Monday, 12 September 2016

Douche Bags Of History

Historical douche bag ... er legend. Thomas Edison, The Wizard of Menlo Park and creator of the phonograph, movie camera, pocket pussy and the long lasting practical light bulb. He won the War of the Currents against Nicola Tesla.
As a poor filthy immigrant Tesla was employed by Edison but left in a huff when he redesigned Edison's generators but Edison didn't pay him his worth ..... $50,000? I was just kidding about that, you can have a $10 a week pay rise if you want .... lol!

Tesla came back with his AC induction motor. To prove that AC (alternating current) was more dangerous than  DC (direct current) Edison decided to pass AC through various stray animals such as dogs, cats and horses.

Like any right thinking person would. 

1,000 volts of DC was put through a dog and it lived. Then 300 volts of AC was put through it and they had a BBQ.

Topsy the elephant was given 6,000 volts of AC while 1,500 people watched at Coney Island. What a nice day out for the family.
In 1890 Edison designed an electric chair with AC ... also to demonstrate how dangerous it was. Murderer William Kemmler had his internal organs cooked for 17 seconds and while still gasping for breath they put more through him for 4 minutes until he burst into flames.

'I told you it was dangerous ... especially when strapped to a chair with electrodes put on you.' 

  Wanna see my coils? .. lose a few pounds and we can date.

Nikola Tesla may have received immortality in FB memes, he's thought of as a do gooder Bernie Sanders type who wanted free electricity for all. He had little interest in electricity utilities and fucked up a lot of business partnerships by wasting their funding. He wanted to invent crazy shit like death rays. 

The skinny 6 foot 2 Serb with poor personal hygiene had an Eidetic memory and spoke 8 languages. 

People always mention what a great dude he was. He believed in gender equality ... he did? Well I suppose he fired his secretary for being fat, not for being female. 

He had Nazi leanings and believed that poor, disabled or other undesirables such as criminals should not be allowed to breed.  

Edison became a national hero and long remembered throughout history because he was a better businessman. He had staying power. Spencer Tracy played Edison in a 1940 movie called Edison, the man. 

Tesla died in 1943, I wonder if he went to see the film. 'they called that fucker 'the man' I'm the man.'   
Luckily social media wasn't about then as historical figures would get a roasting for what they did.

People forget that historical figures were real people, not some noble idea of a person. Charles Dickens left his wife and 10 kids for a younger woman, he only contacted her 3 times via letters after the split and not even when one of their sons died. 

Benjamin Franklin was described as being "slippery and opportunistic" a petty man who would go out of his way to win an argument. 

Thomas Jefferson and Gandhi didn't like black people (though Jefferson raped/had sex with a black servant) He said how they smelled bad, I hope he held his nose when he was giving it to Sally.

Napoleon only opened schools just to have educated military officers and took away rights from women. 

Woodrow Wilson was a fan of the KKK screening Klan movies at the White House. 

Only 7% of donations given to Saint Mother Theresa actually went to the causes. She withheld medicine from the sick and dying because she was all into suffering being good for the soul ... just not her suffering.   
Henry Ford and Charles Lindbergh were Nazis. Lindbergh got the Hollywood treatment with lovable James Stewart playing him.

People may have floated around until Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity but Christopher Wren, Robert Hooke, and Edmond Halley all did work on gravity before him. Newton did the math and got the credit though he had worked with Hooke who he didn't acknowledge. 

John Lennon, Marvin Gaye, James Brown were all woman beaters. 

People don't stop having issues and being dicks because history decides that were were legends. Hollywood showed General Custer as being a hero instead of a war criminal who attacks women and children. Yay here comes the 7th cavalry to save the day .... as long as you are white. Don't fall for the historical rewrites. 

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