Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Trump And Farage Review Schindler's List

Donald Trump and Nigel Farage took the time out from blaming immigrants to review Steven Spielberg's 1993 classic Schindler's List. 

Trump: Great to be here with British Prime Minister Nigel Farage, how is England? I love England it's terrific, I have a golf resort in England, beautiful scenery except for those bird killing wind mills on the coast. 

Farage: um yes I'm only the PM unofficially because the election was rigged by the EU. Isn't your golf resort in Scotland?  

Trump: That's what I said, Scotland, in England.  

Trump: I just want to say what a terrific movie this is. About the Germans helping the Jews to find homes in Warsaw, tremendous! The little girl in the red coat, beautiful a fantastic actress, I'd date her good and hard. 

Farage: She's in her 20's now and says she's traumatized by the whole experience.   

Trump: What a loser, probably after some money I don't know. Is she hot? 

Farage: Well I wouldn't say no. The ladies in the film have real bangin bods, is it wrong to get an erection during a Holocaust film?  

Trump: The Jews tend to have hot bods, I'm part Jewish and my daughter is one of the Jews and she is hot, am I right? I'll make you an honorary Jew so a boner is fine.  Just shrug, say 'oy vey' and enjoy it already.

Trump: Did you see Schindler kiss that girl? I bring old time values like this to America and get blasted for it in the biased media but I stand by what I do because it's who I am. I often kiss employees or women I find attractive and they love it because I'm famous. They get to point at the TV and say, 'I kissed Donald Trump' and everyone will be so jealous of them believe me. 

Farage: She looks like she is really enjoying it, do your employees enjoy it as much?

Trump: If they don't they're fired. One broad that worked for me objected so I fired her and destroyed her reputation. I even told her husband and 2 kids she was a lesbian ... she had to have been one of the lesbians right? am I right? the poor slob didn't work in my town again.  

Farage: Maybe we should talk about the film. A dark time in history wouldn't you agree? If there hadn't been immigrants and liberals we wouldn't have had a world war.    

Trump: Probably definitely correct. One take away from this movie is the excellent management involved. You can't run these camps with millions of people in them without good leadership. A liberal would see atrocities but I see a gun enthusiast getting rid of some slackers, firing them literally. 

Farage: My great-grandfather was a German immigrant  go getter who moved to London, your own grandfather was a go getter from Germany too ..... makes you wonder if it has any relevance to our political leanings. 

Trump: I'm not a politician, I'm a businessman.    

Farage: You're the president.  

Trump: I know it's crazy right? I'm a go getter, I'll get things done. Just not a wall, repealing Obamacare or jailing Hillary because that was just locker room talk. Back to the movie, great uniforms the Germans had, terrific!   

Farage: No wonder all those Jewish ladies wanted to sleep with them. I sometimes dress as an SS guard for my German wife. All harmless fun. We should get Melania and double date sometime. 

Trump: No way, I've seen your wife, besides Melania hasn't done the nasty since Barron was born, I've had to outsource that.    

Farage: So we agree that while the Germans had some great ideas their dream of socialism failed because they were looking after all these people in the camps. The film was a little on the long side and not enough hairy muff in my not at all humble opinion. 

Trump: A fantastic movie, sad ending for a great leader undermined by crooked liberals that lied to get jobs that German people could have done. A factory full of lazy liberals run by Oscar swindler ... see what I did there? 

Farage: I give it 3 out of 5 stars. It would have gotten more if there was more naked totty in it. 

Trump: I give it 4 out of 5 and it's the six pointed stars that a sheriff would wear. A fantastic movie, feel good, a great for the whole family romp. I liked the shooting and costumes, the Germans reminded me of my rallies, good times, tremendous! 

Farage: We should do this again, have I showed you pics of my mistress Annabelle Fuller? Way better than my second wife. 

Trump: Ok then as a favor to you I'll meet her but don't blame me if she falls for me, I'm famous and women just love me. 

Trump: Our next movie can be Finding Nemo, a sad story of child neglect with the liberal child protection agency turning a blind eye, what losers!