Monday, 29 June 2015

25 Good Reasons To Join ISIS

Looking for a challenging career in which you can get a head?

What are the signs that yer kid is about to run off and join ISIS/Daesh? Could it be the growing of bum fluff on their chins? ..... very odd for gurls to do but still. Maybe they refuse to eat the pork chops you've cooked and they spit at you and call you an infidel pig?

A plane ticket to Turkey is usually a give away, who gives kids that kind of money anyways? In my day if you did all the chores and helped with dinner you'd get beat and told how lucky you were to have what you have .... and we were lucky.

If yer teen is surly, avoids you and spends all their time up in their room on the Interwebs then either they are a "normal" teen or they are about to go jihad. If American they may be about to go on a shooting spree.

Old Knudsen often sends pictures to his friends who in turn take pictures of them holding the  picture. 

If any of that worries you then there is only one way to be sure, check their trash can. If yer kid doesn't have a cold or allergies but the trash can is always full and smells like a Thai food restaurant then they are just wanking a lot and sexting etc, normal teen stuff. If the bin is the usual trash then check their Interweb history, any parent worth their salt knows not to show their child how to do this, it's the one thing you just happen to forget to tell them.

 Beautiful Raqqa in Syria.

So I was on yon dark net talking to some Jahidis on Hatebook and they accused me of having anti-Daesh views that was probably based on them being brown skinned and so I was deeply ashamed.
Was Old Knudsen using his white privilege to judge? It is awesome being white though, you never get stopped by the police and always get served in shops first .... well our police are kinda shite and don't like conflict and I always jump queue cos I'm old and don't want to die waiting to buy a fucking scratch card.
In Northern Ireland we don't have many darkies but I'm sure the ones we have get treated with courtesy and respect cos we're Irish and friendly like.  We don't single people out nor are we racist, all Asians get called chinky no matter where they are from, all blacks are African and all brown people are pakkies, we is very respectful of cultures and traditions because we know what it's like to have yer culture and beliefs disrespected and so wouldn't do that ... unless yer a Fenian or just look like one of course ..... or Dutch, who likes the Dutch huh?   

ISIS/Daesh/cocksuckers asked me to write some kind werds about them to show I wasn't racist and also to encourage recruitment to replenish their ranks of fools, idiots and loonies brave fighters to fight a holy war against western influence as you can see on their Youtube and Twitter accounts. I follow Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi on Instagram, can't wait to see what he's having for dinner tonight.

Abu Khaled ,  Abdullah Emir or Colin is a famous Australian boy who got attention when his parents outed him as being 'as white as rice' ..... I suspect they don't mean brown rice. Daesh have been more accepting of Colin and have encouraged him to be himself, something his family never did. An ISIS spokesman said: "Come join us at our luxury resort and spa in Raqqa, we won't judge you because Allah doesn't mind who blows themselves up for him as long as they take some enemy with them."

Offer does not include Christians or gheys terms and conditions may apply.  

Colin never had a gurlfriend and now the gurls are lining up to meet him. Not that they have a choice. 
The Yazidis are touted in the western media as being Christian, lets not forget how they stoned 17 year-old Du’a Khalil Aswad to death for running off to marry a Muslim boy in 2007. Westerners fail to understand the ways of the sand savage and try to compare them to ourselves which is how Jesus became white.

There are other gurls who really want to meet Colin and his friends.   

ISIS deny the rumour that they use western members as suicide bombers because they are soft and useless, females get used as cum bucket/slaves wives for brave fighters and get elevated to an important social status and if yer husband dies you'll be given a new one ... arranged marriages can be soo romantic. 

Raqqa is one of those cities you should see before you die, it's green and lush and always a comfortable 72 degrees Fahrenheit. The malls offer the best in variety and quality, you can find a koran, burka and AK-47 all in the same place ..... it even has soft toilet paper. 

A-list stars? Raqqa also has the highest concentration of failed British rappers that no one has ever heard of .... because they are just soo cool an street.

Do not believe pictures like this that shows Raqqa as being a butt fuck dustbowl where people (women) walk about in black robes carrying their 10 kids in 100 degree heat, that is just western lies. ISIS also do not show beheadings to young children and brainwash them with scripture, they have the best health and childcare system in the world. People joining all the time you get to hear all about yer favorite TV shows and movies, everything is so personal and real.

The real Raqqa that the west wouldn't show is a paradise and everyone has Crystal, Maybach, Diamonds on your timepiece, Jet planes, Islands, Tigers on a gold leash ... all halal of course or in Raqqa we say halol cos the place is soo much fun ..... lol!

The thing that Jahadis always show foreigners to get them to join ISIS is Nutella. As if that makes everything all worth it.   

Of course ISIS have their own brand due to a supply issues and you can barely taste the bull semen or the chemical they use to preserve it in the heat .... I'm just mentioning the taste so you'll be less um surprised.  

If you are unsure of joining ISIS I hope this post has helped you. Go join them you disaffected and disenfranchised misguided fool, you weren't going to have a future anyway but when you get killed in the butt fuck desert you can have a great future in the afterlife ... assuming they haven't got their version of Islam all fucked up like the scholars say. 


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