Monday, 7 December 2015

Lets Bomb Syria Into Happiness

A Tornado warning .... as in RAF Tornado ... lol! 

Tis the season to be jolly, blah blah blah, de fucken blah blah. The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, I changed my Facebook profile pic so much in support of the victims of atrocities that my account was flagged for unusual activity. Only white victims or cute brown children of course because seriously, if Santa doesn't see fit to visit Africa then why should I care? According to my e-mails the place is full of bankers and princes living it big with inheritances anyway. 

David Cameron had already had the RAF bombing Syria since last year but he wanted to really get stuck in there so he had a vote to get permission to bomb Syria. The public went crazy and suddenly cared about bombing Syria and so my FB news feed got clogged up again with dead children.

Why did Kim Kardashian get up the duff again? We need her selfies now more than ever. Luckily she just dropped her sprogg who shall be named John .... West as Kanye is a big fan of the John West no drain tuna.

I don't care about fluffy kittens so why do people think I care about snotty kids? Yes I'll tear up at someone being cruel to a dog but unlike kids and cats, dogs aren't utter cunts. All Old Knudsen requests is a bit of blind loyalty and obedience, is that too much to ask for? ..... maybe the odd lick at my old bitter balls when I cover them in peanut butter, don't you dare judge me!   

Lift yer own shite since yer owner is too busy pretending not to see you dumping.

All the civvies have been telling me that war is Hell. The way I see it is that war has been abused and used for gain, atrocities are committed and civilians who only want peace are always caught in the cross fire but should we really complain when there are 7.3 billion cuntbags in the world?

Yet again people are crying for brown people covered in dust and are even speaking up for Assad, "He was such a polite and quiet young man" aye who bombs his own people and tortures you for being ghey. I'm having flashbacks to Gazza as well as the Paris shooting when Hamas firing rockets and the Lebanon shooting was ignored because Je suis cheese eating surrender monkeys ...  so much nativity and hypocrisy.  

   The French rounding up the Jews for the Germans. 

While the shootings were a terrible thing to happen, Old Knudsen did not pretend to like the French for a week. Do you still like the French after they bombed the fuck out of Syria as a response to the shooting? I bet GW Bush does.

Oh Burundi is still on the brink of another civil war with 240 people killed since April by the way in case you didn't know. Is Darfur still a thing? The civilian population is being bombed in a fresh wave of genocide but since the Western media hasn't spoon fed you to care about it .... who cares? Aren't they cute babies that deserve attention?

All we want to do is look good, feel better about ourselves and take offense when a shooting isn't called terrorism fast enough. 

You can care but there is no point getting all dramatic over events you cannot control other than changing yer profile pic, a hashtag or a petition. 

David Cameron said that if you vote against bombing Syria you are a "terrorist sympathiser," no one had to threaten Hilary with name calling for her to vote for the wars of terror. He is just poking at the Labour leader and terrorist sympathiser Jeremy Corbyn because after the vote was passed he said what a long campaign it would be. They might have to use the really big bombs known as the baby busters to make sure they get the job done right.  

The British even have a bomb that scatters out Lego pieces for people to step on ... ouch, someone call Amnesty my vagina weeps international. 
   I vow that no school will be left standing .... terrorists love to hide in schools and learn shit you see. 

I don't know about you but if I lived in a Syrian town that the ISholes were coming to I wouldn't say, "hey lets hang around and see what happens, I'm sure they'll respect my secular view" I'd be swimming to the nearest Greek island, refugee me up you cunts, give me all the benefits!

The Russians, US, Turks, Assad and various Arab nations are all bombing Syrian towns, the Syrians should actually hope it's the Brits doing the bombing because we have these really class and very polite Brimstone missiles. Allegedly more acurate than the rest they have a smaller explosive amount so yay! the kill radius has gone from 50 feet to 20. We can totally kill people that might look like terrorists, in other werds brown people. 

That right there is surgical precision and if you knew the NHS you'd know all about surgical precision, "we'll cut you open and take a look as tests are costly and take too long, I have to clear the books for an audit you see."   

War fact: You have more chance of dying accidentally during NHS surgery than during a British surgical airstrike.

 The 70,000 fighters.

According to Dave there are 70,000 opposition fighters fighting Assad, does that include the 54 that the US trained? Yeah they couldn't find anymore than that and then 30 of them defected to al-Nursa with most of their weapons. 
I don't know what right the US has in backing the rebels, this is just an attempted coup that isn't so private. The shit they do all over the place.
Then they brought the ISholes into Syria to justify the west being there. They aren't fooling Old Knudsen with their pretend war against the ISholes.    

What if we didn't bomb Syria? Everyone else would and we'd feel left out. Also we supply Saudi Arabia with Brimstone missiles so Syria is like a sales demo for other nations to see

The Ministry of Defense and the Pentagon stopped asking for Old Knudsen's advice when he put WMD on a report he gave to Bush and Blair, it was supposed to say WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do) but writing in crayon hopped up on tequila and goof balls makes my hands a wee bit shaky.    

Here's what we need to do Obamer. Bomb Syria if you want, whatever, yer never gonna beat Assad cos the Russians are onto you so it's time to wrap it up a little before the election so Hilary gets in with no probs ... it's called the long game. 

Have certain Saudi sheikhs, (you know the ones) mysteriously contract MERS so they quit sending money to the ISholes. Play hard ball with Turkey, if they want EU membership then they had better secure their border and stop buying oil from the ISholes. Turkey also has to stop bombing the Kurds cos we need those fanatical moderate Islamic fighters as ground troops to werk with all the other foreign (but not western) fighters that we sometimes loosely call the opposition. We need to back up the fighters with air assaults hitting enemy food, water and ammo dumps, yes infrastructure will suffer, as will many civilians but that is the only way to kill the terrorists that shield themselves with innocents. If it was nice they'd call it pleasant instead of war.

Bombing Dresden worked well to destroy enemy support from civilians so why not Syria? When you bomb and maim you tie up resources and time that the enemy could use to mount an offensive.   

Blowing up children in Syria so they don't litter the Mediterranean beaches, very noble ....  war is in no way noble, it sucks but I'm of the opinion that many many people are in need of a good killing to make a better world, innocents do get hurt though and more would if these people become stronger.

A lovely bloke, loved killing children and fart jokes.

At least they aren't looking forward to Christmas. Remember the tactics of Genghis Khan to kill all the males that were old enough to remember how he had invaded and slaughtered, that is how to defeat terrorism.

Or you can do what South Africa and Northern Ireland did and give the terrorists government jobs and make them a part of the system, the Romans did that with the people they conquered but always left a Roman boss man to over see things.

If there is one thing to remember this joyful Christmas/holiday season it's that you can't have slaughter without laughter so quit being so down on it and enjoy.


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