Monday, 9 May 2016

Sex Dolls From Heaven

So this remote village in Indonesia had a gift from God wash up on its shores. Not a volley ball with a bloody hand print of a bottle with a note saying "save me" nor the whiskey cargo of a doomed ship.  No, what washed up wasn't human but it looked human so being God botherers they all decided it was an Angel of of Lard!

Meanwhile a thousand miles away on Wannahockaloogie island Philip D Dick was searching for his wife Wanda. He had a falling out with her after refusing to make him a sandwich, he got rough and his dog Whippy jumped to his defense and bit her. She farted and flew out of his hut and into a storm. 

He sulked sandwich-less for most of the night but in the morning he realised that he didn't live on the Sandwich Islands and that maybe he was in the wrong. His brother told him that he should go and search for her and berated his foolishness.  Even though his brother had been dead for the past 12 years the recluse searched the island but could not find her anywhere.

He was heart broken which was not helped by his smug brother that said he knew she'd leave him eventually.

Meanwhile in Sulawesi, Wanda had been dried off and given clothes and an ornate garden chair. She sat and granted wishes .... mostly to lonely young men. She was found just weeks after a solar eclipse and that is prime time for finding angels as everyone knows.

Yes, this doll is sexy. 

The local police chief Heru Pramukarno was called in after the media got a hold of this story and took the angel into a room alone furnished with just a mattress for 25 minutes for questioning.

He must have pumped her good for information because in a shocking revelation she turned out to be a sex doll ...... I did not see that cumming.

(This does in no way diminish the existence of Angels as proof is for the weak) 

 Is that her? ... no it's just turtle ... a sexy turtle, helllooo baby.

Wanda is now serving 10 years in prison for fraud as it is illegal in Indonesia to pose as an angel. Dick probably thought his Wanda been eaten by the fishes as he roamed his island with Whippy and Jeff his tamed Unicorn.  

I'm not saying the people of Indonesia are stupid slack jawed fuckers unintelligent. Maybe it was their propensity to believe shit about naked white people eating forbidden fruit that made them jump to the angel conclusion.   

When the Cabbage patch dolls first came out the people of Ballymena thought they were Leprechauns out to steal their cocaine and sheep so it's an easy mistake to make. 

We and when I say we I mean fuckwits put too much value on people shaped objects. This Hitler sculpture was sold for $17. 2 million (£3.20p in British money) and the mouth doesn't even open .... or does it? I would skull fuck a Hitler doll for the Jews, does that make me a hero? Yeah probably. 

  Ya it ist just like your Ma!

The people of  Sulawesi don't have the Internet and so don't know what a harsh mocking they are receiving from me. They also don't know that an angel doesn't have perky tits and a couple of well designed holes to stick yer dick into. 

Haven't they seen Dogma?  Hasn't everyone in the werld seen that movie and if not then why not? Why would God make Angel junk? Isn't that what Lucifer got pissed off about? ... uh God why do I have to pee and poo through my mouth when those hairless apes get junk?  Reed yer Bible, it's all in there.

If they thought it was a Muse then yeah, I could see that but an Angel? Do they lick bars of lead in Indonesia? 'Hey I'm a Indianezer and I lick lead bars to get iron supplements to stay healthy.'

In other news they found Kim Kardashian washed up on a beach and thought she was a sex doll. I was the glassy lifeless expression and rubber like skin no doubt.

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