Wednesday, 13 April 2016

How Hitler Took Over The World

Ready to give his enemies a good fisting.

Hitler was supposed to have lost the war but something happened that gave him the upper hand. In 2939 scientists figured out how to send people back through time.

Where would you go? Stephen King wrote about stopping the JFK assassination only to have that fat headed twat have a nuclear war with Russia.

Many highly original people say how they'll go back in time and kill Hitler. Would you smother baby Hitler in his crib? That sounds too nasty for some so in 2939 they to go back when Hitler was promising his hope and change on the election circuit and kill him then before all the atrocities really began.

A team of special ops were sent back in time to kill the Fuhrer, little did they understand that the men of 2939 had been turned into such pussies due to society endeavoring to banish hurting the feelings of others.

Even tree hugging hippies were put into prison as trees cannot give consent for a hug. Don't worry, prison isn't too bad because it's inhumane to punish people and it's voluntary. It is frowned upon if you avoid punishment completely though so donating to charity or planting a tree is fine ... though tree hugging offenders are given a ban on being 100 yards near to young saplings or nurseries.  

The team of 6 appeared in Hitler's office and asked Hitler to please take some drugs to kill himself as they didn't want to use their weapons in case the sounds startled any pets or children near by.

Hitler, a decorated war vet looked them over, he was startled and surprised yet after seeing the horrors of Hermann Göring eating his dinner he wasn't afraid. He slowly and quietly reached into a drawer and took out his Luger and hunting knife. The time team were having  last minute doubts and were arguing about the human rights of mass murders.

Hitler jumped over his desk and started shooting and slashing until nearly all were dead. His guards came in and took the injured time travelers to their own private hospital/holding cell where Josef Mengeles got their secrets and information out of them.         

Through the various time lines Hitler had loads of time travelers trying to kill him and all of them didn't account for his crazy mad kung fu skillz and savagery.

Using their tech from the future and intel they shared under torture the Nazis won world war 2. Joe Kennedy (the father of JFK) a known appeaser was made president of the US along with Charles Lindbergh as his Vice President.
Edward VIII along with Wallis Simpson became King and Queen of England and Sir Oswald Mosley became the Prime Minister. 

It wasn't unusual to have the Pope as a former Hitler youth or Nazi member, something we couldn't possibly know about.

There were purges of all undesirables and anyone who was deemed as not being loyal to the cause. The only Jews to be found were on reservations such as Disneyland and Disneyworld and inferior races (according to the Nazis) were used as slave labour.

There were mass deportations of non-whites to labour camps and many many huge walls were built to control populations and to keep riff raff out. 
The people were freed from the burden of carrying identity papers by having a microchip implanted instead.

The only acceptable music is polka and Wagner (no Backstreet Boys ... the horror! ) and if yer dinner didn't include sausages, cabbage and beer then your loyalty was put into question.   

With the future tech the Nazis built big fuck off Nazi robots and Hitler's own life was extended.

Now with Hitler's long life span and an uber aggressive brain washed army of robots and cyborgs the people of the world have had all the fight knocked out of them and no one dares even to protest.

Hashtags that say how great Hitler is are only allowed and signing a petition is signing your death warrant.... unless it's a petition to have more Nazi oppression or something.   

There is social media but it is patrolled by grammar Nazis who berate and mock people that use there instead of their .... hard to imagine huh. If you don't get enough LIKES you'll get sent to the labour camps.

Healthcare and genetic testing is free. There are no longer any chronic illnesses ... or old or disabled people come to think of it. Education is also free and school kids are made to say the oath of allegiance every morning.   

Hitler promised the Germans a thousand year Reich, in 2939 he sends a team of wusses back through time with all the technology he needs to rule a world, welcome to the 2 thousand year Reich.

Now if time travelers could stop going back to kill Hitler .... yeah, that would be great. 

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