Friday, 7 July 2017

Is Donald Trump Batman?

Ever since a tall caped crusader hit the streets to fight crime cos police are shite, we've wondered who he is. Crusader or Vigilante, Good or Evil, Chunky or Smooth? ... It's all a matter of perspective. 

To be that strong and agile you'd have to be a top athlete and to have such cool but expensive gadgets you'd have to be rich.

So we're looking for a wealthy male that plays sport ... perhaps tennis or golf as they are the only sports that could get you into that kind of shape. Bill Gates plays tennis but doesn't like confrontation. Richard Branson is a soft Brit and you couldn't mistake those teeth so who could it be? 

 Batman and Boy Wonder talking to Commissioner Gordon some years ago

We've seen how bravely Trump took on a CNN logo in a fight that was certainly not staged so he can obviously handle himself. According to some at the White House he handles himself all the time as his wife has her own bedroom and she doesn't like interruptions when her assistant Jake is rubbing her shoulders to get rid of her headaches.   

On Trump's Wiki page he says that his two main hates in life are bats, Mexicans and playing by the rules. 
His fear of bats comes from the time when one got caught in his hair and rather than mess up his hair it was killed and allowed to decay naturally. Having your hair messed with can be traumatic so the last ting you'd want to do is dress like a prat bat so that's him out of the running.  

If you look at Trump's time line on Twitter you'll see he's a fan of the dark knight. He even signed a bill (what another one?) for police not to arrest him and to provide assistance if there is running or fighting to be done. 

Dementia sufferers have trouble registering black & will often go around it, like a huge black limo.  

Could a 71 year-old obese man be crime fighter? His erratic behavior and classic symptoms of dementia makes people wonder 'what if Batman suffered from dementia?' ... everyone asks he this question all the time.

Ronald Reagan was allowed to carry on as President for years when it was clear he was ill. Excuses were made for his mistakes and he was given a free pass. 

Joker you are a smart cookie that Wonder Woman is weak. Sad!

The Batman of today has gotten noticeably older and wider. When interrogating the Joker he let slip about his secret Bat Cave and the raid he was going to do on the Penguin. He also insisted on being called Mr President. The Joker was really confused when Batman asked if he had seen the millions and millions of people at the Inauguration in January. Not a very routine kind of interrogation.

It was then that Boy Wonder popped his head round the door and told him him that Fox and Friends was starting and there was ice cream. He had to come now and quickly though or Super Steve would eat it and turn the TV over to watch Hitler on the History Channel. Batman yelled "To The Bat House!" and left. 

The next day Sean Spicer had a press briefing in which he stated that Batman was obviously joking  and that people needed to stop listening to words and the media needed to stop putting meaning to them especially when they are said in sentences. 

He added:

"Just because you read a sentence left to right doesn't mean everyone else does and that President Trump and Batman whoever he is think in the abstract so get off my case, no more questions!"  

Well it looks like Batman isn't Donald Trump then if Spicer said it. If Batman did have dementia then that would explain why the Batmobile (Batcell in the US) was left parked for 3 weeks until getting towed.

It might also explain the increasing amount of civilian deaths when Batman fires his grappling hook at them by accident and the hobo he shot dead on 5th Ave. Luckily the police can't arrest him under the Batman woops clause that was signed into law. 

Batman isn't the hero America needs, it's the hero it deserves ... yeah that'll fucken teach them. We might not know who he is but we'll rest easy knowing that banks, big businesses, The Trump family and their friends and for some reason golf courses are safe under his watchful shifting darting piggy like eye.  

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