Saturday, 2 May 2015

Stephen Hawking Too Lazy To Travel

Has Stephen Hawking become a lazy shite? He couldn't be bothered to go to Australia so he invented a holographic device that can make him appear anywhere. Sitting in his office at the University of Cambridge he beamed to Sydney’s Opera House with a cheery though mechanical G-day mate!

He had to interrupt his lecture when he noticed the local female rugby team heading for the showers after a sweaty and dirty game of grab ass.

Blinking back to Sydney he got their attention as they were getting ready to leave by shouting,  "Cockblatter!" and as they sat doon confused he then said: “We must continue to go into space for the future of humanity,” he said. “I don’t think we will survive another 1,000 years without escaping beyond our fragile planet.”

He's already been to space via hologram and says it looked cool .... it is more than cool it is cold so don't leave any seedlings outside or the space frost will get them.   

Yes it does bug Old Knudsen when "experts" say shit that may happen long after their time. We're gonna have an ice-age .... in 100 to 10,000 years time maybe so recycle. 

Callyfornia is due another big earthquake in maybe 30 years ... gee it must be all those fault lines it's sitting on.

I predict that a cat will be a selfish ungrateful cunt sometime within the next week.

Politicians also make many promises to go into effect after they have left office or in enough years for the public to have forgotten about them. If in doubt fill the air with words then get out and make excuses.

Might as well go to a psychic for what will happen in the future ... I predict war, a plane crash and an unarmed black man getting killed by police.

Thank fuck the Aussies didn't waste his time or the $50,000 fee they paid, one asked:  "What is the cosmic effect on the universe of Zayn Malik leaving One Direction?"

His answer was that you should study theoretical physics because one day, there may well be proof of multiple universes. It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another, different universe. And, in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction.

Of course there is the possibility that people can travel through time and after killing Hitler go on to kill Simon Cowell and One Direction never met cos seriously my turds has more talent than them and it's not like they would have become famous on their own.

Another possibility is that those One Directions came out of the closet or were on tour in Nepal just before the earthquake .... that nobody predicted by the way.


No comments: