Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Gotta Catch Em All

Old Knudsen gave up hunting and fishing years ago only vowing to eat the odd wild Gurl Scout and maybe her cookie if she was stupid enough to knock on his door. There has been a resurgence in animal violence recently with young people catching animals and making them fight each other. Yes I'm talking about Pokemon go.

Cockfighting is something Old Knudsen enjoys but with the new safety rules it's becum a farce. You can no longer get up in someone's face, you have to strike at a distance of 6 - 8 inches which is a bit of a stretch um not for Old Knudsen of course but for a friend.

Gotta catch em all was my mate's Errol Flynn's catchphrase but he meant STD's, who knows what the fuck he died from?

 Because this doesn't happen enough .... RIP Brad Pitt .... lest we forget.

Pokemon Go is a game played on those smarty phones. Remember when phones were for shouting into in public places? Well now you play games on them now. It used to be that anyone on a cell phone was a potential terrorist but now they are a potential moron trying to catch a Swirlix which as you know is a fairy-type Pokemon. I'll have to adapt the counter terrorism courses I teach to security specialists and law enforcement agencies.
Shooting unarmed black people was a typo for fucks sake, how many times do I have to say it? Quit calling 'shotgun' when you have a suspect on the ground ... I swear I never taught them that but if it turns up on YouTube it's probably been edited to make me look bad.  

All lives matter .... ach who are we kidding with that one? Any bombs in Iraq to ignore today? Refugees, homeless and left handed people .... the werld wouldn't miss them.

Some cunts in Missouri count on the natural stupidity of Pokemon fans and set up a beacon in a shady carpark to lure them to be robbed when the dorks go there to battle other Pokemon trainers. 'go to crime ally where a Jizzlet a Bukkake-type Pokemon awaits you.'

I'm gonna stick it in yer Pikachu.

Wanna battle huh, big man with an imaginary animal. Meet the knife Pokemon that wants all yer money. The phone app super imposes Pokemon into the real werld. There have been cases of them turning up on car dashboards and people falling over to try to catch them, one gurl even found a dead body floating in a lake when she was told there was a water type to be found near by.
Old Knudsen lives with the hopes of finding dead bodies, some people just have all the luck. I even got a dog to walk as they are always finding them.
If I was a police officer I'd keep an eye on dog walkers and joggers. 

Remember when Anime was something that lonely 40 year-old Japs who couldn't get gurlfriends wanked off to? Then they invented twat pillows and robot gurls.  

All this is old news as Pokemon started in the mid 90's when half these wee cunts playing the game weren't even born. Would it surprise you to know that Old Knudsen was a trainer? The blood, bubbles and the sounds of pain got to him though and he had to quit.
My Charmander made me a  Johto League Champion but the fame went to my head and the resentment that my Pikachu best buddy just would not evolve no matter how many Scooby snacks I gave the wee fucker took the joy out of it.
Luckily they eat Pokemon in nearby China so they didn't go to waste. They have a Pokemon festival there every year to eat the various types. 

Because of all the recent interest in Pokemon I looked out one of my old Poke balls, aye it was an old bitter Poke ball.

I looked inside and found there was still a Pokemon that I had forgotten about years ago. Mostly mush now. I can make an eyeball out, I think it was a Frogeton a roadkill-type Pokemon.

Animals don't belong in Poke balls, don't be a cunt. Put them in cages and zoos like nature intended.  


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