Monday, 25 April 2016

The Amazons Know Where You Live

What I imagine to happen every time I order off Amazon.

Ever since my friend who had no living family died suddenly leaving his bank card to me I've been ordering a lot off Amazon. I don't know what a Hercules Jogvision DJ control is but I have one. If my wax is ever cold I can put it into my wax warmer and my collection of beers, wines and spirits is coming along nicely.   

I don't buy just any old shite .... well I do but I often look at the reviews to tell me about the product as pictures don't tell you that the metal looking surface is just cheap plastic or that it doesn't work. Things also look bigger in the pics.

This person loved expandable pocket pussy and beads of woe but is that a helpful product review or just a feeling?  Can you tighten up the pussy if you had a micro penis for instance?

Yes you can ask questions and hope someone with a bit more gumption can answer you but do I want my friend to be remembered as someone with a micro penis?

Thanks, is that a review? Of course I hit the 'no' button and I hope they are properly sanctioned for wasting my time. How does this tell me anything about the TensCare itouch Sure Pelvic Floor Exerciser? There should be a 'fuck you very much' button. I'd tell these people what I thought of them except Amazon reviews your comments before publishing them .... as if they don't trust us.

This was from Sharon but I blurred the name to protect her identity .... her stoopid identity. We don't want yer life story, use the thing and then write a review you idiot. 

She hasn't used it but gives it 3 stars .... it only arrived yesterday doesn't say anything except that it arrived the day before today and that you haven't slapped some lube on it and shoved it in yet. No, that was not helpful Sharon.

Like writing an incident report. Instead of saying, 'At around 7pm The dark haired man walked over to the man in the red shirt and started shouting about alien invasions before punching the man in the red shirt and running off.'

Might as well right, 'It was violent' or 'A quick altercation.'  

There are worse reviews though.

Reviews about music usually invoke the failed music critic in many. This long and rambling piece goes into the 'read more' territory .... no thank you.

A review on Mumford & Sons .... how about dull, shite banjo music usually found in commercials, Dawson's Creek and elevators. If you like music then don't buy this.


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