Monday, 6 June 2016

Dying For A Holiday

The reason why we complain about the Ugly American aboard is because they take their Americanism with them everywhere they go. So do the Brits, and they also insist that all the foreign places they go to be fucken British too.
Unlike the American the Brit doesn't go in search of quaint culture to experience or photograph, they go for pubs and clubs set in a sunny environment. The American can just take a drive and get sun in their own country but to the British the sun is as special as Christmas is to children.

In case you didn't catch on from our loud drunken voices we're British! 

Every year the combination of drink, sun, swimming pools and balconies becomes fatal. Recently a 19 year-old Irish tourist (Irish, Scot and whatever are included as Brit for this post, same mentality)  died when he fell into a swimming pool at a Spanish resort.  

He'd checked in hours earlier and at 7pm fell into the pool and drown. When I fall into a swimming pool I um swim. Old Knudsen isn't a particularly great swimmer but he has not drown in a swimming pool yet.   

We aren't fooling anyone, there has to be alcohol involved. A Brit on holiday expects to be drunk for the whole two weeks. Relaxing by the pool .... have to be drunk. Looking at the view from my balcony .... have to have a drink in my hand. 

Of course many live to tell the tale and complain because they didn't take out pisshead insurance and now owe thousands. 
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office has tried to warn people. In 2012, three died and 10 others were injured by balcony falls. 

Benjamin Harper from London went to Magaluf, Majorca and fell to his death off his balcony while out for a smoke. Yes there are waist high railings but if yer pissed out of yer head smoking kills.

Magaluf has tried to enforce street drinking bans that also include outside urinating, nakedness, being bare chested and spitting .... all the things that make a holiday special to a Brit. The fucken foreign cunts trying to spoil everyone's fun. So what if a Northern Ireland girl (aged 18) performed 24 sex acts for a free drink in 2015? No one would have cared if some narc hadn't tweeted it.    

You should see what she'd do for a curried chip.  I'd totally suck a lot of dick for that.

Jake Evans lived to tell the idiot's tale. 

"I was on a balcony with a couple of friends and I did the balcony step down and I asked a guy off the balcony below to throw me a lighter. I was quite drunk, I tried to grab the lighter and I went over head-first. I woke up on a sun lounger, which actually saved my life."

Aren't we lucky? Jake will probably go on to cure cancer or something. 

I looked at the news and saw a British woman had fallen to her death from a balcony. Do these people also just fall over garden fences too?

Call it tragic if you will, you'd probably call 18 - 35 year-olds dying in a car crash tragic too and ignore the fact they were drunk and speeding ..... 'oh the reason doesn't matter think of the family grieving'  

Why should I? They didn't think about their families. Yes I have done stupid things drunk and sober but I didn't die or ruin anyone's holiday or kill my friends. Did I get lucky? Maybe I'm just better.

   Having sex on a balcony ... that is how they will be remembered. 

The Darwin awards or the thinning of the herd. If you die on holiday and it isn't from ISIS or Somali pirates then yer just a waster. 

Like all those people that die taking selfies. 

Old Knudsen does not have pity for people that go out of their way to make a problem for themselves and that includes drunken holidaymakers. Going on holiday doesn't mean that the law of gravity gets suspended just for you for 2 sunny weeks. 

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