Friday, 31 July 2015

Robert And The Spider

Robert the Bruce fought with the English 6 times and 6 times was be beaten, he fled to the safety of a cave on Rathlin Island (Northern Ireland) while the evil puppy raping Sassenachs searched for him.

He was tired and heart broken as his army was scattered and broken and then he saw a spider building her web. Six times did she throw her web to try and reach the other side and six times did she fail. Robert watched entranced by this little creature battling the harsh breeze.

The spider didn't give up and did not lose heart and made it to the other side.


Robert thought about the spider never giving up and rose to his feet. He then squished it with the tip of his sword scabbard for he didn't want it to drop into his mouth while he slept ... for they do that sort of shit.

After a good spider free nights sleep Robert the Bruce said fuck those cunts I'll set about them and forced the English out of Scotland at the battle of Bannockburn in 1314 and became king.

The moral of the story is that spiders are stubborn wee shits that will nest in yer mouth and let its spider babies eat yer eyeballs and that the English don't like the cold steel up em.  


2 comments:

Вячеслав said...

I loving a good history.

Old Knudsen said...

The Best thing is that it's all 100% true which is why a squished spider is on the Bruce coat of arms.