Tuesday, 26 July 2016

How To Make America Safe

 Winter is here and it's tremendous, everybody loves it.

The United States of America started out as a British colony much like many other cuntries in the werld. The first civil war (now known as the Revolutionary war) was fought because some of the colonials preferred tea than coffee. George Washington used to like tea but changed to coffee later in life ..... Can you really trust a turncoat?

 Soon after changing to coffee his teeth fell out and he began to look like an old granny.

Benedict Arnold a Major General in the Continental army and war hero tried coffee but soon realized that it was a foul commie drink and that tea was better. He even took a demotion to Brigadier General in the British army on condition that he never had to drink coffee ever again.

The colonials in Boston dressed as Brits and had a tea party which had everyone asking, why aren't they fixing the economy instead of drinking tea?

The Red coat is cumming, lock up yer daughters and pets.

1776 was when America was great, everything after that has been bleh. That's how I remember it. Old Knudsen was drinking tea and Benjamin Franklin called him a loser. I said all I'm asking, is for a little respect, just a little bit. Do I have to spell it out? R-E-S-P-E-C-T .

No wonder Benjamin Franklin is listed as one of the top 5 worse US Presidents. 

Donald Trump wants to make America great again. He has suggested renting out the rest of the states and having a walled community of 13 colonies. He had to leave New York to get votes and he didn't like it, states full of Mexican rapists, what's that about? A billionaire forced to eat a pork chop on a stick .... who even does that?

He said it all during his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention to Eye of the tiger playing in the background. 

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and carpet bomb the Syrians, Iraqis, Creeds and anyone else that are a part of ISIS. Everybody keeps asking me when we are going to destroy ISIS and keep this country of ours safe and I say, Hillary is weak, Obama is a Muslim and I know how to make a deal, am I right or am I right? .... no need to answer that, all the polls say I'm right, I love the Poles, a tremendous people. 

Chicago has a lot of Poles, the top of everything, they love me. 

I'm so proud of my children and all of my wives. Everybody says how hot my wife Melania is, as hot as my daughter Ivanka I'd say. Very intelligent women, the top of their class, so intelligent I just tell them to stand there and look pretty because who has time to talk about girl things? I love girls though. I put them up on a pedestal in a swimsuit .... make America great again!          

Whatever he's doing it's working. Old Knudsen wakes up screaming, "Hillary is weak" and has noticed more ethnic people when before he wouldn't have looked twice at them unless they were hot.

Old Knudsen is not from East Belfast, he doesn't stare at foreigners like they have two heads, he's cosmopolitan and werldly wise but what if they are all pedo terrorists like Rupert Murdoch says that are huh?

We should trust rich people. Jesus was poor and he said he'd return ... the lying fucker. 

Trump hasn't gone into details about how he'll make America safer. The man is a genius so you probably wouldn't understand it anyways.

Here is what I'll predict he'll do and why hasn't someone already done this? We need to get smart!

Change yer address. Call America The United 13 colonies of Trumpica and the rapists and terrorists will be confused. They'll end up in South America or somewhere stoopid. Imagine a terrorist ending up in Mexico city because it's Central America, they'd shit themselves and probably get sold as sex slaves.

A robot that can bench press a truck ... what could possibly go wrong?

Make cars faster so they'll miss knocking people down .... it's a no brainer. Ban driverless Tesla cars because they seem to be out to get us. The fucken robots will be the end to us. 

People need guns, it's a basic human right. No one demands a better education or healthcare provider because that takes effort. Guns are less expensive than education and health so give everyone guns and not only will the Soviets and the Apache think twice about invading but the economy will be better too.

Arm homeless veterans especially, to make our streets safer.

When we caught archers after the battle of Agincourt we removed their bow pulling fingers so they'd be harmless. Lets remove the trigger fingers and thumbs of refugees. If they have nothing to hide they'd come forward for it willingly.  

Make it a requirement that drug dealers and pimps have a license and regulate them. Dangerous drugs and bitches with the clap are one of the biggest dangers to the US.

End turf wars by having the areas clearly marked with fines if you break it instead of violence.

Make being a terrorist and doing terrorist things illegal. ISIS will think twice before killing a load of people if they knew it was against the law.

Global warming is a hoax .... but lets invade and bomb it anyways. If we are destroying nature in the Middle East then we are stopping ours from getting destroyed.

 Ugly poses are un-American.

There needs to be more gyms and beauty schools for women because a pretty woman can really brighten up yer day. Ugly weemen aren't mentioned in the constitution but it goes without saying that if you don't look good in a swimsuit then you must be a commie.

Keep men happy so they don't rape and kill people .... again, a no brainer.

These are just a few ideas that Trump and myself have thrown around during our correspondence. We don't have time to be PC so expect some branding and shaming in order to make America great again and a more safer place.      

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