I want to say one word to you. Just one word, are you listening? .... Shit! The future is shit. Not plastics, oil or pork bellies it's shit.
Sewage sludge contains traces of gold, silver and platinum, enough for people to take an interest. If it wasn't enough for us to waste perfectly clean water by pooping into it we also throw away precious metals when we have a dump.
Arizona State University estimated that a city of one million flushed away about $13m (£8.7m) worth of precious metals each year.
I always wondered what went on at universities. If I had known it was nothing to do with boring education and lerning books and werds I might have gone.
No don't be rushing out to yer local plant that dumps into the sea there are better ways that shifting through tons of shit.
Chemicals called leachates can pull the metals out of the sludge and in a setting such as a sewage plant those pesky harmful chemicals won't kill off the environment as they are prone to do during mining operations.
Valuable minerals can be found in shampoo, detergent, drugs and pharmaceuticals, also nanoparticles put into socks to control the odour .... my feet often smell like damp musky caramel, must be the nanoparticles.
With all the vitamins and crazy meds that Americans have you'd expect a fortune. Experts also claim that the average American is also more full of shit that most other nations .... and it's true.
Plop research shows that 1kg of sludge contained about 0.4mg gold, 28mg of silver, 638mg copper and 49mg vanadium .... and other shit. Old Knudsen is going to drop a deuce or 3 and if it's any way solid (24% chance of being solid) I'm taking it to a pawn broker to see how much I'll get.
Bill Gates has a drink of poo water.
A facility in Tokyo already mines for gold in poo and they are getting as much as a real mine would. The Swedes are more um odd and prefer to turn treated sewage into clean drinking water and energy. There a plant in Africa that also does this.
While drinking yer own piss is a normal enough thing, I mean we all do it right? I don't think I'd be thirsty enough to drink a taxi driver or worse a politician's waste water. I'll be giving Dakar a miss if I'm ever offered soldier of fortune jobs in Africa.
In England there is a power plant in Northumbria that converts honest hard working northern waste into energy. Other plans to do this have been refused by the government because they are cunts that prefer to frack and bomb Syrians ... no money for poo plants, sorry we're broke... yeah right.
One hot lunch coming up. No relish cos that would be gross.
Yeah ok, I may have gotten the US election wrong which means WWIII has been moved up to whenever the president takes offence on Twitter or something but I see the future as being totally shit.
A factory assembly line of workers on the shit shift, pushing out their kept in morning glories for profit. You can actually say yer job is shit without being a whiny little bitch.
Old Knudsen would be working flexitime as you just never know when the gravy train is going to arrive with him ... again Tesco, I do apologize but yer toilets were at the back of the store and I don't do running.
So if you ever doubt yer self worth you can at least count on yer poo having some value. You aren't a complete loser.