Monday, 1 February 2016

James Nesbitt Has The Luck O The Orish

The people of Northern Ireland don't speak proper. An education more interested in you remembering all the fairy tales of the Bible than talking good like the Queen does. There was a good reason that regional dialects were kept off the telly for decades.

You know us Norn Irish people, always ready to scream "racism!" when presenter Christine Bleakley isn't offered a job in England or gets subtitles ... aye, we're the fucken Paddy race and we'll cut ya. The Scots are a diluted version of us so if you picture an island full of Glaswegians .... you get the idea. 

James Nesbitt, a son of Old Knudsen's Ballymena where that other legend Liam Neeson was born stars in a show called Stan Lee's Lucky Man.  I don't know what Stan Lee has to do with it besides being an attention hoor in the title.
A Ballymena detective on the edge, living in London has a gambling addiction which ruined his marriage. He's also a bit of a dick so no stretch in acting for Nesbitt. He is given a magic bracklet that he can't get rid of and it brings him amazing good luck .... oh no, I'm doomed to keep winning the lottery.

I'm sexy for the UK ... just not enough for the US though. 

Why do they never play the lotto? The time traveler's wife, in that they did the lottery, instead Nesbitt bets on dog racing ... well I did say he was a dick, dicks like dog racing.

Most people are concerned about whether he is wearing a wig or has hair plugs but Old Knudsen's shoulders go up every time he speaks.
That's the US market out, they'll never be able to understand him. Old Knudsen had to clean up his own accent and slow down for the Yanks to understand him and even then if they just didn't expect an accent there would be a blank look. Americans go straight into condition black with that thousand yard stare when faced with something they don't expect. "Killer pads? why the fuck would I want killer pads which don't even exist? I'm in the air conditioning section of Ace hardware, maybe I'm looking for cooler pads ... oh for fucks sake, I'll do a mime."

Old Knudsen has long shed his Ballymena accent (on purpose) but will still speak fast when annoyed. My accent has been described as lilting ... so fuck yous.

Nesbitt lays it on thick, "c'mon big fella" he says to a card dealer in the first 5 minutes. He looks for the murderer of a Chinese fella named Lau. You may pronounce Lau with ow! when you hit yer thumb but with an 'L' at the front, Nesbitt goes around talking about Loy .... similar to the end of 'alloy.'

Remember the scene in Inglorious basterds when Landa was getting them to re-pronounce the Italian werds they were brutalizing, why don't people correct Nesbitt? C'mon people, lets show some real English/Paddy hatred going on here. "Fucken Paddy, cumming over here taking our jobs when e don't speak good like wot we do innit .... guvnor, cor blimey."   

Maybe it's the luck of the Irish .... the whole show is racist! By having a Paddy as the lucky man they are slyly giving credence to the luck of the Irish which started as a derogatory term to explain Irish success because it couldn't have been down to hard werk cos they are always drunk and fighting so it must be luck. 

 Preforming 'Three men and a lamb' at the The Braid Arts Centre in Ballymena

Liam Neeson, one of Old Knudsen's people I know with money close friends has got several werds written into his contract that he refuses to say on screen. He also refuses to suck cock ... on screen that is. 

The werds he won't say are:

Ferry or even Fairy .... what you'll get out of him are Furry, which is about animals having anthropomorphic attributes like walking upright and speaking. The expression "It would skin a fairy" meaning yes, it is rather cold today can be mistaken as being anti-furry as skinning one on a cold day would be quite harsh. 

Shower and combined with power shower is a disaster. You'd get purr shurr or something similar, a very difficult concept to mime yer way out of.  
If you are concerned for the poor this may also sound like purr. 

Neeson never orders a Latte or he'd be saying lattie. 

A Buffet could become an all you can eat buffy, which is great if yer a vampire slayer. 

There is a fella on Russian Toady Russian Today (RT) and he keeps going on about news updates on the ourr .... c'mon people, a little bit of effort, would someone please tell these yokels they aren't talking in English.    

Luckily Neeson and Nesbitt were raised sheep shagging cuntry bumpkins and didn't have the Belfast accent to deal with (another dialect Old Knudsen avoided) as then things like Top, Shop, and Box all become Tap, Shap, and Bax.  Yes it was funny when Top Shop opened in Belfast.  


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