Monday, 18 December 2017

I Like It When They Lay Still

Old Knudsen recently had yet another brush with death. It involved a tube of superglue and a female tiger at the Belfast zoo. It was one of those ideas that made perfect sense at the time ... anyways it's still fresh so I don't want to talk about it.

Death .... while I haven't seen any evidence that I can actually die I have thought about mortality.  Years ago in SoCal I knew this redneck guy that wore crappy jeans held up by braces. He liked guns and was a lawn Nazi, he also called black people piccaninnys. 

Toby as I'll call him cos that sounds soft as shite got bowel cancer. He went on for years complaining about everything and getting into people's business. He hated it when people said "hot enough for you?" so I made sure I said this.

Eventually they wheeled him out on the trolley in a burgundy coloured body bag. At his funeral service you'd think that the best guy in the world had died. All these people that I had never seen at his home got up and shared their lovely stories about Toby. Even a black dude got up to say how great he was.

Where was the racist rednecked lawn Nazi that would point out how your car needed washed? Where was the guy that banged on my door to show me that my rose petals had blown onto his garden? I shrugged and said it was potpourri .... he was not impressed. 

On Sulawesi, an Indonesian island east of Borneo they dig up their family members and make them look good to keep them in their memories ... If I saw my granny at the door I wouldn't forget that in a hurry. If my parents turned up there had better not be a strong wind as they were cremated. Looking good Ma, lost weight? Is that a new pot? Makes you look 140 years younger.

Even after 7 years of death Paul could still get the ladies. Nice and stiff

So the point to all this is ... Old Knudsen has a point? That's a new one.  All these people that died suddenly became lovely kind people with any faults forgotten.

Is it wrong to speak ill of the dead? People speak ill of the living all the time and guess what, the dead won't hear all the insults and won't kill themselves after a Twitter backlash. 

Patriotic type people seem to only like dead soldiers. They'll parade in their memory but if you suggest supporting the troops by not sending them off to die you'll get scorn.   

If dead people were as nice as they were while alive then we wouldn't have war or hunger.  So therefore Old Knudsen fully supports Skynet and its mission to make people nice again. The only good person is a dead person.