Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Zombies Have Rights Too

So I saw this meme saying that if there was a zombie apocalypse there would be people protesting for zombie rights.

Of course that would have to happen after a while before some bored self righteous white folk decide to feel offended on their behalf. Yeah they prefer to be called Trans-living then you have the whole undead person of colour thing. Blue would be the new black. You can't say head shot anymore as that's totes offensive.

Even when dead, zombies are still people and have rights, for instance you can't sell or have sex with a dead body because of the whole being wrong thing or consent whatever the hell that is.  Legal and moral issues gives Old Knudsen a headache.
If that body is up and walking about its rights are bound to be more thought through. When can you kill a zombie? when it walks towards you? Maybe it was going to ask you for directions. If it grabs you it may just be harmlessly trying to get your attention as they can't speak very well.

 He was all shuffling about like this and he smelled like a Chink ... Chinks love me but zombies are weak, they gotta get smart.  
It'll be like a whole new class of disability for people to shun and for Trump to mock and for the government to cut benefits on. You can shuffle about and mutter brains ... so then you can werk in Wal-Mart or Tesco, benefits cut! 

Employers wouldn't have to pay a living wage.

I think the whole biting people and the spreading bodily fluids thing is not cool unless I'm the one doing it but you'll have some hippies saying that zombies should have rights and freedoms etc and how un-American it is to have zombie control. Only a good guy with a gun, or a small fence can stop a bad zombie.

In the UK we don't blatter on about freedoms, we're subjects to the Queen, not citizens and are grateful for whatever we're given but we do severely frown upon biting others.

In the UK we'd then beat them to death with our fists or anything that is handy ... except in the south of England as those soft shites would get eaten as they panicked.

In England they'd stop a zombie in their tracks with a stern word of warning. "Listen here chaps, behave or I'll be forced to call a constable ... oh you are a constable, what is your number and who is your superior? I shall be having words with them the very moment I finish my tea." 

In Northern Ireland we'd ask them if they had a problem and what are they looking at before bashing in their skulls, the Irish are inquisitive by nature. 

A typical American. 

Americans (all of them) are too afraid to leave their homes to go shopping without being armed to the teeth so during a zombie apocalypse expect a lot more toddlers shooting their parents by mistake. Those poor frightened Americans, even the idea of danger freaks them out how the fuck did they ever beat Hitler? .... oh yeah, that was the Russians. 

Healthcare for zombies would be a nightmare, "Doctor help me, I'm falling to pieces" .... "pull yourself together man." 

The NHS would be destroyed because of the fat zombies, the UK being the most porky nation in Europe NUMBER ONE ....YEEEOOOHHH! 

 Brits would finally have good teeth.

Then again zombies do seem to have near indestructible teeth so no need for that ... good news for Brits.  

Do zombies go through the stages of rigamortis? The ones in the movies are usually up and biting when they turn, I suppose it wouldn't be as dramatic if they just lay there and groaned for a day or so. Oh no, he's going to jump up and bite me within the week at some time.  

Bodies also bloat and explode, the zombie apocalypse would be as messy as Pornfest 3000 ... what, you've never been? This year it'll be in Leeds so yeah, take yer kids along too. 

I'm investing in yon disposable ponchos cos those sales are gonna soar. 

When the rage infected teens escape the secret government labs and spread the Z virus across the werld just try to remember that zombies probably eat love kittens as much as you do .... maybe more and just like everyone else need those validating LIKES and hearts on social media as we all need or we just don't feel complete or loved.   

Don't discriminate, Walkers had mothers too, well until they ate their faces off.


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