Saturday, 31 December 2016

Who Will Die In 2017?

Time for the 2017 deadpool

What happens when 2016 ends but the celebs still keep dying? It's almost as if shit just happens no matter what the year ... mind blown!

Spock died early 2015 and Bowie in early 2016 shit does happen. We don't really know the people but because they have had an impact on our lives we think we know a part of them. Nimoy and Fisher hated the silly roles that made them famous but eventually came to see them as a kind of blessing. Like a singer having a one hit wonder, still more than what most people get. 

Rick Astley and Bob Geldoff made careers out of their hits songs. Vanilla Ice is still cool in my books too, he taught me how to be ghetto tough .... werd to yer Ma.  

Kirk Douglas: I've tried to tell the werld about him but they wouldn't listen. Someday this year he'll try to bite a young muscular runaway and they will break loose from their restraints (Michael can't tie decent knots) and fuck him up .... the media will report it as pneumonia. You can't dodge the deadpool forever!

Men usually go after their birthday and Douglas just had his 100th.

Remember I reported that Prince Philip died in 2011 during heart surgery? I still stand by that. The disappearances around Buckingham palace and cutting back the staff have been a big clue to it. Who gets millions to fix up yer palace (installing torture rooms) and rises in pay then sacks servants? .... only a cunt ... or someone married to a zombie. Philip is going to bite off more than he can chew this year too.

Queen Elizabeth will probably die of a broken heart ... or rat poison if Prince Charles the heir to the throne has anything to say about it. Maybe Harry or William will get revenge for Di.

John Hurt was given the all clear for his pancreatic cancer but not for big cocks ripping out of his chest. His last words will be, "I didn't see that cumming."

Old people will blather on about the Rocky horror picture show when Tim Curry carks it or worse still when one of the last remaining Monty Python folk goes we'll have those quotes. John Cleese died? I didn't expect that ... NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! .... fuck that'll be such original fun. 

  "it says here I died" ... how meta!
Cher, Diana Ross maybe even Madonna. I expect a lot of shite old "classics" to appear on social media. George Bush sr, Stan Lee, Hugh Heffner and maybe Bruce Forsyth. Buzz Aldrin wasn't looking too great the other day.

      C'mon Bruce, stop fighting and tap dance into the light.

As we've seen with George Michael and Prince that you can be still in yer 50's and die, abuse substances and you'll be gone ... WHAM! yer done. 

Robert Downey jr is 51, he's had a history of drug abuse. He says he's learned from it but all this fame from Iron man is bound to pull him back once he has a 'I don't want to be type cast' moment and work on stuff no one wants to see.  

Wife beater Johnny Depp can fuck off and die I won't miss him. 

Chris Hemsworth ... maybe Chris Evans or Chris Pratt will die in an accidental bench pressing accident and ruin Marvel's plans for years of sequels. Liam Hemsworth will say he'll step up, workout and fill the void but who the fuck wants him?   Lets hope it's Hawkeye or War Machine that bites it, they are totally expendable. 

How much more can Jonah Hill's heart take? .... just remember I asked that question.

In 2016 there were more men than women who died but when the chicks do die they are chicks like Princess fucken Leia that obviously everyone now loves.
Keith Richards is only 73 but for years people have claimed he's immortal or like a cockroach. Has he done more partying than every other rock star or does he just look like he has? If his appearance was anything to go by then he probably already is dead, he just hasn't noticed. 

William Shatner is 85 for fucks sake, Kirk has had his day and has been inadequately replaced but Shatner shows no sign of slowing down so expect a DVT on some plane trip. 

 I feel crooked and ill

Now the wishful thinking part of my post. During his impeachment trial in which the whole cabinet is charged with fraud and war profiteering Donald Trump dies from Carotenemia. You can obviously see by his skin he indulges in the excessive consumption of carotene-rich foods
His diary is found in which he writes about the numerous sexual assaults and rapes he's done and yet the GOP and his voters still blame Hillary.

Mike Pence dies from infection and a loss of blood from tears in his rectum due to a faulty second hand Assmaster 3000 he bought off Craigslist ... turns out he likes it dirty, well that explains a lot. 

The presenters of Top Gear die is a fiery crash while driving a souped up ice cream van. 

Nigel Farage dies when the brakes on his British made but Indian owned Jag fail. Turns out it didn't have the CE mark on it which means it has to be made with certain standards and quality for European Conformity .... oh the irony.

The ball is in yer court 2017, bring it on.  

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