Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Close Enough For Government Work


Queen Nefertiti ruled Egypt alongside her husband Akhenaten in the 14th century BC, her beauty is legendary in fact her name translates as "a beautiful woman has arrived." Old Knudsen was once married to a Sharon which translates as "oh fuck her she comes." to commemorate Nefertiti's beauty and to show what modern day weemen could do if they put the effort in a statue was put up at the  entrance of the city of Samalut.

Sharon also inspired artists to capture her likeness. 

The real sexy Nefertiti sits in a German museum all safe from the sandsavages who would probably destroy her. We need to take all the cool stuff from the ancient world just in case Daesh want to behead any statues. 

Some hilarious Egyptians have suggested that the new statue was what she looked like 4 days after dying. I'd love to see the artist as they go, 'yeah, fucking nailed it' then again art is a representation of what is inside .... ah fuck it, it's terrible.   
Nefertiti was a babe and now she's gone all Grace Jones mixed with Rachael Dolzeal.  

Remember when some old biddy wanted to make Jesus look better? I think we've lost our natural abilities to be artistic . Luckily we have computers to do all that now.
Jesus won't eat his cereal.

Then there was this Frozen cake. The Internet, goaded by a news outlet harshly mocked this cake. Then when that news outlet had all the facts and did another story that turns out that it was a charitable donation to an ill girl and the cake maker's Ma had died during the making of it ... wha wha wha it's the kiss of death cake full of sorrow, regret and sugar.  I wouldn't feed that to an ill child, all that bad mojo inside it.  

Yes the cake maker was black and probably thought Elsa looked too weird and that her features weren't strong enough .... I bet the cake maker's Ma looks like that. Now the Internet feels bad for having mocked the cake, even if it is shite. 

The more I look at the cake the more I want to nibble on those shoulders. 

 Happy first bleed, now get on like a cunt as you bleed from yers hooray!

Which leads Old Knudsen's mind astray. I pictured in my head a sex doll made out of cake, aye to bang away at it and then eat that creamy filling .... surely it's been done before. 

Plenty of baby cakes though.  

Made by weemen of course, all they think about is babies and doing house werk. 

 An artist made a doll of herself and served it cake????
My Internet search on sex dolls was long, hard and anti-climactic. Is it possible to do a search on cake sex dolls and not end up on the Real doll web site with yer cursor hoovering over the add to basket button? 

Maybe I'll take up baking but with the mouths open of course. Cumming soon to the shelves of Tesco.  

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