Monday, 20 July 2015

The Vanishing Wasp

Bug scientists in Cheshire who were studying the declining wasp population have stumbled upon a startling revelation during the wasp cloning process.

"We noticed a serious decline in wasps and so cloned some the size of crows so they would be easy to follow so we'd see where they went to." said professor Green from his secret lab in Cheshire.  

They noticed something similar to other animals that they had worked on while employed by the cosmetic industry. Wasps share a gene found in spiders, goats, sharks and cats .... They have nicknamed it 'The cunt gene'.

The gene can also be found in some small dog breeds and moths that make you flap your hands and cause you to do the derp face .... stop flapping, they are totally out of reach and are laughing at you.

Animals that get on like cunts all share the gene, professor Green is hoping to get enough interest in his work to start human studies. This could explain why people who seem interested in helping you during a time of need just don't bother to turn up when they say they would.

Some animals are just cunts. If yer spouse sat around all day licking his bits then after you fed him he takes a shit in a box of grit in the kitchen and then stays out all night looking for pussy you'd probably have some stern words to say to him.

Or if yer girlfriend went around biting strangers saying she mistook them for seals and was just curious, that may cause a few difficulties.  

Studies have shown that 8/10 cat owners suffer from low self esteem and think they deserve how their cat treats them .... and they probably do deserve it, cat loving tossers.

Professor Green added, "If we could turn off the cunt gene in people then maybe women would see past my balding head, diminutive stature and large belly and see me as a person .... fucking bitches!" 

The professor asks the public in and around the Cheshire area to let authorities know if they see any large wasps flying around as he has misplaced a few.

"They fly surprisingly fast." Said the bewildered scientist.


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