Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Being A Cunt Is A Part Of God's Plan

It's lucky for you that so far I've always won at Russian roulette because where would you go for moral guidance? When you don't know the answer you know that unless I'm dead with a gunshot wound to the head or haven't made bail yet you can always come to Old Knudsen to light yer way. They used to call me the light bringer back in the good old days .... they also called me pissy pants and octopus hands but we won't go into that.

I don't just get my knowledge from the classics like Chick soup for the soul or The art of the deal I also have experienced older classics like Dickens and Steve Jane Austin in fact I've often watched those movies twice and the re-makes too. I know Shakespeare too or The Bard as we call him, like Bruce Springsteen's The Boss but old Will doesn't make faces like he's constipated, aye I saw Shakespeare in Dr Who and when he fell for Gwyneth Paltrow.

To be Scooby dooby doo to not to be .... zoinks is the question.

   Boy, gurl, whatever, I'm having you. I'll put me salty goodness in yer pepper pots.

I'm a total reconnaissance man, a man fer all seasons but me hip gives me jip when it gets cold. That whole transgender using restrooms things is wrong. When I'm in a stall pushing out a delivery of muddy puddle water and sweet corn I don't want to think about some hot chick in the next stall urinating.

What man would want to share a restroom with this?    

I'm sure the ladies don't want this in their restrooms. 

It says explicitly in the Bible that a restroom is between a man and a woman. Remember when Jesus found Mary Magdalene in the men's room because the ladies had a line, he got so angry he punched the hand dryer off the wall and over tuned the urinal cakes. God may be a fictional being designed to help you from feeling pathetic and lonely and that you actually matter but he cares about who poops and where. 

Fuck famine and poverty, this has to be dealt with. I suggest getting a colostomy bag to avoid being offended.

  Should filthy red skins Native Americans even have "land rights?"

Senator John McCain is backing Hillary for preez .... she doesn't need it as she already has it in the bag. Prove me wrong Americans, vote for Trump and see Hillary still winning it. I was at the almost secret  Rothschild/Bilderberg group meeting in May of 2014 held in Broughshane which is near Ballymena. There was a astrological convergence overhead at the time and finding a virgin to sacrifice was near impossible, what a crazy night, we had to get one in from Eastern Europe for fucks sake.  

Trump said that McCain is only famous because he is a loser that got captured during the Vietnam war, you know, the one that America lost to gooks with pointed sticks. I'm sure saying that has nothing to do with McCain backing Hillary. 

As usual Trump is right. You had one job to do McCain, bomb the fuck out of civilians and anyone else then fly back for a cup of Joe and relax.  

Why do we have remembrance days? Fucken losers ya failed! Ya got killed. You don't have special days in honour of the Wal Mart sales assistant that refused to go to the back to look to see if they had anymore of that item. You don't see monuments to the unknown worker because you can't find one to reach the top shelf and they don't have inscribed on them, 'if it's not out then we don't have it' you don't celebrate the surgeon when they kill off patients because their golfing just won't wait. 

Too much mind blowing logic for ya? 

How about this. The Pope worships Satan. He only took in less than 20 Syrian refugees not out of compassion but because 1) they won't be missed when he drains then dry and 2) good help is so difficult to get these days. The Vatican treats its followers like shit but these outsiders can be whipped for the sake of their heathen souls .... even if they did convert for a free bed.
He could sell off one of his golden upside down crosses and house a few families for life. You ask 'well how many have you taken in?'  and I'd reply thousands more than him if I had his multi billion industry at my command.  The road to Hell is paved with good intentions so this was obviously him doing some road werk. 

23 people in the US have been shot dead by toddlers this year ... and it's only May. Never mind a war on drugs it's the kids we have to destroy. Bill Gates had the right idea releasing those Zika virus laden mosquitoes onto the werld but seriously the children are vicious. 

I'm no blaming the parents, it's in the constitution that children should be given guns. In my day at the age of seven we'd go out at night and kill a Helot, that was people owned by the state who would kindly werk for free .... aye they were different times back then but now kids are born knowing how to use a Smart phone and to shoot people. 

23 is a good number, in Pakistan 23 people have been poisoned when they ate contaminated sweets. The people that made the baked confectionery accidentally put pesticide in. Like you do. Barney taught me that it was good to share but you must also look at their faces and wait for any reaction. I'm no saying I'm paranoid but I bet you lot are saying it to all yer friends. 

You dinnae cum here for the grammar so who the fuck sent you? 

If the sweets don't kill you in Pakistan then Obama will. In 2009 his first drone strike leveled a hoose in Pakistan killing 10 militants .... well it turned out to be 9 civvies and the lone survivor a 14 year-old boy had stomach wounds, a fractured skull and lost and eye. Ach wee Fahim Quresh lived in Pakistan and so was probably going to be a terrorist anyways .... or at least after the US killed his family. 

They did another strike that day killing 5 - 10 civilians. I assume Obama didn't have a golf course booked or the weather wasn't good or something. In 5 years from 2009 - 2014 Obama killed 2,400 people, at least 273 of them were civvies. Far more that Bush with his pathetic 281 with 24 being civilians. 

People say how cool Obama is and how he'll be missed, not in Pakistan, Yemen or Somalia .... cuntries the US is NOT at war with yet keeps killing people there. Maybe it's his support of fracking that the people will miss.

Who the fuck needs clean water when there is affordable fuel to be had? We can always buy bottles of the stuff and what the fuck do you think wet wipes are for?

Radioactive tritium has leaked from 75% of US nuclear power plants and often into the ground water. You've probably read about it on the news .... well you have to pay attention to the little blurbs but it's out there buried under Kim Kardashian's fat arse.

More important than safe drinking water.

That's 48 of 65 sites according to the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission. Don't worry the levels are going to kill you safe and it's trendy to die from cancer these days anyways. No one has ever gone to New Jersey for the good of their health so whatever ... right?

Well I think Strontium-90 sounds fucken cool and hey drinking lead never did the residents of Flint Michigan any harm of gurn the fuck up and dry yer eyes, all 8 of them. If there was something wrong with the water the government wouldn't wait for a rogue scientist to tell the public, they would do it themselves immediately.

Or if there was a huge gas leak causing an environmental disaster and causing thousands to be relocated, Southern California Gas Co wouldn't wait 110 days before reporting it.

You stupid Americans and yer money grabbing ways. Europe is so much more eco friendly, you should learn from us ..... not Northern Ireland or the rest of the UK cos we burn tryes and rig car omissions tests and have started fracking but still, our hospitals are almost smoke free ... ish. At least the doctors have stopped smoking on the wards .... aye they vape now. 

Luckily radiation goes away after 1000 years or so scientists tell us because scientists are smart ..... which is why I listen obediently and agree with everything they say about climate change. Scientists are not like normal people and never omit or alter facts to suit their agenda of paying their rent.

We are all citizens of the werld so when the Japs build nuke plants on the ring of fire we should also share in the contaminated sea food. 
Black rhinos are extinct the Great barrier reef is dying and has to be called the no as good as it used to be barrier reef. Like algebra and bathing I've never had a use for any of them so it isn't as dire as it looks.  

I hope this post has taught you to be a better person. You are a part of nature as any flower or tree so don't feel guilty about eating factory reared chickens or not recycling because what ever you decide to do is natural and a part of God's plan. Since the cunt in the sky has a plan you have no control over yer life it's called predestination. 

Free choice is like free speech, you say "nigger" on Twitter after downing a bottle of beat the wife you are gonna have to say sorry. Like control yer freedoms are an illusion, it's up to the government and then that's up to God and he's a fucking fictional nutter that hates you.   

Hating gheys, keying yer neighbour's car then telling them it was kids or teasing weemen with my tight nylon not too piss stained troosers is God's will and totally natural. On Earth day I did shout racial slurs at school kids and it did feel good, "go on ya white bastards with yer flat arses and creepy blue eyes" so learn from Old Knudsen and be a part of nature cos it's God's fault. 

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