Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Man Of Action Makes A Cum Back

Tank commander outfit. 

Action Man is 50 years old. This toy from the 60's, 70's and 80's was fucken cool ... then it died, mostly because of Star Wars.

No back story or characters, the figures were soldiers, sailors and pilots, there was even a Native American Indian and a mountie outfits. The Injun had a long black haired wig which had all the ethnic GI Joes complaining about the lack of diversity. 
There was a black figure named Tom Stone that came out which was the only black fella many of us had ever seen.
I remember a long rifle than a spear. 

The TV commercials had Action Man skiing or getting away from the bad guys and there would be a ton of accessories to get. Back then if you got an Action Man tank you could probably take the turret off and ride it down wee hills and it would survive, toys today wouldn't, yon X-box doesn't even have wheels.   

Hasbro will be going old school and releasing 5 Action Man figures, this is good news for big kids like Old Knudsen as he has fond memories of mutilating his don't call them dolls action figures by throwing darts at them until they started to use the hard plastic that is because the darts just fell out of them then. 

Rubber back then wasn't as lasting as it is today and when they went with gripping hands you'd find that the fingers would fall off and they'd look like IRA bomb makers. The felt hair would come off too so you'd be left with the shape of hair but no hair.

Old Knudsen growing up on the Protestant side of things wonders if the Fenian cocksuckers ever gave their children action men dressed like Paras to play with. Maybe they had innocent bystander action men (complete with hidden M-16) and Para's to play Bloody Sunday in which the Paras all got shot?

GI Joes had a broader range and some of the figures they still make today such as presidents and war heroes etc are pretty amazing. The detail has gotten even better.

As well as the hands and the bodies changing they also gave them Eagle Eyes which meant you could move their eyes from side to side via a switch in the back of their heads.

I'll be buying them assuming they aren't millions of pounds. So many outfits that were mostly WWII and now they can make more such as drone operators and lady soldiers. HM Forces make their own 10 inch doll action figure based on the armed forces, and has females. If the British government can do it ... c'mon! The HM Forces ones do have small ghey looking heads though. Based on real service members I guess they didn't have any good looking ones available. This guy looks like he stepped in shit. The HM ones are about an inch and a bit smaller than action man.

Here is the Knudsen Action Man. There would be a pull string and a speaker in the back. The later versions used to have little records to play the various commands if he had a lot to say.

"C'mon chaps, move out and advance!"

The Old Knudsen figure has a back story about waking up in just his blue undies still half drunk and angry. The Eagle Eyes on this one were marketed as "Crazy Eyes" and he had some soundbites cos a Knudsen Action Man is bound to be a talker .... a lover, fighter and talker. I wanted them to put a working penis on it but they said no, so strap on's only .... story of my life, I can still fight and I never shut the fuck up. 

His soundbites were, "Tae, 2 sugars luv" ..... "Weakness is for the weak" .... "you deserve a harsh mocking" and "Feel my gripping rubber fists of justice."

The Knudsen figure liked to grip. 

The only problem was that they used some toffy nosed Sassenach for the voice as they did for all the military talkers as the ol empire mind set was still around and no region dialects were allowed.

My accessories included a half brick to throw and a sachet of fake blood to cover me in as that is usually how I wake up. For some reason it didn't sell too well and won't be one of the 5 re-released. I blame the stoopid accent.   

 Hasbro will also bring out the ol favourite Stretch Armstrong. I have contacted Hasbro and left them a message about trying a stretch Knudsen. Ach we're all grown up now so I'm sure we can deal with a toy and its expanding love member, never mind grown up's I'm sure the kids would love to play with it too.

Just don't slice it open to see what is inside as many of us did back in the day .... ouch! 

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