Friday, 27 November 2015

To Those About To Shop We Salute You

The Purge: Black Friday.

The UK has been becoming more and more like the US over the past few years .... well what they think the US is like going by such shows like Jersey Shore. We even have our own shows just like that full of young douche bags with fake tans and low cut tops that reveals cleavage ....  and that's on the blokes.

 From the land of the free and the home of the brave. 

We can so out-douche bag those Yanks.

Brits are rude, pushy, self-entitled, fat diabetic American wannabes. Binge drinking and random street violence is the only British trait we have left. 
The Brits have committed genocide on so many people in their time that it's hard to pin down just one example in order to have a Thanksgiving. We do have the 5th November when we use sympathetic magic by burning effigies of some Catholic terrorists who tried to blow up parliament, that's nice and bloodthirsty and in Ireland we celebrated the widespread slaughter of the Pagans/snakes by St Patrick and his holy henchmen. 

No heartwarming tales of Boer war concentration camps or the cheerful slaughtering of Africans or Aborigines. British PR spin is kinda shite.

We just skipped the feed up and now have the sales on Black Friday .... I believe in the US they call it a Friday of color but we're barely out of the 1980's mindset over here. 

Tesco is opening its doors at 5am .... aye even the 24 hour ones. Nah I don't understand that either. Tesco don't do sales very well, if there are items on sale for cheap there will be about 10 of them and the staff get first pick and the rest of the people will be faced with the usual pretend bargains that they have. I don't shop at Tesco unless I don't have a choice, their restrooms are always covered with shit and piss and the soap dispensers and hand dryers never werk ..... after I'm done that is.    

 A fine US tradition.

Still, Tesco is one of the few places you can still shop lift from. If the door buzzer goes the security guard rolls his eyes and turns it off. 

Other stores have their sales too, I've not seen any great bargains but if it gets you into their store with money in yer pocket then they win. Most people just go for the Black Friday shopping violence anyways.  

 Buy one get one for slightly less on the TV's at Tesco. 

Last year 3 people were arrested for assault at various Tescos throughout England, in an Asda supermarket youths tried to take a TV off a woman and in a supermarket in London the shoppers were called "animals."

The police were so not ready for the crowds last year but this year we'll be expecting full riot gear. Fuck ISIS, this shit is dangerous.  



k said...

We named it Black Friday so that all who shop it will know, without doubt, the color of their souls.

Cathy said...

As a long-absent member of the uber-consumer this time of year, I have no idea what it's called here - though Fools Friday would do. When the Ghost of Xmas Future visited me, I saw the horror of going broke to buy crap for people I see once a year and smack-talk the rest, well I'm not that rich anymore. I like getting gifts though. My hypocrisy is in fine form.

Old Knudsen said...

I saw people buying TV's, it was just like on the news. Imagine people sitting there and thinking, you know, I'd love a telly, most people I know have one I think I'll check it out to see what the fuss is about.