Sunday, 28 June 2015

Are You A Real Man?

Back in 2007, 15 British sailors and Marines were surrounded and captured by the Iranian Republican Guard. They were paraded about and forced to give false accounts of what had happened saying that they had gone onto Iranian water when they didn't.

Sailor Arthur Bachelor complained how the guards would call him Mr Bean and they'd flick his neck and how he cried himself to sleep when they took his iPod away.  Ach sure you don't expect the navy to be tough but this was terrible. It made Old Knudsen wonder about when did men become such wussies.  

You want to have sex with us? ... then you have to understand us. 

Weemen are cruel, Machiavellian creatures that can smell weakness like a fart in a car.  Men stopped being real men not when they had to explore and develop their own feelings but when weemen insisted that they understand what the woman was feeling.

They had taken years of being at the mercy of men, sure they had the vote .... they could vote for which ever man they wanted. Then men got clever and invented the birth control pill.  

"I wanted a pill for women so I could fuck them all day and all night without catching the baby disease, cos I loves the pussy."  ~ Dr Gregory Pincus.

Female rights activist Margret Sanger actually made the men behind the science think it was their idea. Like I said Machiavellian.

Before you know it weemen are in control of their own destinies, having careers and saying shocking things like how they enjoy having sex. Then they are ruling small cuntries and getting blown up in space like the men .... it's crazy!

Since weemen are doing more than just the dishes, laundry and cleaning that they are usually happy to do they now expect more from men because they themselves are capable of so much more.

They now expect men to have opinions about dresses and colours and remember things like birthdays and anniversaries .... men had to grow up!

     Real Man Burt Reynolds in Gator. 

You know the trap guys, you are sitting there with yer lady friend having a perfectly fine day and then she ruins it by saying, "what are you thinking?" how many times have we been caught out and have actually said something? 

A good man knows that she isn't interested in what you are thinking she is merely demonstrating her power over life and death. So you come up with something ahead of time, "uh I was singing the theme to Scobby Doo in my head" it's such a contagious song that it could be true. Laugh it off that yer such a bimbo, situation defused.

Joy, rage, hate, fear .... should all look the same on a real man's face.

So years of being told it is ok to feel and seeing yer movie heroes go from Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson and John Wayne to. 

You just can't help but to like him. Even as the dark and brooding caped crusader he was still very non-threatening.

This is the most delicious pie ever!

Real men look annoyed all the time, the only pets they have is a medium to large sized dog or a parrot. They smoke, drink and fart usually at the same time and think nothing of it. Interior decorating means the head of some animal up on the wall, real men don't feel pain ... well not when people are looking. Facial hair makes the man cos who has ever complimented anyone on having a fine manly soft shaved chin? It doesn't happen, side burns and nose hair are manly too. 
Real men don't go to the gym to pump iron in front of a mirror, they lift trees and small cars for fun and when they get their hands dirty it never comes off, except onto the clean bedsheets. A real man never hits a lady .... unless she is a crack ho that owes him money, he never lies cheats or steals except when it suits him and he doesn't make threats to people, he just does it.

You see how hard it is? .... er I mean to be a real man in this climate of what are you thinking? So yeah, I'm blaming weemen, no I'm not blaming the men, thinking with our penis got us through the fucking ice age, I refuse to apologise for it. I do apologise for using my penis to key in my pin number at the Nat West ATM, I just wanted to see if I could .... do they all have cameras? They should say so on them. 

The last bastions where real men live are those places not included when we say The West, yep South America, Africa, Russia, The Middle East, China, Australia .... all those places that still treat weemen like shit, well more so than us. Germany doesn't count because they only have one gender there. Being a real man is a big like being a stud, both titles thought up by men that if weemen did it they would be frowned upon but boys will be boys.

People tend to want a real man somewhere in between being a total cunt and a boy scout and complain when we get the mixture wrong, lets just work at being men and see if shit gets real.  

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