Thursday, 20 October 2016

You Know As Much As Jon Snow

No no no, you have mansplaining all wrong, let me tell you how. 

We are told lies all the time. Dressed up as myths, religion and and even history. Things were so much better then, you could leave yer doors unlocked and children could play in the street. Wrong! you just knew fuck all and weren't informed.
On a random search 1976 -1977 four children were murdered in Oakland county Michigan. There were probably more but no one was ever caught for them and if you think black and brown kids get short media coverage now when they go missing compared to white kids just imagine what it was like then. John Wayne Gacy was even suspected as being the Babysitter killer at one point.

A rosy view of the past leads to the next generation being told how great it all was before the Internet and smarty phones came along .... of course they learn all this by fucken memes ... on the Internet.

   I said no more cat pictures!

The full moon has no effect on us.  We do not go crazy or get angry, we're just cunts all the time. People just notice a connection when the moon is full. Tides in our bodies? We are 75% water. Well the highest tides also happen during a new moon. There have been countless studies on the menstrual cycle, crimes stats and psychiatric visits but no conclusive evidence for moon madness. Just do crack if you want a valid reason to be an arsehole. 

Sugar rush? Again with the moon, people are cunts and children are just young cunts ... simples. There is no medical evidence to support a sugar rush. That right there has he reserving judgement on all the effects of Climate Change as these egg heads only know shit now, in 20 years they might all change that again.

NASA spent millions on a pen that werked in space while the Soviets used pencils. No! Astronauts are just cunts. 
NASA used pencils but a company named Fisher invented a pen which NASA then bought and used, even the Soviets bought these pens. NASA didn't invent teflon or velcro either but you knew that. 

I'm no saying I'd like to be her bike seat but ....    

You lose most of yer body heat from yer head. You do know that heat rises right? Well take off yer trousers and I guarantee you'll be just as cold.  
Peanuts ... sorry I have a lisp. Part of the Legolas family

Peanuts are a part of the Leguminosae family of peas and beans  .... and they are cunts! 

Fortune cookies look Chinese and sound Chinese but are actually an American invention which is why they are hollow, full of lies and leave a bad taste in yer mouth. Lucky numbers my arse. 

 kill me now 

Vitamin C does nothing for yer cold. Most vitamins do nothing in fact. Eat properly and you'll get all the nutrition you need. 

In London you are always only 6 feet away from a rat. Obviously this is a rough estimate as rats are not evenly spread out and Nigel Farage did go to help Trump lie to the American people leaving the likes of Boris to be yer rat.  

The moon is always rotating and so there is no permanent dark side, this is why we can see the alien bases now and then. 

When yer antivirus program clears the junk form yer phone it will often delete actual junk pictures by mistake. Always be sure to save these pics in another folder as I'm not sending them out again. 

People do not just use 10% of their brains, some people use even less. After a hair grooming accident in the 80's, Donald Trump had to have 83% of his brain tissue removed. He said that he felt tremendous and then went on to win 7 Tour De France races. Hillary only won 3 because she is sick and weak and probably lied about the third one.

 What cunt got us out at this time of night? 

Blame the cop shows. You do not have to wait 24 hours before filing a missing person report. You may have to wait until they finish their donuts though. 

The seasons are not caused by the Earth being closer to the sun cos the sun doesn't fucken move, nor is the sun colder during winter as NASA found out in 1972 ... a tragic loss. The reason for the seasons is Jesus. He died for yer sins ... cos yer a cunt.

Hanging weights from yer dick won't make it bigger (a friend told me) and may break the bone in yer cock known as the coccyx ... would I lie? 

Cracking yer knuckles doesn't give you arthritis, excessive wanking doesn't make you blind or give you hairy hands (extensive study was done on this) but watching too much TV (especially soaps, sport and reality shows) will give you square eyes. 

Now you've been informed you have no reason to be stupid. Unless you have a serious hair grooming accident that is.   

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