Tuesday, 16 August 2016

The Illuminati Want You

You know that times are tough all round whenever a secret society sends you an invite e-mail. This is from a real e-mail cos you can't make this shit up.

Are you a business man? Business woman ? Artist? Politicians? Student? ..... well sort of a piss artist that is in the business of studying politics and I'm half man and half woman on my mother's side, how do they know so much about me? 

And you want to become Big and Rich, Protections and Powerful, famous, Promoting your Job office position and make your company product the most popular and best seller in the world, join us to become one of our official Illuminati brotherhood member today and you shall be given a chance to visit the Illuminati initiation center and his representative after registrations are completed by you,

I do want to be big, more in length than girth though and yes being rich with protections would be great. They have an initiation center

 Join us.

Illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eradicate poverty away from your life now.
It is only a member who has been initiated into the church of Illuminati that have the authority to bring any member to the church, so the Illu minati initiation for this year new members is available now Join us today and realize your dreams.

Will they make my life great again? I feel that I've got the grammar skillz for the Illuminati. If eradicate poverty from my life means killing the annoying homeless people asking for change then I'm in ... of course I wouldn't kill any homeless vets as that would be wrong. If I join then I could bring all my friends into the church too. 

If only I had friends. 

 No bimbos were hurt during the making of this blog post.

Once you become a member you will be Rich true whatever you are doing on this planet as your occupation more ideals will be giving to you and protected and as an actor or actress Politicians you will be famous and powerful for the rest of your life, the Illuminati makes they members happy so Join and be one of the successful Person on earth if you are interested fill the form below to the below email address to enable the Illuminati registration department process your membership and an invitation for the initiation will be send to you wherever you are in any part of the World.   

I so want to be Rich true and happy, sign me the fuck up. I'll be the the most famous and powerful blogger in the werld. Fox News would have me on as an "expert" and that 3am call to the president would go to me first.
Knowing my luck it'll be only for the mainland and they don't accept members from Northern Ireland, we get that a lot living in butt fuck Norn Iron.    

Email Address:(  registared.center@yandex.com
Full Name:…..
Current Full Address:…. 
Date of Birth:……..
Phone No:…….
Email Address:….
Tell us a little about yourself…

Of course I can't give full details as I have trust issues. I don't want the crazies from the I.T. departments to start spamming me again.

I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm a Scottish Viking from Northern Ireland who is immortal. I know this as I've survived the Man-flu. I'm a time traveler and take a lot of drugs, mostly prescription these days cos I'm old. I like boobs and big arses and have often never gotten hard watching ghey porn. I'm all man with a little piss stained animal thrown in.
I respect broads, coloureds, gooks, wogs and queers but the Dutch need to be destroyed. I'm a very compassionate and sensitive person unless it's the morning as then I'll rip you apart if you get in my way.

I don't really like to talk about myself unless it's with hookers cos then I kill them afterwards and dump them out at sea chopped into pieces. Yes I have intimacy issues too though any port in a storm is a way of life.

I can't wait to join the Illuminati so then I can shape the werld and get away with so much more. Restraining orders are for the weak, I'm in the Illuminati! ... look at my membership card.

WARNING:  If you are not interested or Below 18 Years old Do not reply.
This Message Is From The Illuminati Worldwide Occult Government Center. 

I have to send them some questions first about robes and sacrifices etc. They do know that occult means hidden or secret right?    


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