Friday, 1 January 2016

Predictions for 2016

I will not do a deadpool for 2016, my last one was 2014 and I got three dead, Ian Paisley, Richard Attenborough and Leonard Nimoy .... 3 out of 60, then again was I really expecting Stephen Fry and Charlie Sheen to die?

Kirk Douglas and William Shatner mock me with their immortality.  

Did you watch Antman? Disney plays god by de-aging Michael Douglas but all that will do is get him to make more shite movies. Why can't they de-age Raquel Welch or someone more worthy? 

Old Knudsen's predictions came true for 2015. War in the Middle East, plane crashes and the Pope just saying stuff and people thinking he's great. Who could have predicted the Syrians becoming a more likable Palestinian? The dead baby porn isn't as good though unless they wash up on a beach then my social media gets clogged up with dead children, much like my truck until I put yon bull bars on the front. 

Here are my predictions for 2016. 

I will break up with January Jones .... in January and it shall be via text. The mists are clearing, it shall say, "It's time I started to openly see other people ... in the Biblical sense in case you didn't catch that, it's not me it's you ... laters."   

She shall be devastated as expected but she'll eventually move on and bone other dudes but she'll be thinking of Old Knudsen when she does it. No doubt some drunk dialing and naked selfies but she'll take the hint after a year or so. 

I see more plane crashes, those things really are not safe. Putin will win an award for bombing the most civilians and David Cameron shall laugh and remind you of the shit fit you all had when he wanted to bomb Syria. The Syrians will beg the British to be the ones to bomb them. 

Israel will continue airstrikes against Daesh but they will make a lot of mistakes and will bomb Hezbollah targets instead .... woops! 

The Pope will again call for werld peace and a redistribution of the werld's wealth and will add the werds, "this time I'm serious" he'll then release a rap CD and take a year out in Bali before approving a sainthood for Joseph Goebbels and people will love him for it because he reminds them of a kindly older relative..  His CD will be titled 'Queers are an abomination and go against God's will'  .... still, people will love him. 

In the US there will be more mass shootings, followed by increased gun sales. Obama will call for gun control after each shooting and people will accuse him of using the deaths of innocent people to further his evil goals of preventing more deaths .... has he no shame?  

 These fine specimens are ready to take on Marines and Navy SEALs in case of revolution.

The NRA will make an argument that the founding fathers probably meant fully automatic rifles and rocket launchers. 

The war on Christianity will continue when the size of crosses being burnt gets regulated and a couple who run a bakery will have their freedoms stripped away after shooting a ghey couple which they said was God's word to do so. 

A beloved author will die and people will pretend to have been fans of theirs for years.  

Jimmy Carter will die but he'll take George HW Bush with him ... and about 8 bystanders....  damn gas pedal.

Other famous people will die and the world will try to figure out if 3 went at a time or not as some are more famous than others. If Kirk Douglas, William Shatner and some classical composer all died (not that they ever will) does that count as 3? .... what if they were only famous in the UK does that count? The likes of Cilla Black or Jimmy Hill are hardly werld famous. 

Ben Affleck will announce his retirement from acting after people label him the worse Batman since Clooney. The next Batman will be Robert Downey jr who will also be the next James Bond. 

Prince William and Kate Middleton will have another child ::::yawn::::: The government will finally put a cap on what welfare benefits she qualifies for after Jeremy Corbyn tells Cameron that the public are sick of paying for her to have children. 

Nigel Farage will start up a new political party which he says is more honest than Ukip, it will be called Uknazi. Finally a party that speaks for the white pretend Christian common man. 

Donald Trump will call people names and make empty boasts. As well as Putin he'll get endorsements from Bashar al Assad and the President of Iran Hassan Rouhani, whom he'll refer to as great leaders. 

He'll say that Obama is horrible, Hilary is weak, we need to get tough, we need to get smart, we need to figure out what is going on and will say he's bigger and better than everyone. About half of the American population will agree with him but that doesn't mean they are racist or bigoted, they just don't like ragheads or beaners.   

The war against the Daeshbags will see many victories and real progress will be made, just in time for .....

Hail Hydra!

Hilary Clinton to become President of the US. Trump will claim she used dirty tricks or rigged the election. She will award Obama the medal of freedom he'll then write his memoirs in which he comes out as being the Anti-Christ. 

When you are as old as Old Knudsen you can see the otherwerld a lot more clearly than most as you have one foot in it so all this will come to pass like I says.


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