fawning ego strokers terms and conditions may apply.

It was a hot day and the gravy pouring out of me so I said, "Mumraa me mucker, you go doon to the Mini Mart and get yerself some cream for yer Jheri curl as yer losing yer bounce oh and pick me up some ciggies with Abdoul or whoever that one is cos I'm going on me break".

Gaddafi shrugged and headed out into the harsh sun that glinted off his tacky golden pistol that me would give me in payment for keeping him safe and killing loads of rebels.

I'd killed 5 or 20 rebels already so I was feeling like I needed a break and a dump before the toilets started to back up thanks to the NATO bombings.

So I was sitting on the bog eating my cheese and Branston pickle sandwich, a wise precaution as cheese just goes right through me.
The Colonel took off with his convoy of Abdouls and Ahmeds, ach baby sitting can get sooo tiring how much trouble can they get into at yon Mini Mart? then I heard the sound of NATO up to their old tricks bombing the fcuk out of something followed by a smattering of gunfire ............ the penny dropped. No really somehow I'd swallowed a penny ach the odd things you find in yer shite.

My ultra keen senses were screaming at me "AMBUSH!" but I'm no taking a bullet for nae cunt during my break.

For fcuks sake some Amish twat got me gun. Ah well its off to the job centre again.

You Can Wipe It But You'll Still Get Skids

2011-10-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

"No really Angie invest in Grease" I meant the musical not the bloody cunty!

So like I wus sayin. The hills the glens, the heather, the gorse, the cool clear rivers of my home land ... well fcuk that after 10 minutes of walking in the phishing rain ya start ta think that maybe the dust and harsh dry heat of Southern Callyfornia wasn't so bad.

Groups of angry teens roamin the streets causing trouble, weemen with more black eyes than a spud and oh when did ma people git soo stupid? No wander I keep leavin the people here doony get my jokes!
Old Knudsen will admit when he is wrong .......... though he is never wrong but yon Yank Republicans may of had a point sayin that the NHS is a um whats the word? deathtrap? or is that two words? ach who cares? you get 10 minutes with a doctor and they try to get you out in under 5.

Old Knudsen was suffering with a bit o Rigamortis of the penis, I swear that thing has a life of its own as well as its own post/zip code ............ my wee joke but hey it is huge!

The Doctor took one look at my lad and congratulated me and shook my hand. I then told him how I was feeling a little depressed as well possibly affected by the depressing over cast weather. He perked up and said, "snap out of it and if you still feel like this in 2 weeks then make another appointment and I'll give you a referral to someone that cares, oh that make take 6 - 100 weeks to go through now move it along".
The referral thing is a standard response so I've noticed hey yer lucky if the hospital has an x-ray machine never mind an MRI machine. Its punishment for not living near one of the nation's more important and richer cities in the south of England.

So Old Knudsen was fed up............. he asked for a mission and for his sins he was given one.

For yer safety Old Knudsen cannot tell you much about what he has been doing while he wasn't blogging but he will give you a few hints .

Arab Spring is no a bottle of water that Brad and Angie swig from on the way to the gym.
Osama did not kill himself ya know.
Beyonce said she was on the pill.

Aye its been a funny old time and fcuk me raw the Interweb is boring as shite when Old Knudsen isn't on it.
Don't expect this to be a regular thing, Old Knudsen is a force of nature. I just happened to glance at me shite meter for the first time in a year and saw I still get over 100 stalkers a day, what the fcuk? its seems that many hunger for the Knudsen poison. He is the herpes of the blogosphere.

Actual Dangerous Zombies

2010-11-09T14:09:00.001-08:00

If you go to a city and then to the outskirts, not even to the more rural banjo bible thumping regions you'll see that the people in both places are different. City folk are more pushy and nothing will phase them, "They were kicking the poor man to death and I just thought why doesn't someone stop this ? if I don't get past I'll miss my bus." The townie types would open up a few cans of beer and watch.

The folks in other cuntries are different too. Old Knudsen having a PhD in American studies and the study thereof knows the Yank and pities the Yank for they are feed fear by the media and hormones by the government.

The typical American has had all thought of rebelling against the government bred out of them, now they have tea parties and hold up strongly worded signs. Now Old Knudsen was a part of 'Project wuss' in the early 50's, we went to the dangerous mountain gorillas and treated their bananas in chemicals until they became less dangerous now all the great apes do is charge a little and thump their chests, before they would turn yer hed into jam.

Old Knudsen loves a zombie film and the majority are set in America. If Americans turned into zombies they may lurch towards you looking like they want to eat yer brain but all they would do is give you a good old moaning.

Now its true that I do see the odd zombie lurching out of The Travelers Arms early in the afternoon but the traffic usually gets them. If the people of Northern Ireland ever got turned into zombies you'd really be in trouble. Not putting up with any of yer shite they want and will get yer brains but they will also have their fun too.

Centuries of fighting against the English, Irish, Themselves and anyone that looks at them funny has turned them into brawling machines, ach ya should see my ma.......... maybe ya have ya dirty shites. Norn Iron (slurring forms many of the Ulster Scots words) zombies will carry a litre bottle of drink and get liquored up before they knock yer shite in fer fun and then they will eat yer brains..... nom nom nom.

If ya live in Northern Ireland, Scotland or some parts of northern England it may be safer if ya become a zombie or pretend to be Canadian cos everyone loves them.

TV Presenter Says Fuck!

2010-10-28T13:39:00.001-07:00

Ruth Langsford some British daytime television hoor who Old Knudsen wouldn't know if she passed him in the street was trying to get to one side of the TV studio to the other off Camera but didn't make it and so said, ''Oh fuck, we're not there yet!'' which was heard by dozens of desperate hoosewives across the cuntry.

Langsford is married to Norn Iron fat fuck Eamonn Holmes and presents a TV show with him.

Ok so it was a slip of the tongue like the time she said, "fuck it" in March 2009 and she wasn't giving the go ahead for Eamonn to get a battered sausage supper if ya know what I mean. Back then she said she was misheard and she said, "suck it" which is totally fine for daytime telly . Now the saucy bint claims she stubbed her toe and said "fuck" and apologised on her Twitter page and also on the telly. Old Knudsen always follows his swear words with "were not there yet" but he does not believe Langsford.

Why do you have to lie?

Just cum out and announce yer a dirty mouthed slapper and the cuntry will respect you. Holmes is a total wanker and has been known to let the odd profanity slip especially if you get in his way in real life. Like the comedian who did an ongoing gag about Holmes eating everything in sight then saying ,"I was fierce hungry, so I was" only to be threatened with legal action and his joke removed from the BBC and a public apology given to Holmes.

Old Knudsen has never liked Holmes and doesn't like his wife but its a small cuntry so I'm bound to see them at some time in Tescos. I saw yer man Christopher Eccleston who played Dr Who at the job centre the other day. Old Knudsen was looking for a job or at least pretending to in order to get some of the free money the government doles out . I waved to him and said, "So ya left Dr Who so ya wouldn't get type cast, that GI Joe was a great flick!" Yet again more celebrity swearing.

Speaking of fuckers that need to die. Yon ice-cream man drives past my hoose playing the Teddy bear's picnic very loudly about 3 times a day, I'm going to find out where he lives and play the Entertainer at full blast on his days off. FUCK!......... we're not there yet.

Competition Time

2010-10-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Old Knudsen is making up this competition to make yer dreams cum true. Now the questions below have to be answered 100% correctly because no doubt there will be a lot of dissappointed people that don't win.

For the chance to win an all expenses paid night out with Old Knudsen merely answer these simple questions.

Are you available up to the 20th November?

Do you have a nice car?

Will you buy Old Knudsen drink, ciggies and a sausage supper on top of his other expenses for his all expenses paid nite out?

Are you willing to bribe or fight security to get Old Knudsen backstage?

If Old Knudsen blows chunks or makes some other wet mess in yer car will you get on like a yappy shite?

Tables are £28 (per adult) and booths £24 (per adult) Old Knudsen wans a table up front so hurry up and win this comp and book it..... Good luck.

Why Old Knudsen Cannae Like Yon X- Factor Shite

2010-10-24T02:33:00.000-07:00

Since arriving back in the UK Old Knudsen has noticed that the whole cuntry is set to a disco beat. Every shop, restaurant and mall has over loud camp disco music blaring away. "ach don't be a disco hater" I hears ya say but really is the silence of everyday life not acceptable anymore? I know people have their Walkermans and Ipods but maybe some people would rather be able to communicate without shouting to others when buying a tube of their favourite anti-itch cream.

Its a recession and nearing Christmas so Old Knudsen would like to know who is in his killing zone and having Instant replay blasted at me ruins me keelers edge.

The more cooler music such as Springsteen, Bowie , The Doors and Rabbie fcuking Williams are never played but hey Old Knudsen respects yer lack of taste just keep it to yerself in yer earpods.

The X-Factor which is one of Simon Cowell's abortions is painfully popular, I can understand weemen watching it but it saddens me to know that men enjoy such things too ............... the terrorists are laughing at you sexually confident half men.

Cowell has sat in his poorly fitted hairy nipple jumpers and t-shirts giving his much valued opinions on several shows such as Pop Idol, American Idol and Celebs on the doon low and who really cares what he thinks? He gave us Robson & Jerome and altered their voices to trick people into buying their song so I don't think I care what he says.

Old Knudsen hates live music, he also hates movie sequels because why tamper with the original? Only on the very odd occasion is a sequel or cover better than the original . In the X-Factor you hear all this undulating from 50 year-old fat fcuks who have decided that after 30 years pulling pints at the Dog and Whistle it is now their dream to be stars, yer boat has sailed its nearly time to die.

You get these people that all look like Usher or Sporty Ugly Spice and hey when they aren't putting in too many sillybals in the words or inappropriately rapping they may sound ok but not stars, even with a baby and a sob story.

You get semi decent songs ruined because they just leave out entire lines or make the song their own ............. its not yer own ya cunt but now I hear yer version in my head because it was just so bad.

There are so many songs Old Knudsen hasn't heard because it seems the UK had this whole Gurls Aloud era and anyone from that time wasn't famous in the states so he may hear some ok songs because he doesn't know how they first came out and they all sound the same anyway.

Remember the old Kit Kat commercial? ya can't sing ya can't dance, you'll go along way. Old Knudsen is tired of being told about the trends he is supposed to like, when will people in their mid to late 30's realise they are too old and no one caters for their age group? well ok except for Susan Boyle but she was fcuk ugly and therefore a novelty .

I'm done I've wasted too much thought on X factory shows I'm off ta bed to dream of being a talentless poppy star and maybe someday opportunity will knock........... but really the least effort I can make the better.

Kiss My Roundabout America

2010-10-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

Nah don't worry about Old Knudsen he is fine. Sure after a load of years in America with fcuk all visas doing the jobs Americans didnae want ta do (ones that involved effort) under the table and sometimes under yer Ma the on the ball US immigration service found him and deported him.

Maybe using ID's for the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency and Home land security that I had printed off me computer to shake doon hookers and get free pancakes at IHOP (International Hoose Of Pancakes) wasn't such a good idea but it was good while it lasted.

Old Knudsen had long since had enough of America and wanted to get back to the UK as the trouble he had caused there was sure to be over though my home toon of Killamory is still too dangerous after that recent crop of babies popped out all saying "Ka-Chow ya cunt!"

Northern Ireland is the place Old Knudsen resides in now which is where me mammie's side is from. If ya go out of Belfast in the only direction that won't take ya to proddy culchies and gheylick speaking bandits you'll get to the Ballyscud road and if ya stay on the path and avoid the full moon you'll get to the beautiful town of Castlerathdun .................. DO NOT make eye contact with anyone.

Old Knudsen lived there years ago when it was only Castlerath and the civilisation of KFC had not yet reached there but now its all fancy with its own public telephone box that doubles as a public toilet on a Saturday night. Norn Iron culture is fab! people are less guarded about the Troubles now and happily accept Fenian cocksuckers as almost equals which is nice. Brown people and Slavs prowl the streets with hardly a second glance, well unless they go into a shop cos then they have to be watched.
The inside smoking ban is a nuisance because Old Knudsen likes to enjoy a fag as he waits for his Dr's appointment, now the busy shop owners and the like have to stand outside of their doorways and smoke like some kind of hazy nicotine advertisement. If ya can't afford any ciggies just walk doon High street and inhale.

About 95% of weemen are bleach blondes and most people are very sporty ............. well they wear tracksuits.

"All right there" is used as "hello" or as a "may I help the next customer please" smiles are for the weak and who wants to display British dentistry at its best?

Everything closes at 5pm and by 5.30pm if yer still out yer fair game for the wolves and the zombies. Nothing is open on Sunday as that is against the Bible, if yer out being a rascal on that day the zombie wolves will get ya.
Simple rules of the street it will only be a matter of time until the zombies and wolves are going home early to avoid me.

Old Knudsen has been applying for jobs and visiting the local useless cunt factory......... or sometimes called the Jobcentre, I am hoping that the Kiss o gram job cums through I mean 15 pound per dance and a chance of a raise.
I looked through the attic of my hoose 'One way manor' don't worry its just a name as Old Knudsen does it everyway and has no manners. I found a treasure from the distant seaport of Portavogie so to hold me over for money I'll be going on the Antiques Roadshow.

Leaving Callyfornia

2010-09-21T05:20:00.000-07:00

Old Knudsen has left the building also the cuntry. A man burnt out and on the edge deported for a crime he did not comit, well he sort of did comit it but he was only acting on instructions from Gog who spoke to him while he was on the medication Sinestro .

For security sake Old Knudsen will not tell you where he has gone but there is a clue in the above picture.

Who knows what the future has in store for Old Knudsen and when he will return? He will not forget any of you, well he probably will since hes old and all.

There is a little Old Knudsen in all of you........... yes quickly go wash it out with bleach.

Always question what everyone takes for fact.

Hate people for what they do not what they are.

Learn to trust yer instinct.

There are more things in heaven and earth, you cunt, than are dreamt of in your um dreams.

If you ever need Old Knudsen just phone up yer emergency service number and ask for the storm bringer, they will deny all knowledge of me and may threaten to have you arrested hang in there its just their cover. If my fellow agents dressed as police do not bring you in I shall contact you after 3 days of tailing you if I see its not a trap.

Doon With The French!

2010-09-12T12:50:00.001-07:00

The French are yapping because not only do they have to work a long 35 hour week, take most of August off on top of other holidays, get free cigarettes and wine as part of their health care and are never expected to fight during a war but the government is talking about raising the retirement age from 60 to 62 .............. OMG!!!!! Ya know who is getting blamed for this? no not the Germans who have already raised it from 65 to 67 but instead the British who are now talking about raising their limit from 65 to 67 .

The French as usual are striking and burning British products. " How dare the French government copy a superior cuntry like Great Britain they may sometimes say" well actually its more like "Down with these Anglo-Saxon ideas" yeah that is their insult towards us..... Anglo- Saxon. Come on lets be a little less 11th century here. Sheep burning, cheese eating surrender monkeys who make love with their mouths and fight with their feet, Frogs!

Mon nom est Pierre ........... yer what is itchy? how about ya stop talking in that mongish Lol cat speak and talk proper fcuking English and why the fcuk do you smell like yer sister's cont and garlic?

Old Knudsen is boycotting French things as a protest so don't be expecting to see him up the Ethel tower over in ghey Parree any time soon. Did you know that on French flags the red and blue are held on by velcro so in case of an emergency they can be removed to reveal an all white flag? ............ true story.

Lurgan Whats That About?

2010-09-07T15:32:00.001-07:00

Lurgan is about 18 miles south-west of Belfast with a population of about 23,000 , mostly spides, hoods, inbred banjo players and sheep. The name Lurgan cums from the Irish an Lorgain meaning "the long ridge" which was probably the name of a pub.

The town was refused the honour of being twinned with Londonderry because The maiden city (Londonderry, Derry, Free Derry, Diet Derry) didn't want to be associated with lowly educated sectarian mongs and a high crime rate.

Stay tuned for my post 'Londonderry city of lowly educated sectarian mongs and a high crime rate'.

Lurgan thought to be the ground zero for the 13th century strain of the Bubonic plague known as the Lurgie which killed millions and whose birth defects such as slurred speech and the need to throw things are still felt today. It also proudly boasts of being the leader of the most cases of fetal alcohol syndrome in Europe............. I'll drink ta that!
Many Ulster leaders throughout history have spent most of their lives trying to broker deals for the Republic of Ireland to take it back not even the efforts and a huge bribe from Bill Clinton in the late 90's could talk the Irish government into taking it.

A Lurgan beauty queen .

The act of rioting in Lurgan is seen as a civil right and the towns of Portadown and Craigavon along with Lurgan is known as the "murder triangle" but that is only a name to sensationalise the violence as its not really a triangle more of a straight line.

The terror campaign of Protestant/Catholic violence has been escalating over the past couple of years and now wheelie bins who up until now have been regarded as neutral have now been targeted for death by dissidents .

Twelve cases of E. coli have broken out amongst children in Lurgan last week. The army have moved in and have relocated 38 families to holding camps and a plan to purge Ulster of Lurgan using nukes and napalm is being discussed at the government offices at Stormont.

No famous people have ever come out of Lurgan only ugly.

Superman Is A Muslim!

2010-09-03T00:54:00.001-07:00

Part eight in our hard hitting series finding out the people who are secret Muslims trying to destroy civilisation and stopping the consumption of bacon with our eggs. Obama, Prince Charles, Cher and Pope Benedict XVI have all been found to be freedom hating dog kicking Muslims.
Next of the list is Superman, AKA Clark Kent. Strangely enough there is no record of him having American citizenship or having entered the cuntry legally even though he works for The Daily Planet which is part owned by the Saudi prince Alwaleed bin Talal the business partner of Rupert Murdoch.

The Daily Planet declined to comment on Mr Kent's legal or work status but Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has been informed.

Superman's father Jor-El is from Kryptonistan and is thought to be a top ranking member of Al Qaeda or at least may own a Koran.

A little more digging and you find that Superman's real name is Kal-El which may mean ' death to the west ' . Where was Superman on 9/11, why is he not stopping the mosque being built two blocks away from the sacred ground of the WTC site which has been ear marked for a really cool and respectful mall and why does he wear his gunties over a tight spandex outfit like a big fruit?

Superman's base of operations the Fortress of Solitude is said to be found either on the Pakistan/Afghani border or in Topeka, Kansas.

Old Knudsen has never met a Muslim but he is pretty sure they all want to kill him and rape his young nephews. Never trust any religion that preaches love and peace.

Next on the Knudsen search for truth: David Cameron the Prime Minister of Britain is a Christian! why else would he be such a donkey raping twat who enjoys the smell of his sinless farts?

The Truth Will Set You Up

2010-08-28T12:13:00.001-07:00

Glenn Beck a Faux news mouth piece who goes the US stereotype conservative route with ' God is white right, Obama is evil and socialism is scary because Americans are too good to pay taxes' you know, the usual tired crap that still gets them elected so bigots can force 'their' ideas of freedom onto the rest of the nation thus giving the world its modern day concept of America that is loved by all.

The man that hack writer Stephen King once referred to as "Satan's mentally challenged younger brother" which is the best thing he has said in years and unlike his other stuff 'should' be made into a film....... yes set in Maine.

Now Beck was told by God to hold a rally at the Lincoln Memorial on the spot Martin Luther King Jr spoke about his dreams 47 years ago ........ its no wonder King got shot, dreams are like photographs people only want to know about them if they are in them or someone is having sex.

Uppity black people like Al Sharpton don't want whitey using black civil rights icons to further whitey's cause and so is holding his own rally near by.

Al Sharpton listens in on police band radio in case a police officer (of any race) looks at a black criminal the wrong way, he is just as nutty as Beck and like Beck , truth is something only he knows.

Beck who wanks to pictures of Sarah Palin has promoted his rally with the controversial former reality show star God "You're going to see the spirit of God unleashed, unlike you have ever seen it before. At least at a public function." The rapture maybe? lets hope so cos when all those dry shites get beamed up to Heaven the world will be a better place and the gene pool will be cleaner.

No more idiot news stories about Noah's ark being found or vases being dug up in Jerusalem which therefore proves Jesus attended as wedding there. Yeah people seem to think time stands still no one moves hoose or clears up after parties in 2000 years.

"America, today, begins to turn back to God" says Beck ........ um what about the holy wars America is waging with Islam and the gheys? No darn tootin ghey marriages or insurgent lovin mosques dang naggit. As the average American may say.

Its a pity the Bible doesn't have anything about immigration in it so that can be interpreted as immigrants being evil. They just lump them all as Illegal because they are brown and speak Mexican ........... it must be true cos Old Knudsen is white and can speak English when he chooses to and no one asks him if he sneaked over the border in fact they complain to me about immigrants (yes my people) because they think I am one of their own .

Old Knudsen has seen dickheads of all colours and believes you to be an arse until proven otherwise.

The rallies today are the same as those countless ones throughout history. Different names, faces and times but its the same vague agenda getting a dissatisfied people whipped up into a frenzy by giving them imaginary enemies who are the source of all their woes.

These people don't think too much which is ok as long as Beck, Rush Limbaugh , Sean Hannity , Bill O'Reilly and all the other fcuk faced angry conts can make money off the hate and feed the wrong right with the proper opinions.

Just because its right wing doesn't make it ' right ' just as saying the gospel truth doesn't mean that it or the gospels are true. Evil is taking over the world and not doing the right thing the good thing is becoming the norm. People look at you with disgust when you hold open a door for them and their baby laden stroller to get in or honk horns when you stop to make room for a car trying to pull out, common courtesy has becum uncommon.

The right thing is disguised and hidden by spin rammed doon yer throat constantly like a 12 inch cock of lies in a gangbang of deception. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.

To give honest Abe the last word .... well he was as honest as any politician can be . " When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion. "

Naughty Butt Nice Typo

2010-08-27T18:38:00.001-07:00

Spin Doctors And Memory Loss

2010-08-20T15:12:00.001-07:00

Operation Enduring Freedom or the war in Afghanistan will be 10 years old in October. While you hear how many have died and how much the war costs in almost up to the minute detail you never hear about how much the government has earned from the war.

I'm sure that with China and the US working together to rape/mine the worlds largest copper deposits thirty miles south of Kabuil in the Aynak Valley since 2008 some money has to be getting made by someone...... the $88 billion from the area will weaken the insurgency so they say.

Be wary when men in fancy suits tell you how broke they are because that may only mean they are doon to their last 10 billion.

Since the mid 90's the US have been involved in a power play in Afghanistan. Hardly new news but unlike the death and cost toll its a subject that isn't touched upon much.

Ever wonder why the first WTC bombing in 1993 didn't start a war? maybe that was because it could be brushed under the carpet so it won't sour any deals.

Unocal, Enron, Haliburton and Chevron have all been in Afghanistan long before the US troops, trying to negotiate deals with the main power in the area ' The Taliban ' to get their twin 1040 mile oil and gas pipelines built in a move to bypass Russia in that energy rich region.

Chevron who had bought out Unocal even had Taliban leaders over to Texas for a visit to see the NASA Space Center and the Houston Zoo in 1997............ ah good times.

Then the Taliban had to invite Osama bin Laden over to Afghanistan who then spoiled the deal by favouring an Argentine firm over the Americans because the Argentineans went to the trouble of sipping tea with Taliban leaders and Bin Laden had issues with Yanks being in his homeland of Saudi Arabia.

You hear its all about oil, well its also about natural gas and the fact that the recent wrangling over the cuntry has been going on for years long before 9/11 and all during the time when Osama was with the Taliban bombing embassies and killing Americans in an attempt to lure the west to invade Afghanistan........ yeah he isn't some uneducated camel jockey he got an enemy he could fight on his soil and ignite the fury of all the other Islamic extremists. It was a trap folks and greed was the bait.

Months before 9/11 in early 2001 Secretary of State Colin Powell gave the Taliban a deal sweetener of $43 million for “humanitarian purposes” because we know the Taliban are so into that. I'm sure the US and all the other governments have made their money 50 times over by now.

Try not to believe headlines that tell you about the last combat unit leaving either Iraq or Afghanistan. Its all PR spin considering 50,000 troops and special forces get left behind in so-called noncombat roles not to mention all the private contractors .

Prince Charles Is A Muslim!

2010-08-19T12:04:00.001-07:00

If you go by this undated picture you can clearly see that Prince Charles is a Muslim. He has not commented on this subject nor has he shown his birth certificate to prove otherwise. His father is Prince Philip of Denmark and Greece which as we all know are very close to Mecca.

In 1997 he had his first wife killed in an honour killing after she started to see a man from the Harrod tribe.

Charles whose family changed their name from the Muslim sounding Saxe -Coburg -Gotha to Windsor in 1917 has spoken out in favour of building a Mosque/organic vegetable farm12 miles from a Christian church which is built on sacred ground ....... ok the church was actually built upon an ancient pagan temple as many Christian churches are but thats besides the point as its the sort of thing Muslims would do .......... too.

If you needed further evidence just look at this picture of the Prince of Persia with Obama Bin Laden discussing plans to bring the western infidels to their knees with affordable health care for all and the withdrawal of troops from much needed wars of terror no doubt.

Stay tuned for my next post in which I discuss how George Bush Snr and Jnr are agents of Islam going by their actions in the Iraqi wars, Bush Snr called for the people of Iraq to rise up then pulled the US troops out early and let Saddam slaughter those who opposed him and Bush Jnr invaded Iraq for no reason other than to swell the ranks of Al Qaeda........... mission accomplished.

OMG Like War Is Kewl

2010-08-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

Eden Abergil a 26 year-old did her stint as a reservist with the Isreali army, she caused a stir recently when she posted pictures up on her FaceBook account posing with detained Palestinians. The IDF whipped up a televised statement with an clean cut American like captain saying how shameful this is and not what the IDF do and that the IDF help out in Haiti and transport aid into Gaza ......... yadda yadda yadda as I'm sure he may have also said being Jewish and all.

Abergil doesn't know what the fuss is about and joked on her FaceBook about looking to see if the prisoners are on FaceBook and maybe she should tag them. Israelis are um how shall we say this? fanatical zealots, and love to bash Arabs , many of them don't see Palestinians as humans but as enemies which is why she doesn't see anything wrong in her pictures. I'm sure she'd build a naked pyramid and point at naked genitals because she has the power over these less than human people with ways that are strange to her.

Isreal certainly learned from what the Nazis did to them because they are now doing it themselves. It does feel dirty to have them as our allies but there you have it.

She is making light of a situation in which scared people are zip tied, blind folded and not exactly at their best. Like the IDF soldiers getting captured as they nap on tanks and the recent boarding of the Gaza flotilla ship this is not very professional behaviour.

Maybe Old Knudsen is remembering a time where soldiers didn't interrupt war to answer their mobile phone, take photos or text their BFF. In all jobs there should be a time when you don't have yer phone on you and if you do have it then it should be turned off. In the military I'm sure having a device with GPS on it isn't a very smart move .

In March a soldier in the IDF told the time and place of an upcoming mission into the West bank on his FaceBook page and the mission had to be cancelled, he was court-martialed and sentenced to 10 days in prison. He would have been given 20 days if it was on Myspace as that would be totally lame.

People worry about FaceBook privacy all the time but you can only give out what you put in, if only there was an app for bad judgement .

Pet Peev 486 - Believing What TV Shows Say

2010-08-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

In the TV series 'Covert Affairs' Annie Walker as played by Piper Perabo is a 28-year-old CIA trainee who is suddenly promoted to field operative. Little does Walker know the promotion wasn't because of her full pouting BJ lips and sex me up eyes, it is an attempt by her superiors to lure out her former boyfriend who unknown to Walker is a top spy............. duh duh duh.

Pretty realistic huh? The key role of the CIA is intelligence gathering, failing that a lethal injection between the toes will do. If the series is based on real life events it isn't a surprise that the CIA are so incompetent, a trainee half-way through her training put out into the field and a blind guy back in the office monitoring operations.

These shows are a bit of fluff just some fun but what gets Old Knudsen is people believing what they say.

American bloke: "Did you know that the CIA aren't allowed to carry weapons on US soil?"

Yes someone did get this info from Covert Affairs and did pass it on thinking it was true because the show says so . While it is true that most CIA employees do not carry side arms since they are mostly pen pushers the CIA does have a Security Protective Service division or SPS which deals in the security of buildings and employees etc.

Considering the whole American gun courage ideal that is held so dear and that city officials do under the table deals with the police to be able to carry guns when they don't have to I'm sure that many CIA who have not learned to kill with a Bic pen or rolled up magazine like Jason Bourne do indeed carry a weapon. Also in the field it depends on what the agents are doing at the time.

The CIA do not operate on US soil but in the series they do ......... a little bit like how the FBI are used in movies and TV, they have a generic gun and badge so they can go anywhere and investigate anything I call forth the series X- files and the newer one Haven as examples of sanctioned rogue agents. No jurisdiction or state laws because a 45 minute TV show doesn't have time for agents who fear for their jobs by not following the protocol of bureaucracy.

Ms Walker in Covert Affairs should be given a gun because when the bad guy is beating her up she has been saved by Mossad agent, MI-5 double agent and her ex boyfriend who all had guns but who cares since she is nice to look at.

Try to remember people its only television.

Drifting Along

2010-08-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

I stand in the aisle looking for Anusol bum cream, no way will I get useless Preparation H on the whole you are dead to me where is the Anusol? I've been awake for most of the night scratching my rusty bullet hole so my powers of concentration are not very good or maybe I'm under physic attack from a Witch.

I look around me at the other aisles why do weemen with terrible looking saggy arses wear troosers with something written on the bums? While I looked at yer 50 year-old pancake arse to read 'Pink' I missed out on yon bubble butt, thank you madam!

My gaze stops at a pretty young lady looking at the shampoos it isn't a moment of stalking my 1000 yard stare just happens to settle of a beautiful expressive face and all around me gets tuned out. I'm no thinking about my itch or what she would look like naked this is a more pure adoration like when you hear a piece of music that pulls you in to enjoy every little bit of it on a deeper level.

And then she does this.

She stands open mouthed like a whale trying to catch plankton for 20 seconds as she yawns , during this time the spell is broken and I see her as a mere mortal who would rather look dumb and gleek over everything and everyone than cover her mouth. I bet she coughs over everything too and uses her mobile phone to talk to people as she sits on the shitter.

Its just as well as I'd probably follow her home and stand in the shadows as the lights go on and off in her hoose then I'd search her rubbish , damn do I hate being in the thrall of a Witch, why do they pick on Old Knudsen?

A Muslim No Go Zone In New York

2010-08-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

World leaders will always make decisions that have people up in arms misspelling protest signs, starting FaceBook groups and shouting doon anyone with a different opinion than theirs. Old Knudsen knows this better than anyone because he has studied the fine art of what pisses people off.

A Brit telling a Yank about their own cuntry really gets to them, Gog forbid a dirty foreigner should know more about it than they do........... No illegal immigrants aren't living off yer Welfare system, are you fcuking stupid? Americans can't even live off it.......... Yes you are losing two wars in the middle east and if you think the world hates you now just see what happens when you leave........... Yes poor education and circumcision does make Americans males angry and more likely to rape and abuse weemen........... Yes yer government hates you and you already have socialised medicine its called Medicare.

Obama is a tool but Old Knudsen backed him because the alternative was McCain and Sugar Tits. Eight years of Bush fcuking things up like the booming economy he took over from Clinton and invading two cuntries because one of them threatened his daddy and the other that was set up by the US just wasn't working anymore. A tough act for an inexperienced senator to follow.

Now Obama backs a mosque being built near Ground Zero in New York, if you read the outrage about it you'd think they were building it on Ground Zero. The fact is that its 2 blocks away on privately bought land and because this is becoming an issue the world will think of Americans as being total cnuts rather than just the stupid cnuts they are usually perceived to be .

The Mosque is touted as being 'a hub for interfaith interaction, as well as a place for Muslims to bridge some of their faith's own schisms.' oh and it has a swimming pool.......... fcuking A. If you want to take the moral high ground America even the Muslims have to get the religious freedom you hold so dear.

All Muslims do not support Al Qaeda or the tragedy of 9/11, so does it make sense to hate everything Muslim? The 9/11 cnuts were black haired men whats next hating Gerard Butler? away an fcuk no one hates Gerry on my watch! So is there to be a Muslim no go zone in New York? if so I hope that will apply to other regions in other places for instance no Jehovah witnesses around my hoose.

Don't get Old Knudsen wrong he doesn't like Ragheads or anyone else to be honest but he really dislikes injustice. If you have lived in Northern Ireland for any time during the Troubles you would have found it very easy to say "Fenian Irish Fcukers" every time an IRA bomb killed someone and yer view of Irish Catholics may very well be tainted. Its the same thing you may have a son or daughter in Iraq or Afghanistan and hate Muslims because some of the crazy ones want to kill one of yer own .

Remember there are fanatics in every religion just ask the very Christian Fred Phelps about that one . Hate the terrorists and their supporters not the whack jobs that just happen to be Muslim, Catholic or Protestant, they have lost reason and win out when you lose yers too.

Star Trek Ka-Chow!

2010-08-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Commander Riker: I hear the new Lieutenant is an expert on First Contact.

Lieutenant Commander Knudsen: I heard Yer Ma was an expert on First Contact ......................

Ka- Chow!

I Made This........... Dickhead

2010-08-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

Coming Soon

2010-08-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

Where are the big movie stars of today? has everything just gone so pedestrian that even the stars are ordinary. So-called hunks like Clooney and Pitt have lost their window, Mel Gibson has lost his mind and Tom Cruise has lost that loving feeling sure they will still have hits but their big time is over and soon it will be back to the actor's standard ploy...... wearing a fake nose.

Maybe we just know too much about our matinee idols. The enquirer will tell you about Brad and Angie splitting up every other week and who has cellulite in a swim suit and well the mystery is gone.

What is on at the cinema? I hear there are a load of ghey CGI gladiator/300 films are coming out maybe I'll oil meself up and go someday. All I hear about now is inception, not from Hollywood buzz but because there is fuck all out. I mean Twilight and Karate Kid who by the way does Kung Fu so away an fuck. Salt........... people are chasing Angelina Jolie because they think she is a Russian spy to be honest I don't care if she is or not but Brad Pitt plays her husband who is also a spy, no wait thats another film.

After seeing the sneeze scene in Outbreak (way to go Hollywood for hurting future box office sales) it takes a lot for Old Knudsen to pay to be in a room with horrible noisy germy strangers sitting on uncomfortable seating for 2 hours.

Old Knudsen is uninspired to go to the flicks and will be happy enough to wait at the $5.00 bin until something he wants to see cums out.

Flares Are Back In Style

2010-08-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

The Solar Dynamics Observatory of NASA spotted a solar eruption or “coronal mass ejection”that is causing neutrinos to penetrate the Earth making the temperature of the Earth's core increase rapidly.

A representative of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, Charles Frost stated, “It’s the first major Earth directed eruption in some time and even though it may cause many mega earthquakes and the displacement of Earth's crust causing the magnetic poles to shift we here think its kinda beautiful”.

The mainland United States may be able to look toward the north tonight and Wednesday evening for rippling curtains of green and red light if the CME triggers aurorae. The sky should be clear and it will be dry with a chance of scattered fireballs.

So far two strong earthquakes 7.6 and 7.2 have struck Papua New Guinea 325 miles to the northeast of the capital, Port Moresby 31 miles beneath the ocean floor.

Taiwan also suffered a 6.3 earthquake on the ocean floor about 47 miles east of Hualien City at a depth of 10 miles.

The US government has issued a tsunami alert for coastal areas of California but when questioned on why Dick Cheny had sealed himself up in his bunker a spokesperson said, " Mr Cheny has decided to spend more time away from his family for health reasons."

When pressed about excessive troop movement around the Cheyenne Mountain Operations Center in Colorado and reports of huge ships being built as a secret project intended to ensure the continuity of human life with tickets for the ships only going to a privileged few, President Obama could not comment as no one had told him about it nor had given him a ticket.

On a lighter note a happy looking former President George W Bush jokingly flipped off the press and told them they were all going to die as he packed up to go on an extended cruise around the world, what a kidder. A well earned holiday Mr President after eight joyous years of service to yer nation.

.

All Laid Bare

2010-08-02T23:08:00.001-07:00

Old Knudsen gets asked a ridiculous amount of questions a day, it seems when yer a public figure people take liberties and think you belong to them. Old Knudsen hasn't belonged to anyone since he was a gladiator slave to the emperor Maximus Penetratious . I hope to answer some of the more repetitive ones.

Silver bullets do not kill me I just shite those things out like a slot machine. Sunlight does burn my skin and has been known to make my balls sweat. I can drink holy water but only in its frozen state and when mixed with alcohol or I get angry and turn green and me trousers turn purple ......... not a good look for me.

In my various lines of work I have had to kill people but I don't want to talk about it as its something I'm no proud about. No wait I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards out. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot I was pretty proud of that yin, 2,080 on a rough body count and thats no including playing Mafia Wars then there are the ones that you think are dead but don't want to chance it so you drill em again on yer way past and do ethnics count? they didn't back in the day like Irish but laws change and I cannae keep up , well like I said I don't want to talk about it.

I am not afraid of Lemurs their big judging bug eyes make me uncomfortable not scared!

The man who tells you he has no fear is either lying or hes Old Knudsen. I laugh in the face of danger and giggle behind the back of Doom.

There is nothing wrong with being ghey but I'm no a poof. Prison, the military, long sea voyages, gurly boys and drunken mistakes can in no way be included to form any assumption about me. Before you say it I'm no in denial, NO NO NO!

I can start an argument in an empty room and I despise it when people agree with my opinion even though that is the correct thing to do, ach I'm a complex person.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins were already separated when my name was dragged into the whole thing and Susan and I are just good friends. I have on occasion drove her home and we have understood each other many times but only in a rough but good friendly way.

God does exist as I've met him, a total prick I must add so I usually hang out with all the false Gods instead at least they don't rape young gurls then let their child get tortured to death. Talk about control issues, I tell him control is an illusion but hes a nutter.

The reason why my DNA is found at many crime scenes is that the Devil plants it there.

I do hate everyone that is true though I have warmed up to some. Won't save them during the great cull when the mothership gets here but I'll make it fast.

I do not walk the line nor cross the line. The line is simply not there and if you take offense then the terrorists win which means yer a cont for losing to them.

Painful 4 hour long erections happen to Old Knudsen every three weeks or so. I'm no complaining in fact its good to see movement at the old battle stations.

There is so much blood in my stools I sell them to vampires as lunchables.

Yes I am really an old man in fact my birth certificate was done by the same guy who did the 15 commandments, oh you only know 10? well that explains why Christianity has been getting it wrong all these years.

World leaders do ask my opinion but they never listen.

I did beat up Captain America and his army mutant minute men when they wouldn't let me go south to sell the guns I had recently bought at an Orange county gun show . He lay crying and bleeding as I declared, "Commerce is the American way ya commie cont" its bad when a foreigner such as I has to re-teach Americans their own values.

Old Knudsen may be old but he does like to stay in shape in fact he has the body of a 20 year- old which reminds me, gotta go its feeding and lotion time.

The White Side

2010-07-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson stars and directs this movie in which he plays as a raging alcoholic LA cop burnt out and on the edge with anger issues in this light sided look at how Jews start all the wars.

Gary Coleman in his last role as a 42 year old young boy who is adopted by Gibson shines and will doubt be remembered on Oscar night when he does a Heath Ledger and wins for a so so role that involves no acting.

This film will have you saying, "What you talking about you crazy cracker?" and if you don't cry at the extremely graphic and prolonged lynching at the end then you don't have a heart.

Eekbert and Raper "This movie will knock yer teeth out".

Klan News Weekly "If you don't see this movie then you deserve to be raped by a pack of niggers"

Mel Gibson " I'm Mel and I'm a fucking arsehole and an alcoholic its been 3 minutes since my last drink and you look like a fucking Vegas hoor and those tight pants are so provocative its embarrassing I can see yer pussy from behind".

This film is rated PG -13 but will not be shown because the Jews run Hollywood.

2010-07-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

Fucking amazing, you can get my new posts on me Wordpress blog via me Twatter updates if ya didn't know. Old Knudsen just doesn't know what to do with himself and no he isn't taking suggestions maybe I'll start up another 8 half arsed blogs .

A Marching Season Wish

2010-07-10T12:05:00.000-07:00

On the happy occasion of sectarian celebration in Northern Ireland Old Knudsen wonders, why can't the pedos and the blowhards just get along?

We Want To Protect You

2010-06-23T08:48:00.000-07:00

The Food and Drug Administration(FDA) is an American government agency responsible for protecting the public health by assuring the safety, efficacy, and security of human and veterinary drugs, biological products, medical devices, our nation’s food supply, cosmetics, products that emit radiation, and tobacco products.............. so they say.

Mobile (cell) phones do not cause tumors they cause happiness, unless texting while driving terms and conditions may apply.
Seafood from the Gulf of Mexico may be tainted in colour, taste and odour but the public should not worry.
Most Sunscreens have been found to accelerate cancer and the SPF is a total lie. The FDA see this as a positive thing as who has time these days to wait on getting cancer?
Public drinking water has an acceptable amount of perchlorate if you are worried just add some lead for taste.

More about the FDA here

I See A Blue Sea And I Want To Paint It Black

2010-06-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

Old Knudsen Is Still On The Line

2010-06-13T11:41:00.000-07:00

Me and Vince Vaughn were hanging out talkin about our time in prison when he mentioned that Blogger is doing with blogs what the Russians are doing with the Chechens, making them disappear . From what I can see MJ the Queen of filth has been "removed" and so I sit and wait for mine to go too.

I had hoped to carry on when my mood and living situation was better but who knows? My blog is kinda full up so I hope they just hide it from everyone else except me like they did with my last blog that someone flagged, Gog forbid you should show pictures of man's inhumanity towards man, " Oh no a terrible atrocity lets hide our eyes and complain rather than learn from it".
Fucking cunts!!!! What will be left? oh yeah tame slightly amusing blogs and mummy blogs with fawning commenters.

Old Knudsen does despise any club that will have him as a member that is true.
Old Knudsen will never be a mainstream success ............... who fucking cares?
Old Knudsen knows he is better than the rest but can't be arsed right now.
Old Knudsen knows he scares the shit out of the mainstream people by not being predictable.

Its just a matter of time before they clamp doon on everything free and fill it full of ads........ have you installed Ad block plus yet? Old Knudsen never sees any ads. Then the Domains that are paid for will be tighter regulated no one is safe because you always have to go through someone else.

Being fucking hilarious for free can seem a little pointless after a few years but when my opinions build up they need to go somewhere. Fuck it would be sad if I wasn't removed where would my Messiah complex be then?

Have I mentioned lately that I AM the way?

Its just a matter of time before I return to full time blogging but will there be a blog or a place to return?

Ach 15 people were killed in Baghdad, ethnic cleansing in Kyrgyzstan and a 'shoot to kill' policy , BP has painted the sea black which is so 1980's, Catherine Zeta Hoorbag got a CBE and Old Knudsen got nothing yet again and Rob Green fumbled with his ball in the World Cup letting the Yanks tie. Bigger problems than cunty Blogger but it always starts small like this.

Times are achanging, I'm hoping for a zombie apocalypse meself. You can cut me doon Blogger/Google but I shall only grow stronger.

.

2010-05-30T01:09:00.000-07:00

Pubic Service Announcement

2010-05-20T01:29:00.000-07:00

A Sucky Idea

2010-05-17T20:59:00.001-07:00

Sir James Dyson with funding from BP and Halliburton has invented a way to get rid of the oil slick in the gulf of Mexico. At Cyberdyne Systems Corporation a subsidiary of Halliburton he will be using the surplus of children to build a cyborg army of oil terminators to vacuum up the oil.

The latest in a long line of ideas seems like a winner as long as muscle bound Austrians are not involved.
Dyson is also working on a project called Skynet which he can use to send these terminators back into time before people found out how much Halliburton was charging the government to run the war of terror and kill those who leaked the info.

What could possibly go wrong?

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America Fuck Yeah

2010-05-17T11:42:00.000-07:00

America is a wondrous place where any two faced lying, cheating racist cunt no matter how ridiculous you look can becum a hero and you may even get the chance to marry someone like Sandra Bullock or becum a senator or even president all depends on race, only white or white friendly non-threatening people may apply.

If you are famous you can murder yer wife and some other guy, lawyer up and get off with it. Of course if you do take the piss and do some other idiot crime you'll end up in a cushy prison getting back rubs from some inmates known as " The Gurls" and treated like royalty. Pretty good huh? OJ Simpson is the man!

Pedos are welcome and even Hollywood stars defend their actions in the hope of working with them some day.
I see British actress Charlotte Lewis said Polanski raped her when she was 16 . Is it really rape if yer famous? Also that 13 year-old he drugged and repeatedly abused well that was way back in 1977 so it hardly counts as a crime, Elvis died having a shit that year which I believe is vastly more important.
If it was yer own daughter you'd think nothing of it right? so way ta go capitalist Hollywood at least you know money and fame trumps hurt feelings and hoo hoos.

A cuntry not bogged doon with history because the American way is to forget and just hate for the moment because life is too short (mostly due to diet) In 2003 France was hated by many in the US ......... Old Knudsen hates them on a permanent basis which is fine as they are Britain's ancient enemy.
French fries (chips in the UK) were named Freedom fries, bottles of French wine (vinegar in the UK) were poured doon the gutter.
If it wasn't for the French backing up the traitorous Americans of the revolution the Yanks wouldn't had won on land in 1781 and at sea in 1783. The French have always had a habit of stringing the enemies of Great Britain along with promises of help, just ask the not so bonnie prince Charlie.

Nixon was forced to eat peaches or some kind of shite because he sweated on TV. Nixon is a hero, he was a man ahead of his time who set up the patriot act on the sly long before George W Bush ever had the nerve to. Now not only can yer cell phones (mobile phones in the UK) be tapped but Jack Bauer can triangulate yer arse and find you, or simply use the installed GPS on some models.
Nixon was pardoned by his old Vice president but the stigma hung around the poor fella.

BP, Transocean and Halliburton are fucking class. Eleven workers may have died on the oil rig that blew up in the Gulf of Mexico .......... whatever, no publicity is bad publicity you'll still buy our shit!
While the oil may be making its way up to Greenland BP, Transocean and Halliburton are entertaining us with ideas of giant top hats, funnels, human hair sponges and lets throw junk at it ideas also blaming each other for the spill.
I suspect a lower BP manager (not BP America) will do the British thing and shoot himself in his office with his service revolver and everything will be ok , well except for the pollution.
The FDA will do a test on the blackened water and say its safe to drink. Sorry safe for the public to drink and Halliburton will sell it bottled as a new energy drink called ' slickade.'

57% of water wells in the US are contaminated with nitrates the FDA are happy with this. Animal waste seeping into the water table and sold to consumers all over the US. Hey don't get me wrong its no a third world cuntry here could Mexico have made Avatar? fuck no! you just can't drink the water without yer kidneys dying or getting cancer. Lucky everyone has health care.

Fuck the water, fuck the land and fuck the children. America is about more than that. Its about freedom, taking liberties and sayin yer bigger and better than everyone else and that takes a particular type of bravery especially if you can't really back it up with results.

The military have been using an eco-friendly ammunition round to make guns and shooting at shite more popular I suppose. While the round melts in the heat of Iraq its great for training with in the US and other not so hot places.
The old rounds had perchlorate and potassium which left a nasty taste in yer mouth when shot with and had bad chemicals that contaminated the perchlorate in the drinking water.

Old Knudsen salutes the US military and the government in its many ways to save money in order to keep yer freedoms free.
If ever there was a priority it would be an environmentally friendly round so when you invade cuntries at least those stone age ragheads will have clean drinking water.

The world has a lot to learn from the Americans, well the Chinese did learn a lot from the CIA manuals for interrogation so well done.
We Brits tried to tell the world but after ruling a up to a quarter of it for a few hundred years, well you just can't tell some people and they have to learn from their own mistakes.

Oh and for any tea party wankers who hi-jack historical names, this isn't an anti-American rant by a non American if its true it isn't anti-American so fuck off on yer power scooter ya fat bastard.

Remember the first rule of fight club............ no survival, I mean survival, "Don't panic."

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I Don't Care

2010-05-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

In the beginning I was conflicted about people who were actually dumb enough to use their real names for blogging and the sort. I thought well these people are obviously not going to cause any waves and their lives are such open boring books with none of the security issues of terrorists, evil family or mean co-workers and are as tame as Ned Flanders never saying, "cunt, wank, pish, shit, rimjob motherfucker up the bum no babies I'll rape yer cat ."

Then they join Facebook, a free social network invented by a drunken student. Old Knudsen wonders that when they set up email accounts and the such do they give their real details? You could if you wanted to give Facebook a lot of details depending on yer stupidity but why would you, zip /postal code? what about Beverly Hills 90210 thats one of my favs to use and such a great show full of angst.

Its like when a policeman stops you and asks yer name do you give him yer real name or bluff it? Yes Old Knudsen doesn't walk about with ID or any identifying labels on his clothes, ' old habits die hard and live free' you may find my Mum/Dad tattoos but I don't include their names.

I do have a scrap of paper with my real name and details on it somewhere as ever since the weapon X experiments my memory ain't too sharp.

I give Facebook fuck all info they can use even the truth is based on a lie and the lie is wrapped up in an enigma covered in salad cream which is as we all know pourable sunshine.
Old Knudsen is in control not Facebook. Really I don't give a fuck what I tell them .

Now you have people all over the place complaining about phishing and information selling, here is a tip: Don't use yer real name, date of birth and if anyone asks for yer phone number then tell them to fuck off.
Why all the yapping Facebook is free, no its not going to start charging as all the groups say, that is a panic rumour as confirmed by snopes.com if ya don't like it then stop using it.

Of course if you surf the web without virus protection and click on anything in sight then yer just a mong.

Sure computers get hacked and friends pass on virus' with those idiot send this to 5 friends or you die forwards but quit the fucking yapping no one is making you log on.

I Search And Then Research

2010-05-13T13:04:00.001-07:00

If you follow Old Knudsen on Facebook you see the letters PhD after his name. Now I don't like to brag about all my qualifications, numerous military medals for valour or how how many times I've tapped Helen Mirren Old Knudsen is merely a humble blogger even though he is also probably the new messiah if you believe the next National Da Vinci treasure code movie about to cum out starring Nicholas Hanks.

I do not squander having 12 or so doctorates unlike some who use what they have learned to graft octopus arms onto themselves. I use my PhD for what it is meant to be used for..... to be an elitist cunt who thinks hes a doctor, yes I do laugh when asked "Is there a doctor in the hoose?" and when I get to the unconscious person I burst out laughing cos the jokes on them, oh sorry I thought you wanted to talk about science, philosophy , tits or history :::::::::sniggers::::::::: as person dies.

I have finally finished my 4 years of research into why the Lord of the rings is so popular, besides the 40 million in funding had started to dry up.

The answer is midgets!

Who the fuck doesn't like midgets? Even top Nazi Dr Joseph Mengele liked midgets and if he liked midgets then maybe Nazis weren't so bad after all.

Just think if the cast of Stargate SG1 were midgets then maybe it wouldn't be so shite ..... I'd watch it.

I wonder if priests only diddle children due to the lack of midgets? I smell new research and funding. I just have to get Obama over the whole stigma of me heading all of those Bush think tanks, if only he could have done a third term I was so close to making a choke free pretzel and disproving evolution. I just want to club to death and rip apart all those who think humans came from monkeys, that would mean humans like animals didn't have souls.......... totally un-scientific.

When Obama calls, and oh yes he will. I shall tell him he should go ahead and start using the V-22 Osprey multi-mission, military tiltrotor aircraft because despite its safety record Old Knudsen would trust it to fly any of his beloved readers, its safe as hooses terms and conditions may apply to hooses being safe .

Yes Hilary has learned from the Polish government plane crash and totally has me pussy whipped into getting Obama and Biden on the Osprey.

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Control Is An Illusion

2010-05-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

I was just reading about James and Charlene Sanders who were selling a ring on Craigslist when the men who turned up at their home tied them up at gunpoint and tried to rob them. The father of two ended up breaking free and was shot to death. Charlene Sanders now says "the only reason I can sit here today, is because of my faith in Christ."

On that same news page was the story of a Canadian couple and their two children going missing after a huge sink hole swallowed them and their hoose up while they watched TV bringing the hoose 30ft doon.

Old Knudsen would never suggest the later couple's problem is due to a lack of faith. It was bad luck the Sanders got robbed but good luck Charlene and her two teens lived through it. The Prefontaines who got swallowed up by the ground were just unlucky but hey their two dogs made it out alive, good luck for them until they get to the pound.

The circumstances that makes these situations happen at that very point in time are complex and with the 20/20 of hindsight you can see the connections and the question is why did it have to happen ? is it because shit happens?

There are no safe choices in life there are just reactions to everything you do or don't do. We like to see patterns and like to make sense of things and when you add free will into the equation you have to add the free will of others too .

The Fates, Gogs, Angels and Demons whatever you call the forces around us also have free will, a tarot card reading in the morning may be different in the evening depending on what happened in the time between.

No one can tell the future though some psychics are given glimpses but that doesn't make them true.
Even the Fates, Gogs, Angels and Demons get bored and like to fuck about with the heads of others I know I do.

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Dear Oceans

2010-05-11T10:26:00.001-07:00

A post that is very difficult to write. We've all gone through it at some point in life but Old Knudsen's suffering outweighs yers ten fold because well you are all in Old Knudsen's head and only exist because hes in stasis having terrible dreams about living in America while his body gets repaired after almost dying in the Corporation wars of 2051. Microsoft finally destroyed Apple though a systems error due to a weapons upgrade (it was automatic, the upgrade and the weapon) nearly destroyed us all.
My stasis tube is stolen Apple tech so Old Knudsen got lucky .............. anyways.

The first time was great, hey the second and third weren't too shabby either. Exciting , funny and sexy all Old Knudsen ever wanted. All my needs were catered for and I just lay back and enjoyed the thrill ride. Never predictable with a mind like a maze, I never knew what you were thinking. At the right age to know what I wanted and leave me begging for more..... I cared.

When did things change? was it me? I wanted you more than ever but you no longer cared about anyone but yerself. Having a good time with yer mates never giving me a second thought. Catherine Zeta Jones WTF? certainly wasn't a step up for you I was here eternally hoping you'd change and see sense.
You used to care but now you seem so distant, moved on to the next more interesting thing leaving me discarded like a used toy.

Time healed my pain somewhat though time only closes some wounds which can re-open instantly at a thought or a memory dragging you back to painsville again as if you had never left.
I didn't want to get hurt again but I had the hope of a fool and hoped you had changed and I took the chance and let you into my life again.
At the beginning it was good but then I could tell you were just going through the motions until something else came along.

I have news for you, getting on a bit and not taking me seriously will be yer doon fall. You thought you could do anything and I'd be there for you well I have news for you!

Its over, I gave you a third chance you never deserved and if yer ego can handle this I'm no interested anymore its not me it was you all along, do ya ken?

I'm sick of yer attitude that we are all so blessed to be in the same room as you ....... I'm seeing other DVD's sometimes a different one every night I don't care because now its all about Old Knudsen, work harder if you want my attention but you'll never be in a position to hurt me again because Oceans, its well over.

Weekly News Beating

2010-05-09T16:03:00.001-07:00

A chink who had spent 10 years in the clink was freed after the person he was said to have killed turned up.
Zhao Zuohai had a fight with his neighbour, who then disappeared and 18 months later a headless, decomposed body was found .

Since not even the cuff-links can tell each other apart they rely on forensic evidence ....... only kidding they make them drink chilli-tainted water and set off fireworks above their heads to get a confession and Wey Hey justice served on a bed of fried rice.

Zhao was initially sentenced to death had his sentence commuted to 29 years in prison. While he was in jail, his wife remarried and several of his children were adopted.

"Are you lookin at meski?"

Somali pirates really fucked up big time when they captured a Russian oil tanker. A day after their victory A unit of angry drunken Russian special forces 'Spetsnaz' boarded the ship firing 50 cal weapons and Kung-fu kicking skinnies into next week only pausing to light their cigarettes around the highly flammable tanker.

Under strict orders not to kill the 23 hostages they only killed one pirate as they wanted to take the other ten to Moscow to be found guilty but because of the ghey "imperfections" in international law they had to release them.

Visitors to Brazil have been warned about the 'Vlad the impaler' bats which are a cousin of the vampire bat. Mouth covers are advised if sleeping in rural regions of the cuntry.... ha ha made you look.

Lebanon has claimed the latest victory in the continuing battle with Israel by making the largest serving of hummus. Israel responded by sending in fighter jets killing 12 people, later they apologised and said they thought they meant Hamas.

Before make-up and after make-up.

Rumours that David Cameron and Nick Clegg are the same person have been recently circulating the Interweb. When asked for his opinion Gordon Brown texture like sun was quoted as saying, "What utter nonsense" with his mike still connected he went into the restroom for a pish and let off a fart and was heard to say, "Good arse, I thought you were dead." He later had to personally apologise to people who wear colostomy bags.

David Cameron admitted he was Nick Clegg but an hour later denied he was, ach the usual.

If Vladimir Putin was a woman.

He'd be Claire Forlani (pronounced Fullfanny)

Ulster Unionist leader Sir Reg Empy may have been defeated by crazy DUP preacher the Rev William McCrea a Free Presbyterian minister and gospel singer but we all know Mr Burns, er I mean Empy will have his revenge!!!!

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Something To Think About

2010-05-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

It costs $122.10 to hoose career criminal and serial killer/rapist/torturer Joseph Edward Duncan III a day and that doesn't include the $83,622 on five shrinks, legal experts so far and his $75 an hour private investigator.

In the same county they are cutting 124 full-time teachers in one school district. Go on tell me how screwed up this cuntry is.

Election Promises

2010-05-07T12:23:00.001-07:00

What would you do for a hung parliament?

Join up with me and I'll give you all the hand jobs and dirty Scottish tonguing you want.

No Nick cum to the dark side, let me lube this puppy up and give you a doggy fisting you'll never forget.

Good golly the liberal democrats have never been this popular what should I do?

To be cuntinued.........

Old Knudsen Gets All Racialism On Yer Arse

2010-05-05T00:31:00.000-07:00

As Old Knudsen sits here in America with no need nor want of any form of visa his mind turns to the problem of immigration in his homeland. The UK is facing the problems America has been facing for decades. Fucking immigrants who will work harder and for less than us. It isn't fair so I set up a few violent protests.

Don't worry hooked nosed money lending deity killers yer not the target of this rant though you and the Neo-Nazis are cool now due to holding similar points of view as in who needs to be killed.

I'm no touchin the whole black thing that is well sensitive especially with the slavery card, nah we're just turning the Africans who weren't slaves white, its probably what they want anyway I mean who wouldn't want to be white? Its fucking awesome!

Its those fuckin muzzies thats the problem especially after we invaded them. We want the extremists out and we'll kick in anyones fuck and burn them out to achieve it. Britain is a Christian cuntry of love so fuck away out of it.

What is their fuckin problem why can't they stay home?

Don't forget those pakkis that sell us beer in the corner shop! ok they might also be Indian but unless they wear their feathers I can't fuckin tell.

Immigration has made up more than half of Britain's population growth from 1991 to 2001.

A study of the 2001 Census calculated a 2.2m rise, including 1.14m born abroad. 7.53% of Britain's 2001 population had been born overseas - up from 5.75% in 1991.

It was about 1991 when the Slavs realised the Berlin wall was doon and it was time to move. The census excludes Northern Ireland since that isn't really Britain and no one gives a fuck, anyway the enlightened people of Ulster take care of their own problems by intimidating the filthy Romanian people with threats of violence making them think that maybe Romania wasn't so bad.

Dirty Romanians, imagine having this move in beside you.

Or a dirty Polack, for fucks sake you'd have to be a ghey animal molester to find this attractive, no offense to the ghey horse cock suckers.

Why was Northern Ireland excluded from the study? We had at least a couple of blacks then also some chinks and Pakkis that ran the restaurants.

Poor Northern Ireland with its Protestant majority. Like Scotland and Wales it dated England but now England wants to break up but Northern Ireland pretends it wants to just stay friends but thats a ploy to either get back up with England or fuck it up, 'getting dumped revenge.'

Its over, time to move on and date ugly Ireland ........... you'd fuck it after a few pints but you'd be stupid to commit.

Britain still has a lot to learn from Northern Ireland like what constitutes beauty.

Also how to deal with immigration. You poison the well so they can't drink ......... ok you can't drink either I didn't say it was a smart plan.

As a nation Ulster stands out when it cums to tolerance, we only stole some Irish land in the North east, the Americans stole all the Injun land, learn ya fuckers from our great example! I refuse to be drawn into the whole empire thing as the ungrateful cunts that kicked us out really upset me.

Why do you not want to be ruled by us? Maybe you should look deep within yerself and figure out what yer fuckin problem is. Moments after this picture was taken someone threw a KFC drumstick into the crowd and a deadly chav feeding frenzy began ................. so not cool.

Though many are 3rd class citizens and deserve that mantle especially if they enter a cuntry illegally.
If I lived in a cardboard box with my family and me small children didn't have health care, food or education because the chemical plant closed and put the whole town out of work and people want the little I have and will knife me for it in a heart beat and the police won't care I would patiently apply and made sure I paid the $1000 up front for the papers and made sure I earned $30.000 a year to become a citizen as that is respectful of the cuntry .............. nah just kidding you'd have to be some kind of mong, you do what you have to do fer yer family to survive.

Looks a bit like Jesus don't ya think?

I hope I've shown you the ugly face of immigration, something needs to be done. Its a pity we no longer have great Richard the Lion heart to save us.......... ok he was French and hardly spoke English and was quite anti-Jew, he may have said England was "cold and always raining," and when he was raising funds for his crusade, he was said to declare, "I would have sold London if I had a buyer."

Never mind that, I think we can all agree that non wussy French, Norman, Angle, Saxon, Jutes and Danes are as British as football hooliganism and bad food, its the foreigners we have to deal with.

Look at them no doubt plotting how to kill us.

New York had a recently naturalised US citizen try to blow it up.

If it wasn't for Jack Bauer and his talking penis the city would be fucked but he remembered the Dr Suess One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish and knew what wire to cut with 7 seconds on the clock.

New York is getting as bad a Iraq or even Lurgan these days. Wow imagine someone paying the fees, passing the tests and requirements and swearing an oath just to plant a bomb. Its like a plan or something what should we do? lets waste time and go after the poor families that just want a break in life because if they can't pay they must be cunts!

After this post I'm not sure where I stand.................. oh yeah stop being silly twats and unite against the terrorists and the real criminals in the world . People of whatever colour and language who just want to live in peace get fucked about enough without cunts and their agendas blowing them up.

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Isn't Sandra Bullock Lovely?

2010-05-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

Old Knudsen was just adding pictures to his Sandra Bullock shrine and his thoughts turned back to his Princess Diana shrine, she was lovely wasn't she? ach tugging the lad to the see through skirt picture not at all hampered by the sprogs with her those were indeed the days.

It did take me a while to realise there were kids in this picture.

I came to see that Jesse cunt face dopey looking shite James and the lovely Sandra Bullock are like the American version of Charles and Diana. Not the nit picky details but that he is a twat and she can do no wrong.

The Nazi element is there as it is with the royals, Edward VIII was a close friend to Hitler don't forget and the Royal families real name was Hangover which they changed to Windsor because they like the tie knot so much .

I suppose that makes Camilla Michelle ‘Bombshell’ McGee in other words some ugly ass hoor that wasn't a trade up.

Just an observation. I just hope it is James that dies in a horrible accident as Old Knudsen cannae take another mental break doon.

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250 Million Years Ago Everything Tasted Like Chicken

2010-05-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

Old Knudsen keeps getting letters and telegraphs from all over the world asking him so-called all important questions that Old Knudsen just takes for granted. You know I was one of Gog's fallen angels but I was more like a "I have fallen and I cannae get up" type. My hips were designed mainly for the thrusting of love makin not for getting up when I slip in the bath. Don't go assuming I was taken no baths either.

One question I got was from Toby in Chester: " Hey ya old fucker how come those Jews and Muzzies don't go eating no pork? I fuckin love a bacon sarndie wots there problem?"

A very good question, not as good as why Helen Mirren can only cum during doggy style but still a good question.

The reason goes back 250 million years ago. Man and dinosaur bitterly fought over land. Don't go by what those scientists have to say they weren't there and they get timelines and tanlines confused all the time.

The people called upon Jesus Christ who was a young man living by the sea of tranquility, he had worked out a way how to turn water into wine by the use of grapes and yeast which was truly a miracle but he did like to drink it quite a bit probably because he was Scottish on his father's side.

Jesus had many a dinosaur skull nailed to the wall of his shack since he was a dino slayer but his edge had gone.
He argeed to go out and talk to the dinosaurs and invited many back for peace talks, oh an important fact being that Jesus' father was from the Campbell clan and they cannae be trusted, just ask Ronald McDonald about the massacre at Glencoe and then you'll know why.

After the singing of the sad songs and the 'can ye take a punch' entertainment Jesus and his crew set about the dinosaurs killing them in a crimson slaughter.

The whole lamb of Gog and lamb to the slaughter cums from this but I dinnae wanna confuse ya.

Some of the dinosaur flesh fell onto the fire (which had recently been given to us by Prometheus) and fuck did it smell good, we were sick of eating Mana we bought at the local market over in Heaven so we all got stuck in.

Before long the lust for a good feed over took our fear of dinosaurs and we came up with brilliant ways of killing the beasts (a tradition that has endured) even the crazy Arab mud men started to eat it, we all know Judaism came from Arabs and so it was passed doon to Islam then because of the booming population there was a mass extinction of dinosaurs.

Eating the mammals came along and and those who missed the olden days ate birds like chicken and said, "tastes like raptor" which became a standing joke. People divided and some got sick of chicken and ate lovely pork before you know it holy wars all based on the menu.

You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash.

Through time most of this has been forgotten and now its "tastes like chicken" and now we don't use important reasons like food to hate each other we just hate them for being different which is a lot more civilised. Parents now feed their children Dino chicken nuggets but don't know why, they don't even remember when fish had fingers but serve them up too.

I hope this answered yer question Toby and if have any further questions then google it ya lazy cunt.

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We Cum In Peace

2010-04-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

In a universe of infinite possibilities in which a limp cyborg with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis can get married twice get hot chicks and get taken seriously by the world we see the ultimate wonder that is life................ shit I need to pay the rent.

Oh look the remake of 'V' is on that gives me the inspiration to use someone else's idea. The universe has 100 billion galaxies, each containing hundreds of millions of stars. In such a big place, Earth is unlikely to be the only planet where life has evolved.

“To my mathematical brain, the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational, the real challenge is to work out what aliens might actually be like.”

“If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans.”

Well some got casinos which to Old Knudsen's mind kicks arse and makes up for the genocide.

War of the worlds
The body snatchers
Star Trek: First Contact
Avatar......... ok we were the aliens.
Independence day
Mars attacks
Mrs Doubtfire
The thing
Teenagers from outer space
Signs
They live
Men in black
The faculty
Stargate (TV series)
First wave (TV series)
The Invaders (TV series)
The Tripods (TV series)
Dr Who (TV series)

All indicate that unless we arm up we'll be food for our alien overlords and not even our Chinese overlords can stop them. The American top secret program I myself have worked on 'Operation make everyone fat and ill' in order to put the aliens off us has been a success but a fitness drive could spoil the results thus making us lean , tasty and ready to eat.

People of earth we the visitors cum with peace and love, our breath may smell but all we wish is to cure yer ailments and have sex with you. Our men with their double penis' and a need to cuddle and talk about yer day are eager to meet with yer weemen.

They maybe already here and always have been. Every time the space shuttle cums back what kind of microbe invader has attached itself to the tiles to give us new strains of flu's? What the fuck are they doing putting tiles on a space ship? Yeah we need a nice wee mosaic or back splash its the 21st century where are my fucking force fields?

Lets not give the aliens computer STD's 0r shoot rockets at them lets accept them. " You didn't take out the trash and do you think magic fairies lift your dirty space gunties from the floor? Try aiming at the toilet for a change if I wanted the bathroom green I would have painted it green and when are you going to get a job? my mother was right about you. We never do the glowy finger thing anymore and you only tell me you love me when you're drunk."

"For the sake of Xenu woman shut the fuck up and get me another beer I swore if I could do this all again I would never have invaded your idiotic planet. Also get me a chicken pot pie Glenn Beck is about to come on to Fox, I knew him when he was just an egg on the Mothership.

Stephen Hawking who I up until recently thought was American (because of his mechanical accent) is one of the world's greatest minds or so we are told but what the fuck has he done? Come up with an idea for world peace? invented a super duper armour to help him get about?

Cured aids, ALS stopped world hunger? no he studied sun spots, did some math and yapped about the cosmos with that silly grin on his face. Is Old Knudsen the only one that wants to fuck him up? I'm not afraid to hit a raspberry ripple::::smack::::: not so smart now roller boy.

Well done Arizona you lead the way in the fight against aliens .......... of course the cartels on the border are really fucking you up but since yer national guard are in Afghanistan and Iraq maybe you should think about hiring more police and securing the borders so they'll all move along to New Mexico and Texas, A wall of vigilance to combat the aliens .

I don't want illegal aliens here because they get everything .............. millionaires you know, well according to Glenn Beck. Old Knudsen would feel safer if George Lucas hadn't fucked up Ronald Reagan's Star wars program.

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Un- Cool Aid

2010-04-29T00:28:00.000-07:00

Maybe making criminals do community service work isn't such a good idea.

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Feel Free To Go Fuck Yerself

2010-04-28T16:52:00.000-07:00

Old Knudsen feels the need to weigh in on the complete balls up British Prime Minister Gordon Brown texture like sun made after he spoke to a 66 year-old former lollipop lady on one of his walkabouts in the dirty sin ridden area of northern England known as Rochdale.

Gillian Duffy a widow at first heckled Brown before she got to talk to him. She talked to him in the similar way Old Knudsen has heard Americans speak, Old Knudsen being white and British the people here forget that he is an immigrant and so speak freely. She said: "In Falinge, we have all kinds of immigrants living there and at one of the schools, there are 18 languages spoken. There are a lot of Polish people as they have shops opened for them. We are not saying it is a bad thing, but we don't want people coming to live here and claiming benefits."

Yeah um I'm not saying Poles are bad but not in our backyard , we still have all those blacks that came over in the 50's.

Old Knudsen does think that if you move to another cuntry in which the majority speak a language then learn to speak it but in schools with differently aged children that may not be so easy. We are all immigrants or children of immigrants so fuck up and get over it the world is getting smaller.
I get told over here about Mexicans getting all the welfare benefits, I guess they must get special treatment cos Old Knudsen doesn't qualify for anything, in fact the born and bred Americans are lucky to get anything................ its not a socialist state you know, no council houses here and the government doesn't give a fuck.

After the talk with Mrs Duffy Brown got into his car but forgot he still had his mike attached.

Some of his conversation with an aide was caught on tape "That was a disaster – they should never have put me with that woman, she was just a bigoted woman."

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Well she is 66 so how the fuck does the 18 languages in school effect her? Just collect yer government pension and wait to die like the rest of us.

The shock is that Gordon Brown texture like sun didn't like her and possibly the way she referred to the million Eastern Europeans flocking to the UK and no doubt he didn't want a straight forward conversation in public with an angry woman.

He has since been apologising to anyone who will listen especially Mrs Duffy.

The UK doesn't have free speech so any conversation or point of view is subject to scrutiny unlike the USA when then Vice President Dick Cheney told a Senator to "Go fuck himself" when questioned about all the shady business Cheney put towards Haliburton.

If only we had free speech in the UK then it wouldn't be such a big deal, "Oye Mr Brown, wot about all thems nig nogs, fuzzies, muzzies and slavs that live in Britain, can we not build a fence to keep them out or at least lock them up on the Isle of Man and bomb it along with the poofters?"

"Thank you for your question now GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

If this is the silly thing that lets the Conservatives win the election Old Knudsen will personally punch Mrs Duffy on the back of the head. I can say that as right now I'm in free America, unless you are an Obama aide who tells a Jewish joke of course then it isn't so free.

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Review Of 24

2010-04-28T00:39:00.000-07:00

Agent Jack Bauer works for the Counter Terrorist Unit or (CTU) and he is not to be trifled with. Old Knudsen hasn't had trifle in years ach the things you think about while on prescription drugs.
Recently I started to watch the TV show 24. Its been on since 2001 so I thought I'd now see what its like. It has to be the most un-intentionally funny/stupid show there is. Everything happens in an hour and fair play to them they can really fuck things up in an hour.

The selling point to me for watching this show was Dana Walsh as played by Katee Sackhoff.

She plays a psychotic double agent that glared 'evil eyes' just before she killed someone to preserve her cover.

Katee and I have had a love affair ever since she frakking well played Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica, she doesn't know about it but some day she will be mine!

The head of the CTU is Chloe O'Brien who goes around with a face that looks like an angry teenager about to stomp off to her room. Like the love child of a goblin and an elf.

Freddie Prince Jr is an agent who to be honest doesn't look too healthy, working out too much maybe and what the fuck is up with that hat? who do you think you are?

They had a black president and now a female president, like that could happen. President Allison Taylor tells everyone of developments as they happen then wonders how the enemy got the best of her, she can be talked into anything and in fact her Vice preez just resigned because of it.

They hero of the show Jack Bauer is the only man alive that can make Chuck Norris cry, one episode he won't be able to shoot shit and the next he gets them with every shot. Not afraid to over act Jack Bauer has lived on the edge and laughed at it.

"You don't know what I'm capable off, I said half pepperoni and half mushroom or I'll kill you and your family, got it? oh and some bread sticks with extra marinara sauce please."

Watch this to see his most funny/dramatic scene.

"You don't know what I'm capable of, just tell mom to have my jeans washed and dried by tomorrow or I'll kill you both." You didn't really think I'd put a Youtube up did you?

"You don't know what I'm capable off, work the shaft and swallow the gravy or I'll kill all that are dear to you."

"I am Jack's angry penis, you don't know what I'm capable of."

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Four Score And Elevenityseven Years Ago

2010-04-27T00:31:00.000-07:00

Abraham Lincoln was born 1809 (6:09 pm) in a log cabin near the town of Buttfuck Kentucky. Like other boys he often got into trouble. One time he chopped doon a cherry tree with his big chopper just for kicks. His parents were mightiful angry as that was their main source of food. "I cannot tell a lie" said young Abe in a shrill high pitched voice (unlike the ones actors give him these days) "It was Toby Old man Knudsen's slave."

Toby whose real name was Cuntykinky La Forge denied everything which as we all know is the first sign of guilt, he was flogged for hours until a bright light made him disappear into thin air .

Lincoln felt bad at the lie and the loss of the slave and so decided from then on to be honest Abe .

After a lot of studying he got his law license and became a cunt. He used to keep important papers in his hat along with his lunch and a 6 pack of beer.

He dated Mary Todd who gave the best blowjobs in Kentucky, trust me on this, after they married she stopped doing them of course. He needed a hobby and so became president.

Since he wasn't getting any head he started to work out . He didn't believe in slavery and unlike other presidents before him had no slaves. Some think he went to war with South America because of slavery but he had stated that he wanted breathing room in other words the land in the south and said if slaves are freed and we beat the south then good but if they aren't freed oh whatever.
Being a Republican he believed he had a mandate but his wife never found out and he finally got some head.

Lincoln won the war against the south when he nuked Brazil and celebrated by going to the theater to see 'Whoops up yer skirt' .

There was a gun shot and a man jumped from Lincoln's box, it was the actor Powers Booth star of Red Dawn and Southern Comfort, some heard him shout " Sic semper tyrannis" which is Gheylick for 'thus always to tyrants' but others heard. Its that cunt Old Knudsen.

Its true that a Scotchman holds a grudge until revenge is exacted or he dies. Old Knudsen had the alibi of taking a group of orphans to Horse camp at the time of the murder and even though young athletic Toby was a great slave he says he did not to harbour any ill will towards that cunt of a president .
Old Knudsen became spiritual advisor to the next president Andrew Johnson, it was Knudsen's advice that made Johnson buy Alaska, actually that was a wee joke, how the fuck could anyone know there was gold and oil in that ice box?

In 1875 Johnson died of a stroke, it was his 18th stroke in a row, Old Knudsen said "doing that at yer age will kill ya you damned dirty American" but Johnson didn't listen all he did was look up with a smile and said "Im coming" then he died obviously having seen the angels of Heaven.

The facts are cloudy but this is how Old Knudsen remembers it. I left out the car chase to give the post some pace oh and I hate orphans....... needy wee fuckers.

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Boobquake The End Of The World

2010-04-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was sitting on the shitter pinching off a loaf towards Mecca and came up with the reason why the world has earthquakes. No not shifting tectonic plates as that sounds fucking daft no it is because of weemen getting on like hoors.

By George I think hes got it!

“Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes,’’ said Sedighi as he wiped his arse with his American flag loo roll and licked his fingers clean as is their way.

Jennifer McCreight a US student set up “Boobquake” a Facebook page and she has enlisted more than 50,000 women (at the time of this writing) who are promising to show as much cleavage as possible on Monday, April 26. And if the world doesn’t then collapse, then Sedighi will have to admit he was wrong and clerics know less than Old Knudsen's shite.

Old Knudsen knows that a promise made by a woman doesn't really count as they have no souls and probably do cause earthquakes but wouldn't it be great if weemen all around the world showed off their boobs in a show of unity? I've been trying for years and will change my begging tactic to one of scorn, sorry but I thought weemen were too smart to fall for this old trick otherwise I would have done it years ago.

Old Knudsen will of course help to end the world with cleavage and scantily clad weemen. News just in Sedighi also said that hot chicks making out causes tornadoes and if weemen sex anyone up whose name is Old Knudsen the world will shift on its axis. Lets prove the fucker wrong yet again.

I bet Sedighi is praying for an earthquake today and hey wouldn't it be shite if he was right?

To think, the volcano and earthquakes that go on in Iceland are due to weemen using their evil powers of seduction on us poor helpless men and not because Iceland sits upon the join where two tectonic plates meet. Weemen should maybe change their ways, did you know that 96% of rapes around the world have a woman involved? I shit you not and I stand by that statistic 24% of the time.

I'm starting to feel something myself but I don't think its a quake.

If this picture doesn't cause some kind of natural disaster then I don't know what will.

While we're in Iran:

Three University of California Berkeley graduates who were hiking in Iraq were taken prisoner by Iran when they used the old, 'they were in our territory' excuse. Didn't we show you were lying cunts when you used that one to detain 15 British servicemen and one ugly woman in 2004?

Josh Fattal, Shane Bauer and Sarah Shourd have been held for 9 months and Bauer and Shourd are in poor health. For fucks sake its Berkeley, they are fucking hippy types no doubt vegans too of course they are going to get ill.
I'd advise the Iranian government to let these 3 kids go , you haven't charged them with anything and you have no good reason to keep them, if they die on yer watch Old Knudsen may have to get his crew together and take you doon.

Listen up Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, if that is indeed a real name and not a disease, I know its the silly season for churches to talk through their arses, but how about wising the fuck up? Islam used to be the religion of enlightenment and learning now its a shag yer camel free for all. Quit getting on like the Vatican with the ridiculous blog fodder, release the people you have jailed for no good reason or..........

You force me to post yet more and more of these destructive pictures until a quake hits Iran and turns it into a sand box from which yer prisoners can just walk out of.

Do you think I enjoy pictures of these barely clad weemen?

You force my hand sir!

NOW ULSTER/SCOTS BOOBIES!!!!!

Old Knudsen is so secure in his sexuality whatever it is terms and conditions may apply that he will do anything that some so-called real men wouldn't (grabbing balls is acceptable in a fight, but licking them isn't) why does he have a bra in his possession? for religious reasons........... Thor and Loki both dressed in drag and so it is fine to honour them and like the way it feels too. Jesus wore nappies (diapers) so stop with the fucking judging. What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? I could tell ya but you'd be horrified.

For Boobquake day this will be Old Knudsen's Facebook profile picture ........ ok let the mongs begin.
"Why don't you look old?" Nice of you to say, I work out, moisturise and just had a Hollywood skin peel. I peeled the skin of many a young runaway in Hollywood, did you know that in Hollywood 95% of waiters are struggling actors? not surprising as from my experience they are all drama queens...Ka-Chow! Manuel.
Back to dumb questions I so you don't have to bother to ask them. "Why are you so white"? Its awesome isn't it , why are you so stupid? "Why would you post such horrible pictures?" Old Knudsen thought the bloke with the bottle up his arse was worse. "Why can't we see yer nipples" Well Facebook has a problem with weemen having topless pictures but not men so to support Boobquake and my 'Facebook are nipple Nazis group' I covered them besides its not like they do anything ............... ok the left one may give out a quart of milk every 3 months and the right one weeps blood at Easter but thats it.

A note to MJ, you really do not have to post a link to my arse picture in the comments.

Ok then has the world ended is this thing still on?

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Old Knudsen's Boobquake Support

2010-04-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

Get ready for Ragnarok my friends. Boobquake the shot in the eye for the Iranian clerics who says hoorishly dressed weemen are responsible for the worlds earthquakes.

Old Knudsen will join in the thousands of weemen who have decided to show their cleavage on Facebook and blogs and will 'really' show his own baps in support.

Monday 26th, get em out to say fuck you Iran and give me something to wank over. I dare you.........

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Heroes Of The Future

2010-04-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sure we're all very grateful that Flash Gordon saved the world a few times from Ming the Merciless and his farts of doom! I also know we appreciate all our freedoms too. If Ming was in charge we'd all have numbers since the day we were born in order to track us and we couldn't even move from cuntry to cuntry without passport containing a computer chip, our computers and laptops would upgrade and doonload without asking us and our phones would sneakily dial the Interweb giving Ming and his rape gangs our information.

We are all grateful to Flash and totally understand how his cock could fall out of his short shorts and only seems to happen when the schools get out. Old Knudsen just wonders why he prefers to use a Volerian penis gun to fight with.

Lets discuss how Fred Kowalczyk went on from being a humble Carpenter to becum Buck Rogers porn star and hero of the future ............... sorta like the tale of Jesus but more believable.

The weemen in the 25th century are tall ,sexy and wear lip gloss, they are also built like 12 year-old boys hubba hubba.

The robots have penis shaped heads and an attitude. "Bidi bidi bidi go fuck up a rope piss stick you fat hairy cuntpop and western listening caveman twat!"

Kowalczyk's later character of Skip Intercourse 'Space leader' though a favourite then president Ronald Reagan was a failure and canceled in the middle of the first season. He went on to developing Tad Horny which gained cult status with the Heaven's gate UFO religion group until 1997.
Tad's straight to x-rated DVD tagline was, "I'm going in fast and hard, this could get messy".

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Smell Me I'm Irish

2010-04-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

We all have to do things that aren't pleasant , things we would really not want to do, but thats enough of yer Ma!

The reader of this blog should know whats happening in Old Knudsen's life but I'll remind him/her/it about my future events cos blog readers have the attention span of an American child.

Oh lordy nice cold water with yer white muffins of love begging Old Knudsen to take a bite.

What was I saying? um oh yeah pay attention ya ADHAD fuckwits or you'll taste the tip of me bayonet.
Old Knudsen had to bribe a few Irish officials with some bags of spuds in order to jump the 50,000 back log at the Irish passport office.

Maybe ya should get some connections and lean on a few important bog trotters. Lines and back logs are not for Old Knudsen he is the front of the line kinda guy. If you take yer turn in America you get branded a Socialist, well they really mean Communist but Yanks aren't too bright, too much Foxy news watching, which is like listening to Ben Affleck on who to vote for.

Its official I'm now a muck savage. I had to prop it open with the mag from me rifle that killed 400 Bosche at the battle of little big man during the Cold war as the passport was as stiff as Old Knudsen when he wakes up everyday.

So fuck ye all ya Plastic Paddies and 2nd Class Brit wanna be's , you can dye yer hair and watch Celtic woman while you claim yer grandfather was Irish ............ from Chicago on his Granada's side and you don't know which part of Ireland.

Old Knudsen is the real thing or 'ting' as they say in gheylick. In order of importance I now have a Scottish passport that refuses to be stamped by the English, an Ulster passport that says "No Surrender"when opened but is very insecure about its identity and so lashes out in tantrums, a British passport that wants nothing to do with the other ones and now an Irish one that is lazy as fuck and smells like pish, no wait maybe that smell is cumming from me. I have sent my money away and will soon have a Nigerian passport as a sort of retreat plan if necessary.

Here is my stock pile of weapons which I will destroy/sell on E-bay if the British government pays me one million pounds, none of those Euro things as I don't believe them to be real money.

No seriously pay for my plane ticket or I'll have to blow something up and get deported, my motherland is calling me, "Oh oh the green fields and rolling hills, where I first set eyes upon me sweet Eileennnnnn"

See whats happening I'm singing songs about Ireland ignoring all its third world (turd world in gheylick) short cummings.

Next I'll be getting drunk, swearing a lot and picking fights .............. no really its almost noon time to get started.

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Lost .......... In Belfast

2010-04-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

Previously on Lost:

Stranded in Belfast because all airline flights are cancelled around Europe because of the evil Icelanders and their volcano .

You see Charlie we are all in comas on an alien spaceship and this reality is playing out on the ship's computer, the smoke monster was the sun reflecting off the volcanic ash from Iceland and only my body died because I am now a cyborg .

You like to blow shit up? well the volcano blew its ash money shot all over you. Look how hot I am baby, check out my new adult profile on Facebook, friend me good and hard go on poke me.

But what about the polar bear and why is Hurley still so fat?

Don't fuck with me you little obbit its destiny, fate or some such shite.

I knew you didn't know ya baldy cunt.

Dude I'm just big boned and I don't like sports unless there is fried chicken involved.

I don't see nae fuckin ash!

Ben and the others are out there causing the ash with their outside smoking.

No its not about the ash, the city wants something from us and won't let us go until we vote for the DUP. Just vote DUP for unity we'll get rid of the others and live in peace.

I spent my whole life trying to get approval from my father and doubting I could be the best I could be ................ held back by my own fear but now that I'm trapped in Belfast damn do I feel soooo superior.
Hey why is everyone so white and puffy? wanna touch my abs?

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Big Barney Rubble In Little China

2010-04-18T13:31:00.000-07:00

Monk in foreground, Chinese rescue workers hard at work in their lovely clean gear while a Chinese military man sorts out his camera. "Oy monk don't walk into the scene!"

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So there was a wee 7.1 magnitude earthquake in China's Qinghai province on Wednesday. For those that don't get out too much that area used to be Tibet with a load of Mongols moving in during the 18th century.
In 1928 and then really super officially in 1949 China invaded and took it over for its own good, ach go watch the film Seven years in Tibet if ya can stand Brad Pitt's Austrian accent which was terrible but better than the Norn Iron one he did in The Devil's Own:

"One man trapped by destiny, and another bound by duty. They're about to discover what they're willing to fight, and to die for."

I'm too sexy for the RA!

I've never seen an IRA terrorist as pretty as Pitt, to be honest they are usually shouting "please don't kill me I was diddled by priests its not my fault I'm a murdering coward" with tears doon their faces and shit stains in their y-fronts. Ach did I get off track ? try to focus ya cunts.

So Tibet .......... the Chinese hate them but being commie bullies like to be in charge of a poor mountainous region that is of no use except its another part of the world they can own and it gives them an expendable no mans land to protect its real borders.

As soon as the quake happened hundreds of Tibetan monks and nuns were on the scene giving what relief they can and pulling bodies from the rubble. Now holy men may be total tit-heads but unlike the holy men of the Vatican these Buddhist monks don't make excuses they talk the talk and walk the walk just like those in the Burma protests so fair play to them .

Chinese soldiers and rescue workers have been mostly only digging bodies out of official Chinese buildings and schools, they are more eager to guard their own shit than dig but what can you expect its a 90% Tibetan region ....
The monks have been doing most of the work and are the only ones digging out people in the hooses.

Only official media allowed but Old Knudsen has his sources doon at Panda Express where the egg rolls flow free for Old Knudsen.
When the cameras turn up the soldiers get off their arses and send the monks packing and are seen to be the ones pulling the bodies out..... ah propaganda don't ya love it? memo to Bush, wear an open necked blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

Unlike the monks many rescue workers can't handle the altitude like they gave a fuck anyway.

The Chinese President Hu Jintao showed up at the same time as a load of government aid did and in front of the cameras hugged crying people and wrote in chalk on a blackboard in a makeshift school in a tent "There will be new schools! There will be new homes!"

He didn't say where they would be as now is a great time for China to move broken ethnic Tibetan families to more chinky regions to get rid of them.

Don't worry Americans with you getting over all caring Socialist health care which you often confuse with cunty Communism you can still be total wankers just like the chinks. During Katrina the government was under no obligation to help but it was expected and media pressure made it so. Why would they help? its not a socialist cuntry, ach ya want it all but not pay for it.

Oh sorry its Tibet Not Norman Tebbit the English MP who this year violently kicked a chinky child who wore a Chinese dragon costume during a Chinese New Year parade.... silly twat!

Who gives a fuck its Tibet? What about those cunty Icelanders and their volcano ash? now that is serious I mean who wants ugly American tourists stuck in Ye Olde London .......... England for any longer than they have to be? "I'm an American damn it I should be airlifted out by the space shuttle, McCain wouldn't have let this happen, damn you Obama!"

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Obama Loves Fried Chicken

2010-04-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

The Tea Party movement's feelings are hurt, they don't like the label they are getting of being racists, homophobes and morons.
Old Knudsen really can't think how this came about unless its a slur by dirty Liberals or because the Tea party movement are a bunch of racist, homophobic morons you know , yer average Republican type.

Getting yer fear coated news via Fox News or rather the opinions of those ranting on that non-news channel.
For years Old Knudsen has heard how the immigrants get everything and has wondered how he has missed out for so long ............. oh because its a lie.

Old Knudsen (an immigrant) has gotten fuck all help from the government of Mr Bush or Mr Obama and only got obstacles to trying to get anywhere. Its very telling of a cuntry that will charge you thousands to become a citizen or get health care but will give you a free IRS number if you want one so you can pay taxes, isn't that special?

Why do Americans say "fuck"and are shocked when you say "cunt"? The Dark knight came out in 2008 so Bush didn't suffer much from this image that was a poorly thought out dig at Obama.

It was nothing to do with him when some twat thought about doing this. That makes the above woman a fucktard.......... sure I'd give her one after a few pints but only because I bet shes a super freak.

There I fixed yer sign for ya. Imagine being a ghey black Nazi out of the closet, ok that exercise in empathy is over.

Equality for all but I had better have more so the cunstituion says. Wrote at a time when weemen didn't have the vote and nig nogs were slaves, how fucking stupid do you have to be to take that seriously, more sense in taking the bible literally.

So you kicked the Brits out because you wanted to line the pockets of yer own people, how is that working out for ya? fuck I have always hated paying taxes but it has to be done. When Americans have to pay taxes they cry like babies which is why the cuntry is in a shit puddle and the kids are growing up with poor education and not much hope.

Don't complain about overpaying for something complain as to why whatever it is costs so much to start with......... generic for the people!

Teamwork takes practice but since this cuntry is already divided you'll be sitting ducks for the Chinese invasion when the billions of young men in the RED army reach the height of horniness due to the lack of chink weemen.

Get sorted out America and stop being part of the problem.

Iceland Exports Ash

2010-04-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

Jack looks more worried than usual. He knows the island needs him but hes fucked if hes gonna eat pished on sheep eye balls or horse dumplings.

Iceland a nation of 320,000 people and a land of contradiction no maybe it isn't. Once invaded by the British then passed round to the Yanks like the village bike they people are a happy lot prone to knitting , alcoholism and axe throwing . An interesting diet of sheep arse lips and rotten fish has the average Icelander living to the ripe old age of 58 and when an Icelander dies all of the 320,000 people who are all related cum out to see his longboat sail out in a blaze of flames.

Speaking of flames the volcano under the Eyjafjallajokull glacier has erupted causing melting ice and smegma to gush doon and flood lowland areas. Hundreds of people and sheep have been evacuated . The other concern is the Katla volcano under the vast Myrdalsjokull ice cap which might blow too.

If fact Old Knudsen believes it will since that eruption with disrupt air traffic between Europe and North America.
Anything that can go wrong with me getting to my homeland will happen, hey Jesus had it tough too ................. not that I'm saying Old Knudsen is Jesus, I'm no stupid long haired sandal wearing hippy.
If someone smacks you on the cheek you don't turn the other one you put yer guard up and knock 10 shades of shit out of them, if you let folk push you around you'll end up listening to the voices in yer head and get tortured to death.

Pall Einarsson, a geophysicist at the University of Iceland, said "Hertigertum hiddle fergun snatsum." Well said sir.

I hope my Northern Muse peep is faring her economy and island collapsing, it really does soon like Ireland just throw in some pedos .............. into the volcano I mean. Keep an eye on the horizon for longboats just in case 320,000 vikings have to go somewhere.

Hate Mail Yay!

2010-04-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

So Old Knudsen defender of whatever needs defending saw this AOL story on Facebook about how the gheys couldn't get 700,000 signatures to get ghey marriage out in the voting booths again in Callyfornia. Remember when prop 8 in 2008 decided that, " Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."?

Support for prop 8 was heavily funded by the Mormon church/fad and many black voters also backed prop 8 swaying the vote against ghey marriage. So much for civil rights, MLK jnr ya failed.
This is the first I've heard about the petition and I firmly believe that all you meat sacks should have equality and even if I don't like you I shall fight for yer rights...... Of course pedos, Nazis, murderers and rapists should be destroyed, there are enough fucktards making trouble without that lot and they have given up their rights by their actions in my opinion.

So I got my first bit of Facebook hate mail from a Thomas Patrick who is a Colonel Sanders looking fucker holding a foo foo dog. He Joined Congrats America, Communists now Control Congress group and is a fan of The Colorado PT Cruiser Club and Moments in Bible Prophecy, a real deep thinker type.

The comments in the AOL post turned religious even though it was about a civil matter and knowing me I turned on me charm as usual, I did use the old 'Judge not, that ye be not judged' gem.
After I had judged they were all mongs of course and said so for taking the Bible literally.

My Facebook hate mail message was:

Mr when you wake up burning in hell, you will be a believer then. Sad to be such an unbeliever.

Old Knudsen believes in many Gogs so he has totally misjudged me. For Old Knudsen hell is other people and still being in America, yes I shall burn this summer.

My not well thought out reply was:

I believe, I believe yer a prick who will wake up in Heaven with a pedo priest wiping his knob on yer coat.

In Argentina 1965 Adolf Hitler begged for Gog's forgiveness and pished himself as he looked doon the barrel of my 1911 .45 cal pistol from the business end of it so he'll be up in Heaven too, what a flawed system it is.

Different Rules For Different Fools

2010-04-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

I was putting the world to rights with William Holden and Mao Tse-Tung last night and into the wee hours over a case of Bud Light and several bottles of Rumplemintz. Angelina had left early because Brad was minding the kids which meant he was probably drunk or stoned on the couch.

The Chairman was getting angry because every time I'd doon a Bud light beer I'd yell, "to infinity and beyond" and since I didn't know how to say fuck off in cufflink I just kept doing it.

Old Knudsen came to the conclusion that he really really hates liars. Who hasn't been burned by people lying to yer face? I don't mean the exaggerating some or you 'yes I know who you are' do on yer blogs cos yer not fooling anyone I mean harmful fuck you lies which seem to go along with hypocrites that think they are better than you and so it doesn't matter if they lie to you.

Certain religions as they proselytise or fend of accusations are allowed to lie to people outside of their faith cos 'YOU' are going to burn and aren't in the right 'we are going to Heaven' club.

This brings me to Republican State Senator of Callyifornia's 18 district Roy Ashburn. Seen swerving in and out of traffic in the wee hours driving his state-issued vehicle on a suspended drivers license he was picked up and found to be over the blood alcohol limit.

Recently a police chief named Russell Leach was drinking at a topless bar on Super Bowl Sunday before he crashed his city-owned Chrysler and drove three miles on the rims.
He was pulled over by his own police officers just before 3 a.m. after he struck a light pole and a fire hydrant. The peelers did not perform a field sobriety test and recommended no further action.

Hey the Chief has been busting my balls all day for results in the BTL murder case. Oh and lets help him bury a body in case charges don't stick with the drunk driving.

Leech didn't know his tires were gone or that he had crashed a few times, the sparks of driving on his rims or the impacts had no impact on him.
He went on medical leave and said he was disoriented from his prescription medication. His wife wasn't at the titty bar but I'm sure she understood or she'd have more of the domestic violence he wasn't charged with in 2005.

If is wasn't for DUI's (Driving under the influence) we'd never find out what arseholes whose in power really are, we can speculate but until then we don't know.

Leech who has to do abuse programs, home detention and pay fines didn't even have to attend his hearing. Being a police chief he has spoken out about drunk driving so the hypocrisy is ripe though no real punishment ........

Back to Ashburn. Due to rumours of having been in a ghey bar on the night of his arrest and having a young male friend in his car Ole Roy finally came out and told everyone he was a ghey boy-toy.

No way dude yer a divorced father-of-four who has voted against ghey issues like anti-discrimination laws. How can you have four kids and have been married ? Oh I see hes a Roman Catholic he probably thinks well once you divorce anything after that is wee buns and doesn't count.

William Holden was fine about the drinking but got tight lipped about the gheyness, Chairman Mao was writing things doon in his little red book about ripping out all the other crops and planting nothing but corn for fuel.

Old Knudsen doesn't care if you are a flaming homo who likes a drink but if yer a leader in the community wise the fuck up and stop thinking yer personal life is separate because when it suits you the wife and 4 kids are no doubt paraded for the cameras 'a la' Palin.
Cars kill more people than guns every year and if Old Knudsen went out drunk with a weapon he didn't have a license for he'd get shot by the peelers. Fucking double standards.

Stop fucking lying and accepting back handers and lead by example ya cunts!

I had to put this picture up as every post should contain a hot woman. I'd really like to take a dump on Lucy Loo's tits a hot lunch I believe the kids call it but think its sad how socially unacceptable it is but driving drunk in yer state owner car is bad but not too bad but thats repressed America for ya. Hot lunches for all.

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Polish President In Plane Crash

2010-04-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

Oh c'mon Russia doesn't give a shit anymore enough to be subtle about who it kills and you know why? because when you put two of the world's most powerful men Vlad the sexual impaler Putin and Simon is he ghey or just English Cowell in charge of one of the most powerful fuck the consequences cuntries you'll get ego trips. No one tells Russia what to do.

The Polish president Mr Lech Kaczynski was due to visit Smolensk to mark the 70th anniversary of the Katyn massacre when his plane crashed.

To jog yer memory that was when Stalin was more on the side of the Nazis and agreed with Hitler in 1939 to invade Poland from the east while the Germans invaded from the west . Soviet troops killed 22,000 Polish soldiers of all ranks and any other influential members of society they could find and threw them into mass graves with bodies 12 deep.
Kill the talent and the leaders so the people will be broken while the Nazis killed and raped as a matter of military policy on the other side.

The Soviets denied the whole thing until 1990 when Gorbachev fessed up and classified papers were released. A wee blight for the Russians who had censored the whole episode from their history.

Russian media reported that 87 people were killed in the crash, it is not yet known if anyone survived. The Polish Foreign Ministry said the president and his wife were aboard the plane.

Putin was at the forest apologising for the whole event of 1940 in order to look good. Who will say boo even if he looked bad? Arms agreement, apologising for something you didn't actually do yep the Russians are golden.

"Call that a murder? OJ did a better job at looking Innocent, what do you say Paula?"

If Mr Kaczynski is alive which I doubt as the KGB er sorry I mean the FSK are pretty good at their jobs he'll be in a guglag to be swiftly released due to pressure put on the Russians by this blog.
Yes Old Knudsen may smell of piss but the world leaders listen - ish.............. Nah hes a gonerski.

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Up The Bum No Babies

2010-04-09T00:55:00.000-07:00

Lets us just reflect on two words 'Family values' what do these words mean? Back in the 30's it would mean how much an Arab was willing to pay for a family but now it means being the Waltons or some shite like that.
Family values is as much of a lie as Family sized, ever get a family sized bargain meal and wonder what fucking family are tiny enough to live off it?

All families have their fuck ups or black sheep. The alcoholic parent or the uncle you don't let the children near or wee Bobby, there is just something not right with that boy.

Politicians use 'Family values' to suggest they are good Christan folk that raise their children firm but fair in a loving environment. Just because you are Christan doesn't mean yer good and a high powered political job doesn't seem like it would go too well with raising a family otherwise disgraced politicians wouldn't use leaving to spend time with their family as an excuse.

Politicians lie for a living go on ask one I bet they lie.

The above picture shows you political family values, on the surface God fearing people who stand about and hug alot but really its strong minded control freaks out to fool you to get votes. Did it work? did you vote McCain and Palin? slap yerself you fucking mong.
Old Knudsen hoped McCain was a man of honour but it turned out not to be so and Old Bitter Balls backed Obama as he was the not so bad choice.

If you've followed my blog over the years you'll notice the pattern of me blogging and the world doing . America would be far less Communist if it wasn't for Old Knudsen but Palin being a Dan Quayle type would have been great blog fodder. A lazy negro isn't as funny as a fucktard whitey.

Sarah Palin is anti-abortion so what? She does love the cock though. At the age of 44 she had a baby named Trig named after a person I believe and not Trigonometry or Roy Rodger's horse Trigger.
Even though she is anti-abortion she had him tested and was told he would have Doon syndrome.
Maybe sorta hoping a miscarriage would happen naturally she got on a plane while 8 months pregnant and feeling contractions and flew to Dallas to give a speech.

Yeah a terrible thing to suggest but I'm not seeing family values here, the speech was very important to her and to quote, "I was not going to miss that speech."

Bristol Palin Sarah's cock craving daughter got up the duff aged 17 the young man Levi Johnston said he'd do the right thing which Mrs Palin and Mr McCain decided would be a shotgun wedding.
Not very shocking in the real world since it happens all the time and Levi was no doubt promised big things when they won so the young couple played happy families.

When the then still unwed 18 year old Bristol was going into labour Levi's own mother was facing six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance the poor lad .

Of course Obama won and Levi was let off the hook, he didn't wanna finish school never mind get stuck with that crowd. Stick yer dick in a lass and feel her tits what could possibly go wrong and who thinks that far ahead anyway?

Bristol wants young people to learn from her penis addiction and has commercials on how hard it is to be a single parent even with rich parents.

She never uses the word mistake and doesn't regret being a mom at 18 but also says, " that if girls knew how tough it was to be a mom, they'd think twice about having sex." So its worth it then if you like children?

Teenagers are a very empathic, introspective lot Old Knudsen has found and so seeing this stupid tart who doesn't have to worry about her rent preach fear to them about how hard her life is will probably work as so many will be able to relate to her .......... not!

Now Bristol has decided on abstinence until she is married or until a well packed pair of Levis walk past.
Like shutting the barn door after yer eggs are in one basket.

Lets get Charlie Sheen to explain why drugs are bad or what Tiger Woods has learned about marriage.

"After a tough day on the course I like to hire weemen to join me in a drug and drink fuelled orgy in which I push their JCB starter button nipples and growl like a tiger, you should never let yer wife find out as that way leads to DOOM."

Great advice lad.

Old Knudsen resents getting played by the Palins and others as only a complete moron would care what these out of touch wankers had to say. Yes I do mean Fox News viewers.

We all make mistakes in life but its how we handle them after they are made that counts. When Bristol gets some balls and her own place she can write a book about her dysfunctional family and earn enough money to not have to be yet another two faced role model.

Maybe she'll settle doon with some rich throbbing Cockmaster who will teach her that anal beats abstinence and that naming yer son Tripp will get the head beat off him at school ........... or at least it should.

Exercise 'Magic Drug' for Depression

2010-04-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

Away and fuck! this is the 21st century I want the magic drug for depression to cum in the form of a tasty pill oh and in a cup with 5 different flavours and fuck away off with yer cherry flavour only wankers like cherry and you can quote me on that.

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