Old People Are Very Unhygienic

A woman never reveals his true age.  

I remember being on set of The walls of Jericho in 1948 and telling Kirk Douglas he should not give up being a waiter as he couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag ... I've no idea what that means. Anyways it turns out that I had higher standards than most and he went on to have a moderately successful career in over 90 movies.   

In 1913 I remember talking to a young man trying to avoid being drafted into the military. I said, "Adolf, yer cuntry needs you, don't ask what yer cuntry can do for you, ask if you can die for yer cuntry ... oh and stop painting, yer shite. " 

I've been around the block but not when it's icy as breaking yer hip isn't fun. I also like facts and hate people that make shit up. In 1915 I said to Einstein, "I'm no rocket surgeon but shouldn't that MC be squared for fucks sake?"

Kunwar Bai Yadav who lives in central India sold some of her goats and got an in door toilet fitted ... yeah, fancy as fuck huh. 

The state of Dhamtari has had a problem with open defecation .... stoopid libtard ideas no doubt, I don't see what the problem is. When you gotta go you gotta go. 

She paid £271 or 22,000 rupees to have it done and her daughter in-law who is a daily-wage labourer helped out too. They aren't well off people. Then again I don't have no 20 goats to be selling.

Following her example now every home in her village has got a crapper and Kunwar got a medal.  She claims to be 105 years old. In the land of piss poor record keeping who is to say otherwise?

Saalumarada Thimmakka from southern India lived 25 years with her husband without producing a child. They were at it non-stop banging away like a Welshman in a field of sheep. Since there is a world shortage of children and none that need good homes she decided to plant trees and look after them. She planted 300 and got a medal and a poem about her in the school curriculum. She never went to school herself and can you guess her age? ..... yep she's 105. 

  

 

These fakers taking away from the cut throat competitive werld of being old can't compare to Emma Morano of Italy who is 116 years -old. Her secret to a long life is a daily diet of two raw eggs and cookies. 

Oh and she likes to gobble cock, the more jizz the better mankind should give me a medal for that and making sandwiches too and not nagging. 

Born  29 Nov 1899 it looks like she's gonna have a birthday soon ... well she takes one day at a time. No house renovations or tree planting for her. She isn't even counting on having dinner or to seeing next year's Game of Thrones season.

A man in Indonesia claims to be 145 and has an ID card to prove it .... but it's Indonesia for fucks sake. 

Yisrael Kristal is the real (official) werld's oldest man at 113 years-old. He was an Auschwitz death camp survivor and says that all the old fakers out there can suck his dick. 

He can't really say why he's lived for so long. 

"I believe that everything is determined from above and we shall never know the reasons why. There have been smarter, stronger and better looking men then me who are no longer alive. All that is left for us to do is to keep on working as hard as we can and rebuild what is lost."

It's a crap shoot. You eat well and healthily then die from cancer or a heart attack in yer 40's, you smoke a pack a day sniff crack and live until yer 179.     

Just remember to be alive while yer living. Don't live in fear of what might happen. There isn't a great plan, there is shit we don't even know about just happens, we don't know and can't see all the trillions of things that have to happen in order for you to get where you are right now.

 Death is kept very busy reaping away in the werld so he's bound to miss a few, enjoy it while you can he'll get to you eventually.