Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Old Knudsen Nose

Dear Old Knudsen

I have been living with "John" for 2 years now. At first it was great and he was very attentive and would do those nasty things that pleased me. Now when we make love he puts $10 on the dresser and goes downstairs to play on his X-box. He never cuddles or talks after we make love and I lie there alone listening to his cheering and swearing as he plays his games.

What can I do to rekindle the good old days?

Frustrated in Oregon

Dear Frustrated

I'm not sure what the exact problem is here as your letter wasn't very clear. When yer done yer done and the wee snake has vomited his love custard, anything else until it reloads in 10 -15 minutes is just ghey and a waste of time.

Maybe you should explain to John that $20 is a more fitting amount as what can $10 get you these days?

Oh I re-read yer letter while sober. You mention cuddling and talking after sex ::::sigh::::: ok then here's what to do.
Cook bacon rashers until they are brittle and rub them behind yer ears, keep a few under yer pillow ... yes you can make a wee lacy draw string bag I know what you arts and crafts type are like.

A man will smell the bacon but only enough that he gets interested, he'll keep nuzzling you until you agree to cook for him (men can't cook and you weemen do it so much better, 3 eggs love and some soda bread)

If you want him to talk then take an interest in things like cars, sports or other weemen and then he'll be more inclined to share his precious gaming time with you. A conversation about what you'd like to do to that gurl who werks at the bank can be very healthy for a relationship.

Dear Frustrated, I understand how difficult it is for weemen to compete with gaming, Interweb porn and other blokes that talk about the good things in life. The main thing is to remember that it is nobody's fault but maybe you should try a bit harder.

Any questions about love, life or human trafficking and drug or arms deals please feel free to e-mail Old Knudsen at and remember that you have to state by law if yer an undercover cop or not.               


k said...

My policy is to kill them after mating so these pesky video-game issues never crop up. I thought all Oregon women were well-versed in this technique. Keeps the novelty in one's sex life. Also, I don't come here for the advice. I just like to feel a bit dirty on the regular when I click the "don't care show me that shit" content warning to access this site.

a black widow

Old Knudsen said...

Not all people are as grounded and secure as you are.