Monday, 4 July 2016

Why I Believe

In a werld full of lies and spin, doing the right thing is not always clear cut or black and white.  "When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion." - Abraham Lincoln

We often have to listen to our instincts and inner voice. Old Knudsen's moral compass can be prone to prejudices when faced with stupidity. Stoopid Christians oppressing gheys, stoopid Brexiters believing Nigel Farage, Stoopid weemen that won't send me titty pics .... you get the idea.

Oh yeah, daddy likey long time, send more.

Damn you trolling sex doll for being so hot. I would so buy her second hand.

So anyways, I believe in Captain America rather than in Jesus. I've seen more evidence that Captain America exists than Jesus and why would I listen to someone that A) has never tied shoe laces B) never fought in a war and C) is a fucken hippy. Might as well listen to Jeremy Corbyn except Jesus wasn't too into terrorsists but I bet that the Romans had him on a no fly list cos he was a dodgy Middle Eastern dude.

Captain America isn't 2000 years old, he's old but not that bad. Born 4th July 1918 .... aye no made up date like 25 Dec year what? 4 -6 BC according to "experts" trying to match historical events to mythology.   

Born to Sarah and Joseph Rogers, no rubbish about underage virgin births, his Ma put it about Brooklyn quite a bit. His Da was killed in WWI lest we forget but Old Knudsen gave her a shoulder to cry on and a face to sit on.

Rather than vague 'oh he was a carpenter' or 'maybe he was a Rabbi' we know that Rogers attended George Washington High School and then Auburndale Art School. We know this cos his comics told us so.

We even know that Sarah died from TB when Rogers was 18 .... see? we know so much about Captain America, more than we do about Jesus if he was even real. Old Knudsen gave her the clap, she probably got TB off a dirty door handle or something. 

I'm no even getting into how dreamy the Cap is. He believes in truth, justice and the American way but not in a lame DC Superman way, nah, Jesus is totally DC. Jesus with his umbrella that shoots out poison gas .... what is it with crappy DC villains and their gas?

If only we had taken Sodomy avenue.

If I lived in Gotham I'd always wear a gas mask and only go out at night. Well criminals are bound to werk out that Batman doesn't operate during the day and only a corrupt police force is there to stop em. I'd stay away from alleyways though especially if they are named Crime alley.

Cap totally kills people but they are people that deserve it. He sees nothing wrong with killing the enemy in battle but spying and deception is very wrong.

Yeah ok so maybe he has to work on that. Spying and deception is a valuable part of war. To make the Nazis think there were more troops than there were and to not let them see any weak points in the line a company of artists was set up to drive trucks in circles, make recordings of troop activity on loud speakers and paint different logos on vehicles so the enemy would have false reports of where the Yanks where.

 We are loving it here .... not in Ukraine.

The Russians are masters of deception and pride themselves on how easily they fool the west. Until their troops post selfies and leave their locations on, doh!

To get out of a date with a yucky gurl (boys rule!) he sacrificed himself to save us. His last werds were BRB .... lol! Aye he was ahead of his time.

In the 1940's people kept their promises. MacArthur had a really nice lunch at a TGI Fridays in the Philippines and said, "I'll be back"  well he said "I shall return" then fled from the Japs but he did return when it was safer in 1945. Where is Jesus? Fucken hippies, you can't trust em.

I'm sure everyone in their right mind has given up waiting on that long haired loser. How long do you wait for a date that doesn't turn up? Old Knudsen has waited days before the stalking and the texts begin. Where are you? did you forget? I'll forgive you this time and the last 4 times. I don't take hints very well I bet you regret giving me yer number, well actually I got it from yer friend I friended on FaceBook ..... Who is that in the room with you I can only see shadows from out here. Why do you buy so much bread if you just throw half of it out? .... I see you like chocolate and am on yer period, it tastes funny, I'd see a doctor if I were you.

The police ..... seriously???? I'm starting to doubt yer commitment to this relationship, gotta go fast, I'll see you later, when yer sleeping. 

 With his good friend President Obama.

Captain America did return and helped fight off the aliens, Hydra and the Autumn soldier. He also stood up to Tony Stark when he tried to get everyone to register with Windows 10.

In times of doubt Old Knudsen seeks an answer by asking What Would Cap Do? The way I interpret his werd my answer is usually a jar of raw liver, a sex doll or Scarlett Johansson. 

Or a Scarlett Johansson sex doll. I imagined her being more hairy and darker doonstairs. You'd be shocked at the things I imagine. 

I shall be praying to Cap or maybe I'll send him an e-mail. Unlike Jesus I bet that Cap can use e-mail and types well with those strong manly hands.     


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