Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Keep Taking The Tablets

So one day when I was up mount Sinai looking for remnants of Noah's Ark which turned out to not be on mount Ararat instead believe it or not when I found this stone block. I considered breaking it up and selling it to the Orangemen to throw during the annual 12th July riots cos they'd be into Holy land rocks being the lost tribe and all but then I saw some scratchings on it.

It was in the ancient language of the Angels called Enochian and sure my angel talk was a little rusty but it seemed like it was one of the original stone tablets as given to Moses. 

I didn't trust that fella, when he came doon off yon mountain with those tablets, slagging off my false idols telling me to take my dick out of yon dead pig because pigs are unclean or something stupid and I said, "That's what God gave you ..... seriously?" It was written in bog standard Aramaic with a Chaldeean accent, it had 'You shall not steel' for fucks sake. Besides the spelling (bronze age, what the fuck is steel?) it's kinda fucking obvious, oh don't murder either ... gee thanks for the tip I was just about to slay a Philistine hobo while doing a bit of coveting just for the lolz. Some people have to be told to not steal or kill? what morons.  

This other tablet told of the meaning of life and really got into the 'thou shall not be a dick' thing and to use yer common sense silly humans. No raping weemen or molesting children and everyone is equal, not just in lip service like the US constitution. No lobbing off baby foreskins, God believes in free will for fucks sake and that is robbing the child of his. The gist of it was to do what makes you happy as long as you aren't harming anyone .... the Christians weren't going to like this one bit. 

I went straight back to my hotel and had a wank. I had been planning on one all day and finally got some peace, then I e-mailed an antiquity professor Billy one ear about my find, the wank was nothing to write home about so I didn't tell him. Billy chastised me for contacting him on an unsecured channel and told me to get out of my hotel before THEY turned up, then there was a knock at the door.

I wondered what Billy had meant so I put it to the back of my mind to think about it for later and opened the door. A gun was pointed at my face.
Ohhh is that the new Glock? I inquired, he spoke in broken English, "I don't know name, just the sound it make when it keels" fair enough I thought.

I used my training to suss out the situation, he had the upper hand so I pretended to be afraid and raised my hands begging for my life, "where is tablet?" he asked rudely interrupting my ploy, "in my case, there are loads of tablets, get ya high for a week" I squeezed out some tears and soiled myself for effect.

With my hands raised the distance to grab the gun was shortened. I grabbed it, twisting it against his thumb and making him release it, thumbs have limits and are a weakness if manipulated right. I turned the gun on him and BAM!  After I shouted 'bam' I shot him in the face 3 times then I shouted, "WHO SENT YOU?"

Looking back I probably didn't need to soil myself and maybe I should have asked him before I shot him.

I had to get the tablet to safety before THEY returned, I pushed it into my case but with all the other tablets there wasn't any room so obviously I had to doon a load of pills in order to make room. After 12 hours of some amazing strobing lights I could finally feel my face again. The stone tablet and the dead body had gone and I didn't notice a thing, must have been the angels coming back for their stuff, some things are too dangerous for humanity I suppose.   

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Turning Girls Into Men

Men and women are totally different. While men enjoy hunting, fishing and golf, weemen enjoy having babies, doing the dishes and cleaning the hoose. 

That is a load of bollocks .... no one enjoys golf. I myself once played a round with the boys but got stuck in a bit of rough. I only tried it cos the fashions made them look so cool. 

Men and women are oddly very similar, same mental issues and needs as each other but depending on the environment in which they were raised or how their thought process came to be formed they may express themselves differently. 
Nature has made man more aggressive and stronger than females though many females can be just as aggressive given the right stimulus and fuck being strong, anyone with gumption uses tools as an equalizer. 

I look at the world and at the people in power and it seems to me that many are hold outs for the whole them and us status quo. The lines have become blurred and the battle is between those who can form opinions and those who seek their opinions elsewhere or just go with whatever they have always known. So many folks not being honest with themselves. 

Ever since the 70's the small town of Wolf Creek in the Dominican Republic has had a secret. No wolves or a creek, I don't know the name of the town to be honest. The small community has been a medical wonder as it produces Guevedoces this translates as 'getting your penis at 12'.

There have been several children who were born female but at 12 they develop cocks. All their early lives they are put into dresses and raised doing gurly stuff. Many don't like doing girl things but since they are indeed girls they get the easy bake ovens instead of the Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas.

At 12 they start to develop more chest muscles and some balls and a wab then all of a sudden Caitlyn becomes Bruce. These children have also been found in some villages in Papua New Guinea too.

 Nothing to do with the story, it just looks awful. 

We all know that in the first few weeks of life in the womb you are neither male or female. At 8 weeks you then get yer pair of X chromosomes for female or XY for male. Some say that males are females gone wrong with a leg missing from their chromosome but I say we are the next evolution of weemen and once we create a sex bot that can make a cup of tea we'll ...... er ok, I don't think I should tell you about that just yet.

The XY sproggs get a dose of dihydro-testosterone in the womb which turns their glands into pillars and stones but if they don't get that hormone that have a twat.
These kids seem to be deficient in an enzyme called 5-alpha-reductase, which converts testosterone into dihydro-testosterone.

I think that this is amazing as it breaks down the self imposed barriers we've put up between the sexes. At the time of puberty (around the age of 12)  the boys get second surge of testosterone which does the job of making a dick, nuts and some manly muscles. This does fuck the kids up at times as they can be bullied and have to change their name .... as usual it's problems caused by others and what they perceive to be the norms of society.

All those poor pedos who have to go into therapy when they find out they are not just child molesters but ghey too .... the silent victims huh.  

Some do want to remain females and have the operation. I do question why though. Are they sacrificing themselves for an easier life or is it just what they are used to?
Almost of the all of the Guevedoces showed strong heterosexual preferences so nature wins over nurture in that respect.

You are born with your default preferences.  

Monday, 28 September 2015

No World Today

If Christianity is correct then today is the end of the world so no one will be reading this. I say 'Christianity' because it does tend to make up a load of bullshit without evidence and promotes it as fact ... The kind of stuff I never do.
Did you know that Jimmy Savile, the ex-mayor of London had the minivan that he molested 200 children in blessed by the Pope when John Paul II was giving him his papal knighthood? .... true story bro.

Or is it?

I doubt the world has ended just as much as I doubt anything else from organized religion but I support yer right to be fooled by it, we all want to feel special. Look within yerself for the truth rather than to external lies from others.


Jeremy Corbyn Leaves ISIS

Jeremy Corbyn recently resigned as chairman of the Stop The War Coalition saying that he had to step down in a number of roles after becoming famous as the new leader of the Labour party.

He has also stepped down the Tree huggers against the military group and the Give Ireland back to the Paddys association. He will remain as the PR representative of Hamas UK and will continue writing his weekly column in Hezbollah News.

One surprise move was when he stepped down as deputy chairman of ISIS. As you know ISIS are the brave freedom fighters who are defending their land from infidel invaders, journalists and aid workers. They have been much maligned in the press for just being Muslim. Corbyn has been trying to help them over come the prejudices of the great western crusader war machine and the Zionist puppet masters.

Obviously the west has left them no choice but to fight to defend their oil and freedoms, they are the real victims here.

Corbyn believes that if the UK scraps its nukes and abolishes its military then the rest of the world will respect them and follow suit thus achieving world peace. Much like how Ukraine scrapped its nukes and then was invaded by Russia .... no, that's a bad example. Madagascar doesn't have nukes and no one has ever invaded them.

He also believes that everyone should grow a beard, marry at least 3 times and ride a bicycle. He will also help the British population by banning smoking and drinking and will introduce the vegan lifestyle should he ever become Prime Minister. He promoted vegan Kerry McCarthy to be in charge of farming and agriculture, she has said, "I really believe that meat should be treated in exactly the same way as tobacco, with public campaigns to stop people eating it." 

Soon you'll see meat eaters forced to eat meat at tables outside restaurants and standing in shop doorways scoffing a burger before having to go inside, there will be laws about eating a drumstick in yer car if you have kids inside and of course the price of meat will go up even more with pictures of dead animals on the packaging.

He will take religion out of the school curriculum and replace it with political pamphlet making classes. Rapists and Pedos who are victims of society will be given therapy rather than prison, a little kindness and respect goes a long way. 

Luckily not even the British public are stupid enough to vote in an anti-bacon candidate into number 10. They'll turn a blind eye to his anti-monarchy sentiments and his close ties with the IRA and Hamas but bacon is serious. Old Knudsen has shived people in the exercise yard over bacon.   

David Cameron fucked a dead pig's head, he is the leader we need and deserve. If Corbyn ever fucks a packet of rashers he may very well get into number 10, if there is video of it he might even rule the world.

Another politician has stepped down from an important Middle East job. Senator John McCain, the man who became a hero for getting shot down and held prisoner during Nam has left his role as Chairman of the Free Syrian Army training corp. He cited being too busy pushing Navajo off their land for the mining rights back in his home of Arizona to train a bunch of yahoos that stood no chance of winning.

How the fuck is a guy who picks up a gun and beheads what ISIS fighters they capture a moderate anyways? Oh he's just a little bit of a fanatic lets fund him.

US trained Syrian rebels just recently gave six pick-up trucks and a load of their ammunition and their lunch money to the al-Nusra Front this week in exchange for safe passage. That's 25% of the equipment the brave American tax payer gave them. $500 million was given to train 5,000 rebels though the first 54 who graduated were chased away by the nasty al-Nusra front.

The US had the same problem in Iraq, stop training troops to be pussies for fucks sake. Let the Yamam or NAVSOG train them, they're tough vicious cunts, even the Australian SASR would be better. 

Al-Nusra are the Syrian group linked with al-Qaeda but the head of the Free Syrian Forces said that they promised them not to drive the trucks into any American buildings. 

McCain has denounced al-Nursra as bullies and thugs and certainly not 'our' kind of radical, he did pour some praise on the Kurds in Syria .... but not the Kurds In Iraq as he didn't want to upset Turkey. 


Friday, 25 September 2015

Popular Cult Leaders

When the Pope isn't slut shaming women who have had abortions he is out there doing some PR. The Vatican has found that this Pope can be a serial killer if he wanted as long as he says some vague progressive things and smiled a bit. Yes people really are that gullible because the Pope is supposed to be good right?

Religion isn't fact based so those who get moist over the Pope can be compared to a chick who dates bad boys and wonders why he treats her like shit. I'll save your soul honey, as long as you submit to my will which is obviously the will of God because the smoke monster said so in 2013.  You worship because of your issues, not because it's true. If it's true show me some evidence. A leap of faith might work for a child at Christmas who has to sleep or Santa won't come but not for adults.

Amongst all the people invited to the White House were some LGBT Catholics, there have been those who have blasted this because well the Pope and his church don't like them and have snubbed them where ever possible. He has had a long time stance against same sex marriage even as a Cardinal in Argentina and has said it's a "destructive pretension against the plan of God" .... God has a Plan? he has also defined marriage as being between a man and a woman and that is the environment in which children should be raised.
Yes the hate is strong but since every other Pope is the same then what can you expect? I don't see anything wrong with inviting gheys to the White House, he has to meet them sometime and I'm sure his handlers kept them at bay so he wasn't infected with aids or gheyness.   

I was always told that Catholics had horns but no, Muslims do too.

Once difference is that the Pope thinks those born out of wedlock should be baptized (we need the souls) and single moms should be helped by the church ... like the Magdalene laundrys perhaps. Keep them in their place and make sure they know just how full of sin they are, as the father of the child gets a free pass of course.

Ach they just want more children to molest. The Pope complimented the American Bishops on staying strong throughout the child abuse scandals .... all 17,200 of them. He said they had showed courage and great sacrifice during a very difficult time.

Of course he didn't apologise to the victims, it was all their fault anyways. While as a cardinal in Argentina he obstructed and slowed any claims of abuse and with 42 pedo priests there, Bergoglio/Francis merely denied there were any in his diocese. (the largest diocese in Argentina) He was all for the church taking care of it rather than informing the police so you wouldn't have heard of most of it. Threats, gag orders and moving the priests to Rome, he also refused to meet with victims or their parents ....  so yeah, he's a nice bloke.

Old Knudsen doesn't do the stick and the carrot abuse thing very well as he tends to only remember the abuse. Nasty people can pretend to be nice but it's more difficult for nice people to pretend to be nasty. That is why the Pope does not fool me anymore than Donald Trump would. I understand people.

You don't vote for the GOP or even the DUP if you support equality and are a well rounded person for fucks sake. If the Vatican changes policy it won't be because it follows the teaching of love from Jesus, it's because it suits them or they were forced to.

Another cult leader who has the masses fooled is the Dalai Lama. He went from being a pampered god with servants who were more like slaves to become the #1 photo op for A- list celebs when the Chinese invaded Tibet and he bravely fled. He sits at the top of his social pyramid in a position of great privilege. At an estimated fortune of around $22 million he sure likes to promote peace and harmony without all the trappings of a modern life.

The Pope also champions against poverty from an ivory tower too.

Will the Dalai Lama reincarnate when he dies? Of course he will, the rest of the monks gotta eat ya know. Will China find and appoint a new Lama? .... ah when politics and religion clash then suddenly the magic goes. Like UFO's and moving Mary statues with the introduction of camera phones.

The Lama was asked if a woman could be the next Lama and he said yes, as long as she was attractive. He then assured the interviewer that he wasn't joking.

It seems that women have more compassion than men and so they are better suited to being Lama, he also said that she had to have a nice rack so his former self can play with them all day.

Pope Francis was asked if the next Pope could be a woman, he hasn't stopped laughing yet to reply.      


Thursday, 24 September 2015

Know Your Bombs

Thanks to certain teachers at a high school in Texas, Old Knudsen has found that now everyone and their granny are bomb experts. It's like yon American sniper movie when civvies all went on about how realistic it was .... except it wasn't, even with military advisers. The most real thing in that flick was the plastic baby.

The above picture shows you what a bomb looks like ... if you are Ethan fucking Hunt from Mission Impossible or maybe Jack 'do you know who I am' Bauer from 24. So that you know it's a bomb it is 1) in a case, 2) wires and a digital display screen and 3) the explosives, in this case the explosives are both square and in tubes to avoid confusion, sometimes the packaging may say C-4 if you go for a brand name type.

These bombs can only be defused in the last 5 seconds of the countdown just so you can look cool. If you do manage to defuse them the timer may beep at the end for dramatic effect.

In real life suitcase bombs beep so they can be easily found, moved or defused .... NOT!  

Old school insurgents love analog as digital seems very impersonal and bombs should tick for dramatic effect, what's in the box? I don't know but it's ticking ... oohh drama. Swiss terrorists use cuckoo clocks just to piss people off before they die.
Did you know that egg timers have killed more people than the AK-47? ... Yeah I may have made that up.

Old school bombs can be defused after you fret which wire to cut but then just yank them all out ... simples!

So yeah, that is what real bombs look like. You really were an expert even with no military training at all, yay you.

Then again this is also a bomb, don't the Tallyban know anything? I bet that's Lucozade in yon bottle as if it can give you explosive diarrhea I'm sure it can give you explosives.

Bombs may also have a cell phone as a trigger or may be activated by a garage door remote control. You see people playing Angry Berds on their phones, I see potential terrorists. 

You know what else looks like a bomb? A pressure cooker. If you see any of these getting taken to school then call Homeland security or at least mention it on Twitter. A pressure cooker can cause quite a large explosion with very little explosive.

Has yer little High Schooler taken yer hydrogen peroxide which you need cos yer roots are showing? I suspect the fucker has taken it into school to impress his teachers. Containers full of liquid also looks like a bomb.

Dirty old pipes also look like bombs too. You've never seen Jack Bauer with these because they aren't sexy bombs. They can have ye olde fashioned fuse down the middle or a wire connected to a battery and timer. If you use a current then be careful not to cause any friction or any gas build ups while making them if you like yer fingers. Otherwise gun powder or even match heads and a fuse are yer best bet.

You can always tell who is a bomb making terrorist is, they never laugh at my 'how many fingers am I holding up' jokes  

Did ya hear about the IRA man who blew up a car? He burned his lips on the exhaust ... ha ha ha fuck Paddy's are stoopid .... to be sure.   

During WWII the British Home Guard were taught to make pipe bombs and that tradition has been passed down to Northern Ireland's paramilitaries who mostly just use empty pipes to create a bomb scare cos they are cunts with nothing better to do.


Lastly, gamer babe Meg Tunny, she is da bom.

Now you know bombs. 


Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Sometimes A Clock Is Just A Clock

His t-shirt says NASA which means .. Nnihilate America Says Allah ... maybe. 

Ahmed Mohamed a 14 year-old from Texas brought into school a home made clock to impress his teacher. He was told to keep it in his back pack and this wasn't a problem until it started beeping. Texans freak out when they hear beeping, they get the urge to shoot it. In fact they are like that with most things. 

Ahmed was taken out of class and handcuffed. There has been a backlash because many people including Obama, Mark Zuckerberg and those NASA scientists types were pissed off because imagination was rewarded with handcuffs .... well it is Texas. 

If you watch Mission Impossible or 24 you'll know that this is exactly what a bomb should look like. If you don't get fantasy confused with reality you'll see it's a circuit board and a large time display without any type of explosives. 
When Old Knudsen makes bombs he ensures the time display is that big so people with poor eyesight can see the count down, it's health and safety rules. 

People are comparing the story to other cases claiming that it's about being overly political correct or even racist against white people, these are the same white people who remain quiet when countless black people get shot by police. 

The 7 year-old John Welch with ADHD was aiming for a mountain but his pop tart became more gun like. His teacher said he was pointing it and going bang bang. Do you know anything about boy childs? They can turn anything into a gun. Look, a stick "bang bang" no, it's a machine gun, "bababababa" then it becomes a club to smash things with. Welch got suspended and his pop tart permit revoked. 

There was another 13 year-old boy who faces second-degree assault when he inappropriately kissed a 14 year-old girl on a dare. Kids do stupid things but they should know that forcing a kiss, or anything else onto somebody is wrong. 
Neither of these two kids got an invite to the White House so it must be racism in favour of Muslims cos Obama being a Muslim and all .... according to Trump and his legions of doom. 

I'm sure there are plenty of window lickers that don't get invited to the White House, leave race and religion out of it and focus on the actions. 

Ahmed's father Mohamed Elhassan Mohamed, who is originally from Sudan, says his son fixes everything around the house like phones and computers. He'll be transferring schools soon so fuck you MacArthur High School.  
MacArthur as you know was the crazy ass General who wanted to nuke China during the Korean war. He was reassigned for the sake of world peace.  

Yes this was no doubt racial profiling and stereotyping, if they really thought it was a bomb then why leave it half the day and not evacuate the school? Kids do stupid things but in this case it's the adults being the window lickers. 

Ingenuity should not be rewarded with a slap down, it's a pity that some people can't see a brown Muslim kid in any sort of positive light without trying to tear him down ... c'mon white kids, enough with the sexual assaults and breakfast guns, do something intelligent. 

Bristol Palin, the spokesperson for Unplanned parenthood complained that Obama was stoking racial tensions and should stay out of it. Again with people going on about race but really meaning religion. 

They are being sectarian, not racist ya stupid plebs though being brown is pretty handy for racists too. Religion has always been a handy excuse to commit atrocities.    

If you have a problem with Ahmed Mohamed it isn't because he's brown, the US is full of brown people. To racists, brown and Asian people are way more acceptable than black folk ... that is why it's black lives matter even though blacks are only 13% of the population yet still seem to get shot and jailed the most. Strange that.

You have a problem with his name and where his father is from and of course religion ... all the same things Obama has and still has to face today, is it any wonder he invited Ahmed. The cunts maybe against you but you too can push past their prejudices and lies and become president.  

If you wish to get outraged then be outraged at all the sectarianism in Texas that led to this event. Did single mom and mother to be abstinence champion Bristol Palin speak out against the draw Muhammad competitions? ... no I don't believe she did, that was pure shit stirring. Other places too, there are still Sikhs such as Inderjit Singh Mukker getting beat up while getting called a terrorist. 

Ahmed was interrogated by police without a lawyer and though he was apologized too by the school he still got suspended so that blows the whole, 'he got invited to the White House while others got punished' theory. 

Quit panicking about Muslims under the bed ya cowards. Think about yer common ground. Muslims believe all that crazy ass shit that Christians do and have the same hates and prejudices, there are also some good Christians, Jews and Muslims who embrace reason and empathy though are obviously still pretty gullible when it comes to faith but that has more to do with insecurity and brainwashing yourself than actually believing. 

Ahmed speaks English (murican) better than many (Trump) he has embraced Western culture fully and hopes to go to MIT. He is all the things that tea-bagging muricans insist that immigrants should do and more. He may be the head of NASA some day or maybe president so get over yer issues and be more nice to him and all the others who are not terrorists.     


Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Ask Old Knudsen And He Shall Enlighten

You've got a nice ass, reminds me of my daughter's. 

I haven't had an e-mail asking for advice in ages so I was happy to get this one.  

Dear Old Knudson

I'm a long time fan and reader of your blog Old Brittle Balls and I'd like to know what advice you can give me about awkward small talk. 

I often get cornered in a shop or at a bus stop and I'm usually too polite to ignore it so I smile and laugh but inside I'm dying and would like nothing more than to stab them in the face with the Rambo knife I carry in my purse. I hate myself afterwards because I didn't do anything, please help. 

Stabby in Huddersfield  

Dear Stabby

British people like to think they are quaint and charming when they engage a stranger in the street in conversation but the reality is that they are boring and probably lonely for a good reason. 

Try not to think of people who engage in small talk as human though remember there are some silly laws about stabbing people that you may want to read up on. 

When someone says, "It's a blowy day, I heard it'll probably rain later" you are well within your rights to say, "do I look like someone who gives a fuck?" stating the obvious can be like an illness for some, of course it will rain later, at some point. Tell them how you can predict the weather by tasting the droppings from yer cat and how you never leave home until you do, it didn't taste very rainy today. Stating something weird in a serious deadpan manner is an enjoyable past time often employed by the old though anyone at any age can do it if all their fucks have been given.

Then there are the chirpy people. Why are they so chirpy, haven't they been following the refugee crisis that has suddenly just happened from out of nowhere? ... it's an invasion of drug dealing rapists and what's worse is that they are foreign .... all those halal drugs will drive doon the prices of British drugs, you mark my werds, economic collapse for the good white British dealers.  

I take a page from my sister's book. Whenever someone says anything to my sister Jamelica she thinks of what bad things might happen and cuts down yer day with them. "My son is studying for his a-levels" .... "I hear A-level grades have really gone down over the past two years and employers don't value them anymore, not that there are any jobs unless you have a degree, I'm sure he can get a job in KFC or somewhere like that, is his heart ok? I'm always hearing about young men just dropping dead from stress, you actually look a little tired yourself like my uncle just before he died, do you need to sit down?"    

Never tell Jamelica about births or marriages or you'll live to regret it. No one makes small talk with Jamelica now, in fact no one really talks to her at all anymore. Luckily she is ugly, well boring and not rich so what is the point of talking to her?

Fun topics to put people off making small talk. Talk about your sex life in detail, discuss mental health, anal bleaching, dog fighting or cannibalistic desires you have. 


Monday, 21 September 2015

Cameron Defends His Pig Sex Act

I'm gonna look after you real good.

A book by Lord Micheal Ashcroft, the spurned lover of British Prime Minister David Cameron describes how Cameron (during his university years) put his penis into the mouth of a dead pig as an initiation into the Piers Gaveston society, a private club well known for its drug and drink fueled excesses,child sacrifices and Satanic rituals and orgies. 

The claim cums from several MP's who have seen photographic evidence of the act. Pig fucking/love making has recently become a trend with celebs and politicians such as Richard Dawkins and many of the GOP White House nopefuls in an attempt to show their disdain for Islam. 
Donald Trump starts every political rally with a pig hump to whip the crowd into a frenzy, of course only leggy blonde pigs.   

In a statement Mr Cameron said, "I have nothing against the swarms of benefit sponging migrants or against the rising tide of Islam in general, I was young, high as a kite and in my defense she was a totally babe .... at least it was a severed pig's head and not a chubby intern lol."   


These Are The End Times So Eat Up

I'm looking to the sky to save me, looking for a sign of life, looking for something to help me burn out bright.

I don't understand cult leaders who pin down a date to say that the mothership will come or how all the good people will float up to the clouds and fuck 72 virgins or something. Any good cult leader such as the Pope will keep it going cos their life is good and you don't want to spoil it for the next old white man in a dress.

Did Marshall Herff Applewhite jr and Harold Camping actually believe the shit they were coming out with? Did they go full retard? 
The followers of Pyotr Kuznetsov who lived in a cave in Russia for 6 months in 2007 left their hole and still 14 of them still believed even though the world did not end. 
Applewhite had already led people out to the Colorado desert in 1975 to get beamed up which as we know didn't happen and in 1997 he talked 38 idiots (including the brother of Nichelle Nichols or Uhura) to drink some apple juice vodka and drugs then put plastic bags over their heads to aid their beaming up.

Camping didn't just get it wrong in 2012 he also had a failure to perform in 1994 too. Luckily people were just done out of their savings funding Camping's crazy ideas.

The Reverend Mr. John Hagee, the pastor of a Texas superchurch wrote in his book Blood Moons: Something is About to Change that the end is nigh ... again. He isn't Jewish but he's a Christian so he tacitly believes all yon Jewish shite such as the owning of slaves, killing yer neighbour if they work on the Sabbath, not going near those unclean weemen who are on the rag etc .... Not going near menstruating weemen is a no brainer, do I like random and sudden violence? Well I do but not against my person.

The 28th September is the date for the end of the world, yep we've just got a little ... LOOK, there's Jesus! nope my bad it was only Russell Brand. No seriously there he is, he's back, look busy.

Oh, it's just Jared Leto and some bloke. I don't think he's coming back ... he's no Buffy the vampire slayer who actually DID come back from the dead. Yeah I believe in Buffy, Jesus can fuck off.

The conspiracy nuts lovers are posting videos from French psychic Jacques Nietzermann claiming to have been made in 1980 in which he predicts 9/11, Obama being preez and a bearded lady winning the Eurovision song contest. 
It's a con, the original video said the world would end in 2012 and that he couldn't see past that but now there is a bit edited in that says September 2015, someone really wants you to believe this. 
I'm done with people predicting the future as it's usually bullshit, sure some like myself may predict things (like the big war in 2020) but that's not from some alien spirit guide named Marvin, that's from past patterns and the weapons they are building to be ready for 2020. If someone predicts the future they are talking shite unless they give me exacts. 
Even the medieval Irish chief Cormac mac Airt knew, he said that anyone who claims to be able to tell the future was a liar, I don't question the chief. So many psychics over the years and so little proof.     

Then there was Operation Jade Helm that ran from 15 th July to Sept 15th in Texas, Arizona, Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi, New Mexico and Utah. Crazy fuckers Concerned citizens said it was a psychological ploy to get people used to seeing troops on the streets so they could take their guns, these people were extra freaked out when they heard that some Wal-Marts were closed which meant they had to put on some clean clothes and shop at Target instead.

Obama didn't declare marshal law like how he was supposed to and the Chinese didn't invade and put the people into the closed Wal-Marts or processing plants .... no one cares. Were the troops getting ready for the disaster going to happen on the 28th?

 Touch my snake and say amen!

Bible thumpers like Hagee have said that after the blood moons there will be an asteroid strike, probably in Texas YAY! Besides Florida I can't think of anywhere better.

A leaked memo or a classified document posted on the NASA website and then allegedly deleted told of an asteroid PDC-H5 that will hit Texas on the 28th.

Maybe it was an e-mail or maybe it was on a rolled up piece of paper up some Iraqi's ass. The ass map or whatever it was tells us that NASA are keeping the truth from us. The Bible thumpers all cheer, you mean after years of going to church and reading that poorly written book it was actually true ... no, not really.

 Yes Adolf you've been a good boy.

Imagine grown adults believing that some hippy can walk on water and cure lepers by touch, shame on you for being an idiot, just don't go spreading that bullshit to yer kids, the Santa lie is bad enough. There is something more, it's just not anything that can be defined by man because we're just apes without a clue. Can an ant tell you all the secrets of the universe? Man's greatest gift is that he/she can make up shit to fill in the gaps.  
Of course the world will end on a Monday, who likes Mondays? 

The religious fundies will say, "well it's a leap of faith" or "you just have to believe" which is what we tell the kids about Santa, the Tooth fairy and the Easter fucking bunny and we've accepted that all of that is bollocks .... or maybe not and if so I apologise for being the one to break it to you.

Devote yer life to the gospel then die with no proof, reason or logic involved, that's a pretty big gamble to waste yer life on, life is short and you only get one go. It's like people who after 60 years of working look back at all that time they missed with their family and see the waste of it all. No one has ever said, "I wish I had spent more time at work."

Just in the hopes that if you say the right incantation and give the right offerings then that a magical being will show YOU favour and if you follow the right deluded preacher who knows better than you, it's all very primitive and quite selfish, we are special and chosen, save us.
Enjoy the end of the werld next week or you can disregard it like how all the other times the preachers and prophets have been wrong and wonder what else they can be wrong about.

Unicorns from the Bible ..... not real either .... sorry. 



Friday, 18 September 2015

The Great Chair Conspiracy

Ritz Hotel, 1919 During Old Knudsen's birthday party.

I recently did an online test on face recognition with faces being upside down and different expressions and of course Old Knudsen was well above average. It was for a study by a university, not for the CIA then they picked an inanimate object and show you different types of it for 10 seconds then you have to pick them out by memory. They chose chairs as the object cos who the fuck is an expert in chairs?       

Old Knudsen is, he scored in the top 5%. 

I have long known of the great chair conspiracy that once yer eyes are open to it you will never be the same again. Old Knudsen has an aye four detail, a flair for the dramatic and a brown eye that never stops itching.

 Land of the living dead, sometimes the chairs are a different colour and sometimes the pad it different. 

 Mr Robot. 

Dominion TV show .... I was only watching this shite for a friend ... yeah that's it.

Marvel: Agents of Shield.

Dr Who. 

Doctor Who 50th anniversary with baps.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford .... the chairs were the best part of that movie.

Wedding Crashers. 

Wolf Blitzer at the Madison hotel, Washington DC.

There are many more examples and now they know that we know.