Monday, 19 October 2015

Mystery Meat

Two years ago in London some prostitutes "meat experts" were able to sample burgers that had been grown in a lab and cost just £215,000 to make. Aye the price of meat is high enough thank you cunty baws. One expert said "close to meat, but not that juicy" and another said it tasted like a burger but that product hadn't been completed fully. Maybe they left out the percentage of bug bits, hair and rodent excrement found in all foods.

That same team want to sell lab grown meat within the next 5 years. I hope the price will be reduced somewhat or it'll just be the the likes of George Osbourne the Chancellor of the Exchequer that eats them for a 'just one of the people' photo op. "Just having a burger and chips like all you lowly plebs marvelous working class folk, oh I had to get a gourmet £215,000 one because McDonald's doesn't deliver." 

 Fresh stem cells.

Made from stem cells which is the tissue that nerves and skin develop from they thought, 'what's better than helping people be healthy?' ....  'burgers, that's what' It's true, they are better. There is nothing Old Knudsen likes better than shoving a Whopper into his mouth and swallowing all that meaty goodness ... strangling hookers and watching the life leave their eyes is a close second though.  

You wouldn't get a smile from a wee shite's face if their happy meal included some stem cells for worn out knee cartilage but turn that cartilage to a burger and slap some cheese on that fucker and you've got a happy wee kid who is not yelling or destroying something for 2 minutes while they are eating. 

I like this concept cos then you can tell the smug vegetarians and vegans to shove it, finally real meat, not some kind of vegetarian replacement but meat without the murder. Ach who am I kidding like we really care about the murder, tasty murder.   

The down side I see is no jobs for people who just came out of school with no qualifications but if they put on a chain mail glove and wave a knife around they can werk in the slaughter house. Or they can pluck chickens. 
Old Knudsen once went for a job as a chicken plucker but soon found out that it wasn't a euphemism, so he went home and choked his chicken instead while watching Linda Evans on The big valley .... like you do.     

I wonder if the North Koreans (according to Mike Huckabee) .... or most of South East Asia will ask for dog to be grown. But you can have beef, you still want dog? ... real dog lovers but total crazy fuckers that'll eat anything. Will Russians grow babies to eat .... who knows? It's a cultural taste I suppose.

My pocket pussy looks like a Mexican bandit ...nearly Movember again.
If you ate grown meat that was human would that be acceptable cannibalism? I'm still waiting for them to grow vaginas, you know, something actually useful. If science is the place where nerds and geeks werk you'd think they would have figured out their loneliness by now .... or are they all having ugly, awkward nerd sex with high IQ's and pocket protectors? Ugh! 

When you can go into Tesco and buy a pound of lab grown meat will Tesco still remove the flavour as they do with all of their other foods?
I foresee millions of roaming cows, sheep, pigs and chickens causing trouble cos we stopped killing them for food.
There will be outrage when an American dentist shoots Betsy a cow that some local people named for the lolz. Everyone loved that cow! .... that no one but a handful of people had even heard of.

I hope the vegetarians and vegans finally understand why we enjoy have to kill animals for food when the cows chase them down and rip em apart because they can smell the grass soup that they ate for lunch still on their breath. Animals have heightened senses and are stronger than us. Not chickens though, but they are creepy in a dinosaur way.

We kill those animals before they kill us and we eat them as a warning to others. Eating meat that hasn't suffered just won't be the same.     


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