Monday, 3 July 2017

Welcome To DUP Deal Or No Deal

The Tory/DUP coalition team up that is in no way a coalition as that wording might void The Good Friday Agreement is about more than just the £1 billion to build sun rooms onto the houses of DUP members. 

It would be a piss poor deal if all they got was a load of money as then that would mean they were just like Irish mercenaries that have fought in most battles throughout history ... no one wants to be Irish for fucks sake. 

More like a Unionist A-Team for hire.  

Other things the DUP got was a box of Jaffa cakes, Nigel Dodd got some more memory for his laptop and Arlene is getting a spa and beauty weekend at the Bannatyne Spa in beautiful Milton Keynes. Sir
Jeffrey Donaldson also in the picture above is content with the money and the lands the English call
East Anglia. It is not clear what Sammy Wilson (also pictured) got.

   Foster with Jonty her minister of British kulture. 

The DUP aren't stupid ya know, ach sure they may take the Bible literally and believe the world to be 6,000 years old and others may believe themselves to be part of the Levis, a lost tribe of Israel but they aren't fucken stupid.    

They got so much more in the agreement of doom. On the 12th July Theresa May is to make a speech in parliament declaring that there is 'NO POPE HERE' they tried to get her to do a "yeooohhhh" too but she refused as a PM has to maintain a level of dignity.    

She will be dressing in traditional British Pradestant Kulture Couture Klassy Kouture like wot the Queen wears when she gives her speech though. 

The Queen dressed down for her speech as one couldn't be arsed.

She will also be changing her name. Seriously Theresa Mary May???? can you get anymore Taigy? Her new name will be Bilomena July .... yeoohhh!!!!

 I fixed his face as parades are supposed to be happy occasions

Members of LOL the Loyal Orange Lodges are wondering why the DUP did not help their voter base more and negotiate marching through Catholic areas that has been denied to them.  Libtards and Taigtards have been chipping at British kulture for too long now.  

Why deny Catholic neighborhoods the joy of seeing loads of angry sour faced pot bellied sectarian patriots marching past their homes ? ... it doesn't make sense!  

For the English who have never had to think about Northern Ireland before this election: The 12th July holiday is a huge Protestant cosplay event to celebrate a battle in 1690 that none of them fought in that put a foreign immigrant onto the throne but most importantly it showed the Catholics who is boss.   

Hundreds of Loyalists dress up in costumes and march down roads playing horrible noisy angry music to scare the Catholics evil spirits away so there is a good harvest.    

The 11th July night or Purge Night is also very important as arson is a large part of Loyalist kulture. The family that drinks, fights and burns shit together stays together ... until social services gets involved that is. 

The DUP already have a version of Christian Sharia law in Northern Ireland so they hope to fix the mainland and the sinners there as well. To the DUP Great Britain (the mainland) is like Sodom and Gomorrah with everyone having abortions and ghey weddings ... shocking! 

Part of the deal means that Downing street has had to become more British. The DUP couldn't understand why there were loads of dark skinned people walking about and why lampposts didn't have flags on them, do they even know how to be British? 

MP's have complained that the constant drumming and flute playing going on outside number 10 distracts them from making cuts to police, the Intelligence community, first responders and to the NHS. One MP almost cleared the use of safe materials to be used on social housing, luckily that mistake was caught in time. 

They are sure they are being insulted by the constantly drunken bandsmen but since English people can't speak Irish they don't know what they are saying. 

One shaken up MP commented, "It was horrible, I asked if they could play Danny Boy and they started to yell at me in Gaelic or something I think they mistook me for someone else named Tim Facker, I tried telling them my name was Wilfred but that only enraged them more. A worried police officer pulled me inside and explained to me Irish etiquette such as never make eye contact and um don't call them Irish."     

Tim being a derogatory term for a Fenian fucker, don't worry Sassenachs you'll lern. 

MP's were also worried about the proximity the new Downing street bonfire was to buildings but no one will ask them to move it. Rather than confront them the 300 year-old buildings will have their windows boarded up and those inside asked to leave on the night that the fire gets lit ... like they do in Belfast. 
                                                                 They actually want this

As of the writing of this post the devolved government in Northern Ireland is not very evolved??? Not that evolution is real duh!  Why are there still monkeys?  .... yeah a fail in logic there Mister Darwin.

The Stormont Assembly isn't working at the minute because of a massive DUP scandal involving a heating scheme that they are getting away with which somehow became about the Irish language as 4 people in Northern Ireland are interested in speaking it or some such shite. 

So politicians in Northern Ireland have been getting paid not to politic for the past few months, nice non-work if you can get it. If Northern Ireland came to a stand still would anyone notice?   

The useless DUP and the equally useless Sinn Fein party can't agree on having tea or coffee but are expected to rule Northern Ireland fairly and properly. 

The Good Friday Agreement of 1998 which put them both into power hinges on good relations with Ireland and the British government not being in favor of one side more than the other. Yeah so Brexit and this not a coalition deal goes out of their way to fuck us over. The good news is that now we get to take the English, Scotch and Welsh with us.

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