Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Your Beard May Be Full Of Fecal Matter

This guy hasn't washed in 60 years and smokes animal shit so I'm sure his beard is full of cack. 

I've long been interested in the trends of clean shaven as opposed to beards and have watched with amusement the outright discrimination that having a beard generates from some .... 'oh you'd better be clean shaven if you want to apply for a job' ..... it's not a fucking face tattoo and unlike a face, neck or hand tattoo a beard does not display yer lack of class or IQ.

Not that this guy could grow any real facial hair.

Why will no one give me a job? Must be religious persecution because I have an upside down pentagram on my head, even Devil worshipers need jobs you know. 

The story going around Facebook is how yer hipster beard may be full of fecal matter, unlike clean shaven men. News headlines like, 'Beards contain more poo than toilets' get bandied about which means people are pooping on hipsters rather than using their shitters .... Hey I don't judge, nothing wrong with a hot lunch.  

Old Knudsen was smearing shit over his face long before the hipsters thought it was cool by the way.

The study was done by a TV station and not in a very scientific way, swabbing bearded men but no clean shaven ones .... oh c'mon people. 

Beardless Microbiologist John Golobic said, "I’m usually not surprised, and I was surprised by this, there would be a degree of uncleanliness that would be somewhat disturbing."

First day as a Microbiologist? Is that even a real thing? Does Mr Golobic not know that bacteria is everywhere? Yes even the kind found in fecal matter, did you know that when you smell a fart you are inhaling bacteria found in fecal matter?

I hope Mr Golobic never swabs his toothbrush, aye sure having the fecal matter of yer own family on yer toothbrush, face cloth and whatever is one thing but when the electrician doing a repair asks if he can use yer bog ..... 2 million bacteria per square inch on yer bathroom floor alone.

The kitchen sink is usually less sanitary than yer toilet so mix it up sometimes by crapping in the sink and doing the dishes in the crapper.

Yer carpeted floor is 4,000 times more dirty than yer toilet seat and yon computer keyboard ... well just don't think about it. Hey yer phone is ringing, someone wants to tell you that yer phone is 500 times dirtier than the toilet, yeah hold it up to yer face so you can listen.

MSNBC reported that 72% of shopping carts had fecal bacteria on them. Most food production has an acceptable amount (5%) of rodent feces/hair and insects in whatever foods they make. You can't avoid it.

There are many men who can't grow beards, sure it makes you less of a man but I'm sure yer a very nice person. Of course those people all work in the werld of personal grooming and the beard cum back is bad news for them. 

You are head to toe covered in bacteria, some maybe from the family related to fecal matter but not all bacteria is harmful, most of our bacteria is beneficial. Remember when those aliens invaded and as soon as they opened the door they died? .... good times, that was beneficial or remember when we gave small pox blankets to the injuns? ..... ok not a good example but if we didn't kill all those Native Americans with our beneficial European germs we wouldn't have all those fine American cities and states named in their honour. 

Showering in bleach everyday won't get rid of the bacteria but washing yer hands and being mindful of what you touch will help you stay more healthy. 

Old Knudsen doesn't mind germs, his own but other people's germs are not acceptable. Cough and sneeze into yer elbow crack (vampire sneeze) not yer hand, push elevator buttons with yer knuckles and when a public restroom has a door you have to pull or push in order to get out use yer cuff over yer hand. 

Who the fuck designs a restroom with doors you have to touch? No wonder many people just don't bother to wash their hands. 

If you have a beard use common sense, pick bits of left over food out of it and give it a rinse after some muff diving, don't listen to the beardless facial hair haters, they probably kiss their wee doggies and kitties. Clean shaven men have as much bacteria on them as bearded ones have, their shit does stink.    

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